stopthemadness Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Hi all, Am soo sick of the highs and Lows Ive been feelings lately. I just feel like my emotions are all over the place. Its like am an emotional roller coaster. And I want off!! Been brohe up about 9 months now but only N/C for 3 1/2 months. He works as a city worker in my city so i see him now and then on the road. And oh ya, he was living down the street from me with his new person. Guess they brokeup for a while, cause he was driving by my house like crazy for a few weeks. And it seems as if he didnt stay down the street from me for a while. Anyway, hes back down the street again.A few days now. I hate it!! Thank God that lady hes with has a for sale sign on her house. Dont know how much more of this I can take. Look am just gona say it. I miss him, I miss him alot!! It dont change anything, I know. I have reached acceptance. I know hes with smone else. I know its over. But smtimes I think, how can he just stop loving me after 8 1/2 years? Doesn't he miss me? Doesn't he ever think about me, wonder how am doing? I guess I know the answer to all these questions. Its NO.. Hes moved on..I think whats made this harder is that he is unsettled and still trolling the net on facebook and my space (so I hear) I dont do those sites. Lists himself as single and stuff. Iam guessing I just needed to vent because I think I feel a little better now. But I want to feel ALL better now. I want this man out of my head and out of my heart ASAP. Iam doing all the stuff. I joined a gym, i go 3 or 4 times a week. Iam back in church. I see a therapist every few weeks. Yet I fell like this healing should be going faster. Maybe I need to just get into another man. Thats what I think smtimes that its gona take for me to get passed this. Has anyone else every thought this? Just soo sick of, am feeling better, oh no am not. Anyone have any thoughts on this?
heartbroken555 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Some say time heals all wounds, but i dont think so I have talked to a friend who was dumped by his girlfriend after 5 yrs, for someone else, and she moved in with her new lover. He doesnt give a crap and is enjoying his life and his new found freedom, and it barely took him 2 weeks. I asked him if he loved her alot back then, and he said yes he did, but that theres no point of beating himself down, she left, and hes never taking her back, because it was a betrayal. So 1st he killed all hope of her and him ever going back together, then he concentrated on himself, and moved on. He sees it this way: ITS HER LOSS !! The reason behind this is pretty simple : he has high self-esteem and he is confident about himself and has his life the way he wants it and is happy. Me on the other hand, i was dumped after a 1yr relationship, and still after 3-4 month im not over it, and i think about her everyday. But what i realised is that the reason im not over her, is not because i love her, but because my life is not what i want it to be. After moving out from my parents house 5yrs ago, im now back living with my parents and i feel like a looser, and i picked up smoking again, and my business is not going to well. Lesson of the story: the reason you are still not over him has nothing do to with him, or loving him, its because you are unhappy, and this relationship was a way of compensation for this unhappiness. I dont know you personaly, but like any human beings you probably have issues and things you need to work on. Might be hitting the gym, might be to stop smoking, might be working on your confidence or any other personality issues you have. Once you do that. you will be proud of yourself, and happy with your life, you wont care if he misses you or not, or if he thinks about you, or anything. you will know that you are worth it, and that it was his loss !
heartbroken555 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 i would also like to add, that he still has pictures of her in his condo, and she is still on his facebook and they talk from time to time as friends, and he is nice with her. Shows you that he really doesnt give a crap, and that he doesnt need her, to validate himself !
hellon Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I hear ya. I'm starting to think it's impossible to really completely move on from someone, without moving on WITH someone else. I keep having those "how could he just forget about everything with me" moments too. Well, they haven't forgotten, really- they just distracted themselves with someone else.
