LoveHurts89 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I feel such a mess right now. How can one guy screw you up so badly? I've posted lots on here the last week or so, and had some great advice, so hoping for some more today please. But do please be gentle, as I'm fragile. I'll give a quick run through my story. I'm 21, S is 35. We were together 2.5 years. Were due to move in. He manages a business and works long hours. He lives above his business. His hometown is about a 1.5 hour drive to visit parents and friends. He broke up with me two weeks before we were due to move in. It was a petty row that lead to it. He said he wasn't sure if he could give me what I want in the future e.g. marriage and kids. He wants kids, not sure about marriage which isn't a big deal for me. But, I did talk about the two A LOT when we were together, which I know freaked him out. I think that, ad well as moving in, as we both admitted we weren't ready, pushed him a bit. Anyway, so over the last 9 weeks since he broke it off, we've been for meals, days out, and when we've seen each other and had nice times, he's said there's a good chance of sorting things. We discussed a whole bunch of things we needed to change. He'd let me down a lot for work, and I'd flip, and we both agreed to handle these situations better. Also, I wasn't supportive of him visiting family, I'd moan that I'd not get to see him if he went for a long while (so selfish I know). So we had discussed all of these things and he said to me if we work things out, which I think there is a good chance, we'll be so much better. Anyway, I'd still send him texts all the time, and he said it didn't give him time to think and got mad, asked for minimal contact. After that, he said it's over for good as he didn't know what he wanted and didn't want to continue stringing me along until he knew. He's said this several times since. Last weekend, he asked me not to text at all, which I managed for a few days. Now he's told me I need to move on. If I text him or turn up at his work/home he'll block and delete my number. He goes away on holiday in four days. At the moment, he works such long hours so he never has time to think about stuff. He still maintained, up until this weekend when he asked me to move on, that it's because he doesn't know what he wants. I asked if he'd let me know if he realised he made a mistake and he said you gotta stop thinking like that and just try to move on. I just wonder whether the holiday will give him the time and space to think properly? The texts yesterday were pretty much me telling him to stop denying the fact we should be togethrr and just to put a bit of effort it, that neither of us has to be hurting. I just wonder, if maybe without me pushing my views on him, and asking for chances, would he come round? I know I probably sound like a mental case. But I just love and miss him so much.
chris1987 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I hate to say it but it sounds like its time to walk away. You cant move on by clinging to the hope they will come back. I am in your shoes right now. I feel better not hoping she will come back it more heathy. I am sorry
Fufu Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 If you hate love, it's not love after all. Time to let go.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You need to remind yourself of two major factors: A. Anybody of age 32-ish who is keen on dating somebody of age 19-ish has enough visible red flags to suggest avoiding him from moment one. B. There is nothing wrong with being the 19yo girl drawn to the flattering attention sent her way by such an older guy. (that adds up to you, having once needed to respect your heart while still showing the strength to obey your mind, which should have said that the 32yo guy is off limits based solely on principle) No easy task that...
geegirl Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 The texts yesterday were pretty much me telling him to stop denying the fact we should be togethrr and just to put a bit of effort it, that neither of us has to be hurting. I just wonder, if maybe without me pushing my views on him, and asking for chances, would he come round? Stop forcing your views and values of the relationship on him. It's almost as if you are telling him how to feel and how to act. When the fact is, what he feels is not what you feel. He has asked you to move on. When a man tells you what you don't want to hear, LISTEN. Move on. You keep saying he doesn't know what he wants. Why are you speaking for him and his feelings? Did it ever occur to you that maybe this 35 year old man knows what he wants. You're in denial. If he comes back, based on his own emotions and views of the relationship and you, then great. Until then, please stop texting and stay no contact. The more you hound him, the more negativity he will feel about you and the R.
Djshmh Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Life is a rollercoaster and there are so many new rides, so enjoy! In other words, you will go through ups and then there will be those not so good downs and sometimes the downs can feel so yucky on the inside... Take it from me. For months after losing someone I was in love with (his personaility and his quailities), I went through a run of downs for months on end, but only by choice. All I kept thinking about was how wonderful of a person he was and how much he made me smile (even though he made me cry too). I kept the good memories close (which is a good thing), however, in the process of it all, I kept telling myself how crappy I was towards him (which really I wasn't but I held on to the guilt and the "what ifs")... When I look back at the endless nights I spent sitting in my car down by the river in my city, listening to sad, depressing, almost hypnotizing music, I shake my head in disbelief. I can't believe I wasted all those great nights that I could have been out enjoying my life because let's face it...You NEVER know when God will call upon you and you never know if tomorrow is your last day. If I was your friend and I could give you some gentle advice, I would say to just let go of him as much as you can. Look at it in this way...If God crossed your paths for you to be together, intimiately and spiritually, then things wouldn't have ended between you two. Never give up hope that you are worth it and that God will eventually reconnect you with the one person you will spend the rest of your life with. It just takes time. God puts forth obstacles in our way for us to fail and to regain our strength by learning from those mistakes. If you are a good person, you will be okay. You have to keep telling yourself that you are an amazing person and that you are worthwhile. While you have some time on your hands. Do things you've always wanted to do...like maybe get into the best physical shape of your life...Write a book...create a website...go skydiving (if you have the money)..idk...Do something for you... And good luck...In time your wounds will heal...You may never forget about him if you loved him (which it's always a beautiful quality to possess to love someone even when they have hurt us--unconditional llove)....but you will learn to recover and regain strength and bounce back from this. Everyone goes through this..
Popondetta Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Just leave him alone for a while. He might contact you if you just show him that you can go on without him. NC will show him that you're strong and independent and not desperate after him. You just have to pretend for a while... (My ex contacted me yesterday after 6 weeks NC. Now he wants to meet to talk. I don¨t know about what but at least he wants to talk... I'm not saying we'll be back together or anything but it's the proof that they DON*T FORGET US even if we leave them alone...) Best of luck to you and all of us
kaycstamper Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 If both of you want two different things, it's good to realize that and move on. You do not want to force him into marriage/kids and then have him resent you for it and cop out on the responsibility. Instead, give yourself time to get over him and then find someone closer to your age and goals.
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