Would you leave your marriage for the OM if you were a mom of 2 kids?

[fascinated]

As a married woman with 2 kids myself, I would not divorce or leave my husband for anyone but myself. I think if you are going to do that, you need to be prepared to be alone and a strong independent woman. Sadly, most men who enter affairs with MW are not attracted to a strong independent woman, they prefer someone with weaknesses, specifically in regards to their advances. In my opinion, most APs would not be interested in you once you become independent.

[fooled once]

Whatever is said here, in the end you will do what you want. I honestly believe if you cared about your children's emotional stability you wouldn't be in this situation. With that said, no of us is capable of seeing the future (wish I could have seen that freight train coming before it smashed into my life...oh well.) I watched my kids suffer. I know the plans Mr. Messy and OW had for blending their kids as "one big happy family" and I for one can tell you....that wasn't going to happen.

 

Our kids don't come with manuals and we all make pretty hacked upped decisions in parenting...but this one is one that can be avoided....start reading and don't stop here and other sites.

 

I agree with Bent, especially about caring about the children's emotional stability.

 

OP, do you really think your kids won't figure out that you have been seeing this guy behind daddy's back? You are not giving your kids enough credit then, IMHO.

 

I see you as justifying why you plan to pick the OM. Doesn't matter to me who you pick, as long as your kids aren't hurt anymore by this and that you set your H free or commit to him. He doesn't deserve any of the treatment or distance you have added to your marriage. People are not mind readers; and if you think the wonderful sex with the OM is going to continue to be spectacular forever, you are wrong. I am not saying sex leaves or physical attraction goes away; what I am saying is you are sneaking around; which adds the excitement element. That will go away if you chose the OM. Right now, you don't really see the OM in day to day, stressful life situations. You aren't cleaning up the toilet after he poops, you aren't cleaning his underwear and the time you two do spend together is limited and secretive. While I know you believe you truly KNOW him, you don't know how he reacts under pressure, when kids are whiny and crying and wanting something, the washer overflows and water gets everywhere and both of you (or one of you) had a really crappy day at work. You aren't truly experiencing 'dating' with him.

 

For the love of God, just PICK and make a decision. Go be with the OM and set our H free. I think even if you pick your H, you won't emotionally let go. You will also grieve the end of the affair and that isn't right that your H has to watch you cry and be depressed that you ended your affair (and of course he won't know why you are behaving this way). Just do something!

[Carrot2000]

You don't get to cheat your way out of your marriage; you have to earn your way out. This means doing everything possible to make your marriage work--get out of the affair, get honest with your husband and get into counseling. If after 18 months things haven't improved at home, then you will be able to look your children in the eyes and honestly tell them that you went down swinging, that you did everything in your power to keep the family together. Until you do this, you have no right to bust up their home because you want to run behind some other man.