Why am I putting myself through so much confusion?

[FallenAngel84]

I am about 9 months into my relationship. Up until 2 weeks ago, everything was amazing. My boyfriend really is everything I had always hoped for. After getting out of a 5 year relationship last summer, I realized what I wanted in my next relationship and along came my current guy.

 

Two weeks ago, I started feeling doubt. I can't figure out my doubt. I know I do NOT want to break up with him but I keep imagining my life without him and it makes me sick and sad and I feel guilty for feeling any sort of doubt. This doubt was brought on by fear, i'm 95% sure. My last relationship of 5 years got like this at about 10 months in also and I distanced myself. I eventually broke up with my ex because we were just different people at different stages of our lives. I was so scared any feelings of doubt would be brought on in my new relationship, I kind of feel like I tricked myself into thinking these things maybe as a defense mechanism. I'm really missing those exciting, positive feelings I once had toward my boyfriend. Maybe I'm just settling into the comfort zone where there aren't constant butterflies and hearts everytime I look at him or think of him, I don't know. Whenever we're apart and he texts me, I almost feel guilty because of how I'm feeling. Maybe I'm just obsessing over nothing too much. When I'm with him for awhile, I start feeling more "normal" and I make myself sick thinking about how depressed I get when I'm alone and have idle time to think.

 

Can anyone relate or offer positive advice who has ever felt this way? Is it possible to sabotage something in your mind when NOTHING has happened to make me want to break up with him? I don't believe people just fall out of love for no reason, it's sooo confusing. I just wish I could stop thinking badly about something that should feel good.