Hold on to your seats.......twisted tale!

[sunkissedbum]

I am a newbie here. But in need of some advise and honestly ready to hear it, good or bad....lay it on me!

I met MM 17 years ago at my job, an instant connection on my part (a crush)even though I was a MW as well......we worked closely together until 2002 when we found ourselves in a intimate situation at work (kiss) he was still a MM and i was D. Our A started and continued for 3 years. All the while MM always said how bad things were at home and that leaving would cause him financial ruin. MM told me they slept in separate rooms and had no sexual contact with W. I after 3 years and no progress on his part to separate and divorce, ended the relationship. It killed me.....I changed jobs, moved, even found myself looking for another relationship just to take my mind off losing him. MM still make contact with me through email every few weeks, just to check on me....nothing more. I still loved him so much, I just wanted him happy. I met a married a man that kind of squelched the hurt of losing MM. We even adopted a baby last year. Our marriage is not good and hasn't been for several years, he is an alcoholic and has horrible anger issues. In October of this year, I was diagnosed with a renal mass that had a bad prognosis. I had to deal with a lot of emotions and felt I needed to let MM know that I still loved him and cared for him. I wanted him to know that just in case my condition deteriorated and I couldn't tell him. So I emailed him and an email i received in return said that he had never stopped loving me as well. My renal mass miracously was benign, and now I have been back in an A with MM. I love him with every ounce of my being. He still tell me his W is horrible and they continue to live in separate rooms. He is miserable, and yet still hasn't left. We see each other several times a week and meet out of town as often as we can. Our children are friends and co-workers. He loves my 1 year old. Here is where the really twisted part comes in.

In an effort to find out exactly what is going on in his household....I made up a fictitious name and have been chatting with MM's wife for several months. She thinks that I am a man. There is no sexual chat, although MM'ss wife would love for it to go that way. I have learned that things are exactly as miserable as he says they are. I did learn that MM was in a relationship with OW during our 5 year break.....he never told me that. I did tell MM that I had been chatting with his wife and forwarded all of the emails and chat conversations to him. MM told his W 2 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce and his W agreed. She wants to wait to break it to the kids when they are out of school in a few weeks. I have since ended the chatting relationship with his wife.....it was too twisted for me to keep up.

My fears now are.....will he really leave?? Do I give him a timeframe or ultimatum on leaving her??? I have already taken steps to separate from my H. Since MM cheated on his W in between our 5 year A break, will he cheat on me later? I seem to be more upset that MM had another mistress than the fact that MM remains with his W! Please help me....if there is any help!!

[Lishy]

All I will say is this ... You should always be careful what you wish for cos you just might get it!

 

You will never trust him and if you did you would be foolish

 

Will he cheat on you? What do you think?

 

Get away from your abusive husband and drop the MM like he is hot!

 

Thats just my opinion though

 

Good luck to you

[BB07]

I am a newbie here. But in need of some advise and honestly ready to hear it, good or bad....lay it on me!

I met MM 17 years ago at my job, an instant connection on my part (a crush)even though I was a MW as well......we worked closely together until 2002 when we found ourselves in a intimate situation at work (kiss) he was still a MM and i was D. Our A started and continued for 3 years. All the while MM always said how bad things were at home and that leaving would cause him financial ruin. MM told me they slept in separate rooms and had no sexual contact with W. I after 3 years and no progress on his part to separate and divorce, ended the relationship. It killed me.....I changed jobs, moved, even found myself looking for another relationship just to take my mind off losing him. MM still make contact with me through email every few weeks, just to check on me....nothing more. I still loved him so much, I just wanted him happy. I met a married a man that kind of squelched the hurt of losing MM. We even adopted a baby last year. Our marriage is not good and hasn't been for several years, he is an alcoholic and has horrible anger issues. In October of this year, I was diagnosed with a renal mass that had a bad prognosis. I had to deal with a lot of emotions and felt I needed to let MM know that I still loved him and cared for him. I wanted him to know that just in case my condition deteriorated and I couldn't tell him. So I emailed him and an email i received in return said that he had never stopped loving me as well. My renal mass miracously was benign, and now I have been back in an A with MM. I love him with every ounce of my being. He still tell me his W is horrible and they continue to live in separate rooms. He is miserable, and yet still hasn't left. We see each other several times a week and meet out of town as often as we can. Our children are friends and co-workers. He loves my 1 year old. Here is where the really twisted part comes in.

In an effort to find out exactly what is going on in his household....I made up a fictitious name and have been chatting with MM's wife for several months. She thinks that I am a man. There is no sexual chat, although MM'ss wife would love for it to go that way. I have learned that things are exactly as miserable as he says they are. I did learn that MM was in a relationship with OW during our 5 year break.....he never told me that. I did tell MM that I had been chatting with his wife and forwarded all of the emails and chat conversations to him. MM told his W 2 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce and his W agreed. She wants to wait to break it to the kids when they are out of school in a few weeks. I have since ended the chatting relationship with his wife.....it was too twisted for me to keep up.