welikeincrowds Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Some say time heals all wounds, but i dont think so I have talked to a friend who was dumped by his girlfriend after 5 yrs, for someone else, and she moved in with her new lover. He doesnt give a crap and is enjoying his life and his new found freedom, and it barely took him 2 weeks. I asked him if he loved her alot back then, and he said yes he did, but that theres no point of beating himself down, she left, and hes never taking her back, because it was a betrayal. So 1st he killed all hope of her and him ever going back together, then he concentrated on himself, and moved on. He sees it this way: ITS HER LOSS !! The reason behind this is pretty simple : he has high self-esteem and he is confident about himself and has his life the way he wants it and is happy. Me on the other hand, i was dumped after a 1yr relationship, and still after 3-4 month im not over it, and i think about her everyday. But what i realised is that the reason im not over her, is not because i love her, but because my life is not what i want it to be. After moving out from my parents house 5yrs ago, im now back living with my parents and i feel like a looser, and i picked up smoking again, and my business is not going to well. Lesson of the story: the reason you are still not over him has nothing do to with him, or loving him, its because you are unhappy, and this relationship was a way of compensation for this unhappiness. I dont know you personaly, but like any human beings you probably have issues and things you need to work on. Might be hitting the gym, might be to stop smoking, might be working on your confidence or any other personality issues you have. Once you do that. you will be proud of yourself, and happy with your life, you wont care if he misses you or not, or if he thinks about you, or anything. you will know that you are worth it, and that it was his loss ! This is such a good insight. Thank you!
hellon Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I don't think it's always necessarily true that we are somehow unhappy with our lives just because we're having a hard time with a breakup, or that being in a relationship is some kind of crutch for unhappiness. That being said, breakups do wreak complete havoc on our self-esteem, even if we ARE initially well-adjusted, confident people. That's the hurdle we have to get over- and we almost have to re-invent our lives to do it.
Author stopthemadness Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Thanks for everyones advice. I dont think am so unhappy with my life that am hanging on to the hurt of my breakup, just to have smthing to be sad about. I want to move on. And everyday I am feeling better. I just want it to go faster. I know my selfesteem took a hit. and all this would be easier if I didnt see him drive by my house so much. Saw him again this morning. But I guess it dont mean anything becasue it is a city street and he works for the city. But let me tell you smthing sad. You know how I said I was going to church. Well for the first few months I was praying for him to come back. But it didnt work, so I have to believe that God has another plan for me. I just wish I knew what it was. So now I pray for the Lord to take him out of my heart. That thing about reinventing ourselfs. I think that rings true. Maybe thats what I need to do here. Sounds like smthing I can get into.....
hellon Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 If you truly want to move, then you will. I feel the same way, I'm just so freakin' sick and tired of thinking about the whole thing, I want to fast forward and be over it already. But I tried pushing it out of my mind for awhile and it just flooded back even harder. So, I guess I just have to let the process happen. The last few days I've barely been able to get out of bed, but the rest of the week I'm super busy, so that always helps. That whole seeing him all the time thing sucks I'm sure, that would drive me crazy. That means he's still somewhat in your life, whether you want him to be or not, which gives him power over you. Personally, I would move- but you'll probably feel a whole lot better once that lady moves. Also- he sounds like a total d-bag. Maybe he was a decent person when you were with him, maybe not- but either way, if he's out there trolling and calling himself single, he's obviously not an honorable person now, and he probably isn't happy even if it seems like it at first glance. Focus on the negatives about him.
Author stopthemadness Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 (edited) hellon- I just read your post Moving backward..Wow you sound like you feel just like I do.And Ya in Feb when he started staying down the street from me. After only knowing this women for a month, then starts staying with her!!! I was devastated to say the least!(met her on line, facebook) I thought about moving all the time. But i own my home. Then after the for sale sign went up on her house, i thought Ok Lord you are listening to me. I will try to only think about the negative things about him, see if that helps. My family members say now hes playing games with her head instead of yours. To look at it that way. (I try) And THEN to top it all off. My therapist is moving out of state at the end of this month. REALLy sucks. I will NOT relive all this drama with another therapist by spelling it all out for them. I just cant relive all this again. I met my therapist like a week after he brokeup with me so shes been with me sence day one ya know? Yes I will miss her but like I tell her. I think the hard part is over, so am not gona see anyone else when she leaves. I really hope I meet smone else, I think thats my best shot here. Edited May 3, 2011 by stopthemadness
hellon Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 I met someone who I was sorta interested in, and for a minute was feeling better. I'm in the same boat with the therapist, I've been seeing one every week but am leaving town for 3 months, so I think I have to find a new one where I'm going. Not sure the one I have is helping much, so maybe a new one will be good for me. That's really lucky that you've had someone you can talk to through the worst of it all.
Recommended Posts