ess12 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Hi folks, I want to share my story with you people, maybe not for looking for an advice, but to see other opinions than mine or my friends. I am kind of a person, who is building up a sense about everything from the most possible sources to rationalize what is the best possible solution/way ( I am very pragmatic in nature). What happened to me lately, I was in a great relationship for 1.5 year with who happened to become love of my life. We had a connection and good vibrations between us ( she more emotive and i am more rational) so we completed each other. We had ups and downs, as most couples do, but most of the time it was delightful time with her. Only, and the biggest problem between us was commitment. She comes from a religious environment, and for the whole relationship she was pushing me to commit her if want marriage and children in the future with her. As i was never before thinking about such a things, i was telling her that i dont know yet, that i need time and her support to feel the same, but that i am sure , i want to spend the rest of my life with her. Then she went to work programme abroad for three months (we are colleagues at work, sharing the same office), and things started to get really bad. First days we were in contact she was telling me how i she missing me, and how much she loves me. Then she went out with some new co-worker of hers for a beer to strengthen social contacts over there. It turned out he was into her, she told me, and was making fun of it. How days passed, her activity to contact me dropped, and week after she was out with that guy, she told me that she started to think about our relationship from distance, and the uncertainty of me not knowing to commit her was filling her with worries. I felt there was more so i asked her if there is anything else what made her think. She told me that she started to have feeling for the other guy, because they share same interests. I broke up with her, telling her she needs to have these things sort out on her own, then i cannot do anything about it on long distance, just hope she still loves me as i do. Time passed, we had little to no contact, and after a month she called me, she wants to see me on skype. at the beginning we just talked about casual things, and than came the sting. She told me she started to see that guy regullary, and even more they had sex few times. Then she told me the more she was with him, the more she felt it isnt the right what was she doing, and realized she is still in deep love with me (and broke up with that guy). That i am the only person who made her happy, and that she realized she made the biggest mistake in her life. She broke everything she standed for, and situation made her realize, what is really important in her life and she wants to become a better and steadier person. She was asking for forgiveness and if i ever can be with her, and trust her again. My reaction was that i still have feeling for her, but what she did to me made me realize i dont know her, that she didnt speak with me about how she really felt, to work out with issues in our relationship and thats the problem what bothers me most. I told her i dont want see her again, until she returns (in a month), that now she is not part of my life anymore. I could only promise her that i may be thinking about us, if i can ever forgive and start to trust again. She said she will wait for my decision whether we begin again or split our way completely and that the only thing she wants, i will be happy in my life, with her or without her, in the meantime, she will try to be a better person to forgive herself. How i am feeling right now, is that it stopped to hurt. I dont regret past 1.5 years with her. It made me better and made me thinking that even i can want family, she made me grow up. And time will show, if i want to give her a second chance. Thank you for reading, and i am open any opinions.
Conscience Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 IMO, this as everything to do with Sexual value, at the end of the day women need sex to and you by not being there your sexual value became very low that is when she seek another man.... I understand when you say you feel you don't know her this is because its hard to digest having the person we love the most betray us like this its unthinkable! At the end of the day there two things you can do either let her go or give her another shot.... I would give her another shot personally if she is apologetic about the hole thing, in this scenario I think you have to be independent not be too available to her and give her less attention you gave her before. Hope this makes sense .... Le Francais!
washguy74 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 She told me that she started to have feeling for the other guy, because they share same interests. I broke up with her, telling her she needs to have these things sort out on her own, then i cannot do anything about it on long distance, just hope she still loves me as i do. That was before anything 'happened' with the new guy right? So that was a moment to fight for the relationship, you realize that right? But since you broke up instead, that shows a different kind of lack of commitment to the relationship. Then she told me the more she was with him, the more she felt it isnt the right what was she doing, and realized she is still in deep love with me (and broke up with that guy). That i am the only person who made her happy, and that she realized she made the biggest mistake in her life. She broke everything she standed for, and situation made her realize, what is really important in her life and she wants to become a better and steadier person. She was asking for forgiveness and if i ever can be with her, and trust her again. She may mean that, and you'll have a great woman to reconnect with, if you choose. Or perhaps during the next 3 months away, she'll meet a new guy she likes much better, and you're forgotten. Tough for any of us to predict that for you.
Author ess12 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 That was before anything 'happened' with the new guy right? So that was a moment to fight for the relationship, you realize that right? But since you broke up instead, that shows a different kind of lack of commitment to the relationship. We did spoke to each other few days after I said this to her (it was momentary sadness that made me tell it at that day), that I still feel that if we discuss it and work more on us, we can handle the situation together. She wanted from me to give her time and space, what i did. Last time we spoke together, before it went intimate with her an the other guy I have opened my heart to her and said I trust her to make the right decision, that I want to see her happy, either with me or with someone else, sent her flowers she liked to cheer her up. Nevertheless she made her decision. As she is right now contacting me via emails, she told me she may have realized what made her to do it. (her words, I dont know if its the real truth). "that during last moths we were together she had a lot of work (which she enjoy) a great partner, but that she was missing being herself" I was always supporting her in that time but as we were working 10-14 hours a day, there were only little time and energy left for us, and passion went down. She was preparing for the work programme, so then she left, and I thought that time apart will again reignite the passion lost. Unfortunately it did for her, for another guy, who showed interest in her. Right now she realizes, that was mistake from her not to speak about it, but then she was uncertain was was really missing her (at her age she is still immature person and she knows it). Question right now for me is, if thats really true what she is saying, or is it just another hormonal break out, after she broke with that other guy (who , from words of her close friend, she still cares about - she likes his company). I hate this situation.
Author ess12 Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 Oh well, I have made my mind. I have realized that i dont want to be in situation thinking how it could have been, if I would neglect her. If she is really apologetic, and got rid of the GIGS syndrome, it is worth for me to give it a try. We will need to set up boundaries, I know that, and if the spark is still there, there is a great chance, we can work it out. Wish us luck, and I will update you , how the second chance went.
Ghosst Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I hope it works out. I tried multiple times to reconcile with my ex. This last time he said something important to me when we were considering reconciling yet again....he said I would never trust him. He was right. I would never trust him. I would always think he would do the same things again and again. It would create a vicious cycle, my fear of him hurting me would make me leave...again. Won't you be even more afraid now to make a commitment? She left you before for someone else, she did not respect you or love you above all others. Sometimes love is just not enough.
Author ess12 Posted May 18, 2011 Author Posted May 18, 2011 Well here´s deal. I am not proud of myself breaking someones privacy, but somehow temptation won over me. As we were talking about us couple of times, that she want me and nobody else, I still felt, she isn´t telling the truth. You know the feeling in stomach. So i did take a look on her email, and what stroke me, was that she was pursuing that guy, to be with her , until she returns back home, which will be in several weeks. She wanted him to tell her if he loves her or not. And just three days ago she was calling me how I am, and that she misses me a lot. Yeah, a lot of bull**** coming of her mouth, no more mr. nice guy here, I am so done with her. Good point is , I have found definite peace in my heart and mind. Some people are hypocrites - don´t let them onto your skin. Was a strong lesson for myself.
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