hellon Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 It's been 5 weeks since everything went down, and I went NC. The first 2 weeks, I was in shock. After that, I was starting to feel much better... Or so I thought. I don't know what happened, but all of a sudden at 5 weeks, I feel worse than ever, it's like I'm going in reverse. I've started thinking about him all the time again, missing him, and feeling totally alone and hopeless. I'm back to re-living the "what if" moments. I don't think about contacting him, I know that ship has sailed... but that's the worst part. I wonder how I'm supposed to go through life, knowing that I had my chance at happiness, and ruined it? Or let it go, or missed it... (still not sure what exactly went wrong). And I think that even if I really do feel "better" eventually, I'll never be as happy as I was with him, and I'll never have the future that I imagined with him... I'm stuck in what feels like a really bad dream.
orangelady Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I wonder how I'm supposed to go through life, knowing that I had my chance at happiness, and ruined it? I don't know what happened with you and your ex but if you really want him so bad, why don't you try talking to him again? That or, give it some time, change yourself for the better and then contact him again. But I think you are feeling insecure right now and that's pretty normal. Never ever think that there is NO ONE ELSE in this world that can bring you happiness. Because that's insecurity.
Author hellon Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Well, basically, he's with someone else now. We've been broken up for almost a year, but he gave me opportunities to "fix" things. So maybe I didn't exactly ruin it, but I place a lot of blame on myself for not taking another chance on us. Maybe it is just insecurity, but it's taken me a really long time to feel as strong a connection with someone as I did with him...
Fufu Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 If he's with someone else, i think the best you can do is to move on.
happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Hellon - Odd, I was just about to post something very similar to this. We've been broken up for a month, strict NC by me for 2 weeks, but the past two days I keep re-living everything in my head. I can't help but think of what I did to potentially sabotage the relationship, and it is bugging the crap out of me. I can't turn back time, I can't change any of what happened, so why am I so fixated on it right now? GRRR!! This is the worst!!
Author hellon Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Ugh, it IS the worst. Those pesky little "what-ifs." What's even worse is that now that he's with someone else, of course I start comparing myself to her (who I don't know at all, but I'm sure she's just perfect). My friend has a quote that he loves to throw at me every time I start thinking this way- "Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for a better past." I guess we just need to start forgiving ourselves... but easier said than done, right?
Author hellon Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 @Fufu, believe me, I wish I could just move on. I'm not sure why I keep ending up back in this spot.
Fufu Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 @Fufu, believe me, I wish I could just move on. I'm not sure why I keep ending up back in this spot. It's all in your mind. You may wish to read this thread I just created, http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t276219/
happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 "Forgiveness is letting go of all hope for a better past." I guess we just need to start forgiving ourselves... but easier said than done, right? Love the quote...isn't it the truth?? Fufu is right...it's a total mind game you play with yourself, all of this relationship/breakup crap. I guess we just need to find things to occupy our minds and move on. Again, easier said than done...but there IS something else better out there just waiting for us!!!
Author hellon Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks for the posts guys. I really hope there is something better.
Recommended Posts