confuzed25 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Suddenly the other day a feeling hit me.....my boyfriend was away on a trip with some buddies for 5 days and I realized that I didnt really miss him. I was actually enjoying having some "me" time and getting things done. I also wasnt really thinking about him that much. I've never felt like this in a relationship before...usually I am the one totally infatuated with someone and I never lose that feeling unless we break up and Im forced to get over that person. He came home yesterday and I wasnt really excited to see him....we had sex last night and I started to cry randomly out of nowhere. I have NEVER done that before and it really freaked me out. It just didnt feel right being with him, like something was missing. He held me and kissed me and said I could never do anything that would scare him away and he kept asking me what was wrong. I tried to explain to him that I just didnt feel right with him like my feelings might be changing. He got upset, said this came out of left field. How he missed me so much while he was away and thought he would come home and everything would be great. He said I was all he ever thinks about and he doesnt understand where this was coming from because it seemed like everything was great. I told him Im just confused and dont really know how I feel. I didnt want him to worry until I thought about this a little more so I tried to make it better by saying I just want to be sure hes "the one" and Im just scared right now because Im realizing we're starting to get serious. He said he finally found the girl hes always looked for and that Im perfect for him and his feelings for me will never change. I'm just so confused....just last week I was feeling like I loved him so much and the thought of losing him scared me to death. We've only been together 4 months but from the very beginning I felt like he might be "the one" because we are so perfect for each other and he treats me so good its amazing. we trust each other 100%, we never fight, theres never any jealousy issues. But ever since he left for the trip for 5 days i realized Im not that attracted to him, i didnt really miss him that much while he was gone, and I'm really bothered by his lack of motivation and the fact that he has a lot of debt. Now I just honestly dont know how I feel about him....at times I feel like I want to meet new guys. I'm scared that Im going to make the wrong decision.....either break up with him and later realize that i ruined the best thing that ever happened to me or stay with him and eventually get married and then realize that he wasnt "the one" and I dont really love him. I would appreciate any input or advice...im really freaked out about how Im feeling and I dont know what to do.
BiscuitXOXO Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Hormones? Is it your time of the month? I find my emotions fluctuating monthly...idk about you. I wouldn't make a hasty decision..just stew on it for a week or so. If you are feeling dissatisfied in some way, then something is wrong. When you said, "I really want to meet new guys," that sent up a red flag for me. Life involves risk. Some are lucky to hit jackpot; others don't. People change, and it is entirely out of your control. No matter which decision you pick, just make sure that you don't regret it. No matter what happens, please don't torture yourself with what-ifs. We only live once. Other minor points of disagreement: I also don't agree believe in the concept of "The One." That mindset only ends happily in fairy tales, unless you are one in a million. And... when he said that his feelings will never change, that's not true...He may believe its true, but once the excitement of the new relationship (4 months isn't too long) fades, then it depends on the character and values of the couple to determine where their relationship leads. Just food for thought.
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 And what makes you feel even worse now - is that you lied to him. you tried to sugar-coat the pill, to make him feel better, and all you actually did was give him a false impression, and false hope. You said something to try to diffuse the situation, and soften the blow - but now all you've done is to get yourself in deeper.... He's not "The one". if the feeling went while he was gone, and it's not come back, now he's returned..... ....yeah, give it a little while. About a week or so. But don't try to kid yourself. And don't try to kid him, either.
Author confuzed25 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 honestly though, the things I told him to diffuse the situation....that I am scared because we are starting to get serious.....is the truth. I didnt just make that up to make him feel better. I am scared because we are starting to get serious and get to that point where you really think about whether you want to continue in the relationship and whether you see a future with that person. And I'm scared because I am trying to figure out if hes going to be the one I marry and I dont want to make the wrong decision. I think a part of my problem is that I've gotten pretty depressed the last 2 weeks...ive never been depressed in my life but I got my birth control pills off schedule and its messed with my hormones. Also, Ive had a lot of crappy things happen to me lately with family, work, and my home and Ive been feeling really down. I hope maybe this is just a phase im going through because of feeling depressed.
zengirl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 If you're depressed or off-schedule with hormones (BC really does mess with you), it really could be that (particularly if you were madly in love a couple of weeks ago). However, it also could be just coming down to Earth and realizing he's not the guy. Give it a bit, figure it out, but I'd say: Be a bit more honest with him. Tell him you're assessing some stuff and need a little space, if you do. Talk to him about the issues you have with your relationship if you find some. But don't stay if you don't feel fulfilled.
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