My fears now are.....will he really leave?? Do I give him a timeframe or ultimatum on leaving her??? I have already taken steps to separate from my H. Since MM cheated on his W in between our 5 year A break, will he cheat on me later? I seem to be more upset that MM had another mistress than the fact that MM remains with his W! Please help me....if there is any help!!

 

That's some story there and it is twisted. Let's see if I can sum this up. So you married a man who is an alcoholic and has anger issues because you couldn't get over the mm that you had an affair with that wouldn't leave. Now you've brought your children into this mess that you've created. So........you didn't lean your lessons about what kind of turd your mm was the first time around (been there done that) but then you take it a twisted step further and pretend to be a MAN who befriends his wife to get info on the marriage. Can we say bunny boiler here? So.........now you KNOW he was lying and had at least one other OW and still you want this man???

 

Do you not see how flawed and distorted your thinking is about still wanting this loser? Exactly what qualities make him desirable? What makes him a decent man??

Don't you think that maybe you should clean up your own house and figure out what a healthy relationship is? I get that you feel invested as you feel like you've loved this man for a long time.....(been there, done that too) but you really aren't thinking clearly and it's probably going to be obvious for 99% of us here at LS that your mm is a POS. You need to open your eyes and see the man he really is.......not what you've always wanted him to be.

[Emme]

I always ask this because it really needs to be focused on. Would you walk out on your marriage if OM was not in the equation? If yes then get a divorce. You have fallen out of love with your husband. Do it without waiting on him to make a move in his marriage. If you have doubts... You're in trouble.

[alexandria35]

Wow! Sounds like you took an active role in ending his marriage. Tricking his wife into an online friendship by pretending to be a man and forwarding everything she said to her husban. That is pretty sick. What an unbelievably low level you have sunk to. I hope he is worth it to you.

[fooled once]

I am a newbie here. But in need of some advise and honestly ready to hear it, good or bad....lay it on me!

I met MM 17 years ago at my job, an instant connection on my part (a crush)even though I was a MW as well......we worked closely together until 2002 when we found ourselves in a intimate situation at work (kiss) he was still a MM and i was D. Our A started and continued for 3 years. All the while MM always said how bad things were at home and that leaving would cause him financial ruin. MM told me they slept in separate rooms and had no sexual contact with W. I after 3 years and no progress on his part to separate and divorce, ended the relationship. It killed me.....I changed jobs, moved, even found myself looking for another relationship just to take my mind off losing him. MM still make contact with me through email every few weeks, just to check on me....nothing more. I still loved him so much, I just wanted him happy. I met a married a man that kind of squelched the hurt of losing MM. We even adopted a baby last year. Our marriage is not good and hasn't been for several years, he is an alcoholic and has horrible anger issues. In October of this year, I was diagnosed with a renal mass that had a bad prognosis. I had to deal with a lot of emotions and felt I needed to let MM know that I still loved him and cared for him. I wanted him to know that just in case my condition deteriorated and I couldn't tell him. So I emailed him and an email i received in return said that he had never stopped loving me as well. My renal mass miracously was benign, and now I have been back in an A with MM. I love him with every ounce of my being. He still tell me his W is horrible and they continue to live in separate rooms. He is miserable, and yet still hasn't left. We see each other several times a week and meet out of town as often as we can. Our children are friends and co-workers. He loves my 1 year old. Here is where the really twisted part comes in.

In an effort to find out exactly what is going on in his household....I made up a fictitious name and have been chatting with MM's wife for several months. She thinks that I am a man. There is no sexual chat, although MM'ss wife would love for it to go that way. I have learned that things are exactly as miserable as he says they are. I did learn that MM was in a relationship with OW during our 5 year break.....he never told me that. I did tell MM that I had been chatting with his wife and forwarded all of the emails and chat conversations to him. MM told his W 2 weeks ago that he wanted a divorce and his W agreed. She wants to wait to break it to the kids when they are out of school in a few weeks. I have since ended the chatting relationship with his wife.....it was too twisted for me to keep up.

My fears now are.....will he really leave?? Do I give him a timeframe or ultimatum on leaving her??? I have already taken steps to separate from my H. Since MM cheated on his W in between our 5 year A break, will he cheat on me later? I seem to be more upset that MM had another mistress than the fact that MM remains with his W! Please help me....if there is any help!!

 

Sorry but to me this is just a really sick and twisted tale.

 

Not sure how your kids and his kids are co-workers and friends, considering you said you had a 1 year old child.

 

You two deserve each other. What you did to his wife borders on bunny boiling. Karma is not a good thing; and be very careful as I have a feeling Karma won't be kind to you.