happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Basically, when we first broke up he unfriended me on Facebook the next day with no warning. Two weeks later (after constantly reaching out to me), he re-friended me. I accepted the friendship, and I don't regret doing so, because it brought me a long-winded apology from him that brought me a lot of closure. I have not looked at his profile once since I re-friended him (go me!), but what I am noticing is a direct correlation between the time I post something to my Facebook and when he tries to reach out to me via text or phone call. It is almost as if he sees my status updates and is reminded that I am out there and I have a life, and it bugs him to the point that he feels the need to reach out to me. I have been strict NC for 2 weeks, but I feel like him seeing my posts and reaching out to me is holding me back. I don't want to be 'reactive' by un-friending him, I just wonder if it would be better for me emotionally. What do you all think? Much appreciated... Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Delete and block. Link to post Share on other sites
smudge21 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Okay, at the moment you think he's constantly thinking about you and you therefore have the power, so it's okay to keep him as a FB friend. However, how will you feel when he stops looking, stops posting and suddenly has 'in a relationship' on his page? Follow that with loads of pics of him having a great life (doesn't everyone on FB have such a great life, amazing) and kissing some new girl. It will happen. Can you handle that? If you think you can then keep him there, keep teasing him, but understand that whilst you're doing that, you are thinking about him more and more. So in reality you aren't really moving on. I really really tried to get my ex to just be a friend again and wanted to stay in touch with her. I kept her on FB right up until the point when she started talking weddings and dresses... that was it for me. If, like me, you still have feelings for this guy then there is no way you will be able to handle seeing that. Walk away now, whilst you still can. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I agree with silvermane187, delete and block. Why do you want to read his posts or see his pictures anymore. It's not going to help you emotionally. Ask yourself this, by looking at his facebook page are you happy or not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Well I just went on to unfriend him, and guess who has already unfriended me? He must have done it over the weekend. I should be happy, but I just feel deflated again. At least I didn't break NC. I should still feel like I came out on top because he has been groveling at my feet for the past two weeks and I managed to ignore him, but that doesn't really ease the hurt. God...this really sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Why 'should' you be happy about that? It sucks getting rejected, even if you agree it's for the best. You can still block him so you don't come across anything on a mututal friends wall if you want to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Why 'should' you be happy about that? It sucks getting rejected, even if you agree it's for the best. You can still block him so you don't come across anything on a mututal friends wall if you want to. True, silvermane, thanks. Luckily, we don't have any mutual friends (thank goodness, in this case). I just unfriended his sister on Facebook (don't really need that coming accross my feed), as well as blocked his phone numbers and emails from all of my accounts. I should have probably done all of this a month ago. It's going to be hard not hearing from him, even if I was ignoring all of his pleas, but I know it is for the best. Link to post Share on other sites
Fufu Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Well I just went on to unfriend him, and guess who has already unfriended me? He must have done it over the weekend. I should be happy, but I just feel deflated again. At least I didn't break NC. I should still feel like I came out on top because he has been groveling at my feet for the past two weeks and I managed to ignore him, but that doesn't really ease the hurt. God...this really sucks. Don't be too hard on yourself. Be proud of yourself for not breaking NC. You can do it, have faith in yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I personally am not a fan of the facebook unfriending move. Even if it is meant to be a gesture of separation, performing the unfriending still shows the other person that you have strong enough feelings about them to make the move. If you wanted to show that you don't care about them anymore the best thing to do is nothing. And then just hide all their posts from your wall updates so you don't see what they are up to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Nycguy - I hear what you are saying. I guess since he unfriended me, it shows that seeing my posts was really bothering him. That doesn't surprise me, considering the # of times he has tried to contact me in the past month. Oh well, time to move on. I'm not worth being dumped over a text/Facebook. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 I personally am not a fan of the facebook unfriending move. Even if it is meant to be a gesture of separation, performing the unfriending still shows the other person that you have strong enough feelings about them to make the move. If you wanted to show that you don't care about them anymore the best thing to do is nothing. And then just hide all their posts from your wall updates so you don't see what they are up to. that makes sense. but i for one lack the self-control to not look. although i found that when i deleted my ex i could still see his wall posts. so i wound up having to exercise said self-control and just not go on there anyway. lol. but still -- i don't care if my ex knows i still love him. shortly before i went NC i told him i couldn't handle being in contact with him because i still had feelings for him and couldn't handle listening to him talk about other girls. some of my friends told me i shouldn't have said that because it just gave him an ego boost but i didn't care if it did or not. because it was more important for me to get everything out before i went NC and it actually has made sticking to NC much easier. Link to post Share on other sites
radiodarcy Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 oh - - and i vote "yes" for deleting your ex from fb Link to post Share on other sites
marqueemoon4 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 for some reason my friend at work wanted to look at my stbx's page... she has a picture with her arm around her new bf on her main page. it upset me for like 15 minutes, then I realized just how dumb she is considering neither her OR her bf are legally divorced. delete asafp imho Link to post Share on other sites
flitzanu Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 yup. simple. delete/block. deleting isn't always enough. blocking them means neither of you exist anymore on fb, and that's what the decision to break up is, they dont want you in their life. i fought with this for a long time, trying every excuse just like you are for why i shouldn't delete them. every time i looked it made me sick, and i overanalyzed everything. blocking finally killed that urge. i also then went and deleted "mutual" friends. at least, her friends. im in the process of deleting my own friends that still connect with her as well, because she doesnt need any connection to me at all. relationships and breakups were much simpler without social networking. Link to post Share on other sites
TazoCoffee Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Honestly, blocking was the best thing that happened to me. When he dumped me, i immediately deleted him off my facebook and along with his brother. At that point, i knew i had to do it to move on. But for a month, i still struggled even though i wasnt his friend anymore, i still checked up on him by going to his facebook -.- facebook stalking!!. Then i thought of the best answer to the solution: blocking! Im not the type of person that blocks but i thought this is what i must do. I had him block for about a month, and honestly, THIS helped me ALOT. I wish i would have done it earlier honestly. So please, block him for your sake. I unblocked him now and even though we aren't friends now, i have more self control not going to his page and i don't anymore. I think blocking really helped speed up the process. I truly believe in "OUT OF SIGHT, OUT OF MIND" btw: i felt a huge relief when i deleted all his friends and family members that i met through him.. i wasnt close to any of them anyways (rarely talked to them) and yes, i did re-add his brother back b/c i didn't have anything against him and i apologized for deleting him and he told me he understood and would have done the same too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author happiness0421 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Share Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks for the replies, Tazo and everyone else. I just blocked his profile as well. Even though I have had self-control and haven't looked at it in over a month, just going onto Facebook and knowing that I *could* if I really wanted to was bothering the heck out of me. I really wish it didn't have to come to this (me blocking his facebook/emails/phone #'s, EVERYTHING), but he honestly won't leave me alone even though we agreed to go our seperate ways (mind you, he broke up with ME), and I cannot heal with him constantly coming around every 1-2 days. Sigh. Link to post Share on other sites
silvermane187 Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 You did the right thing and you showed great strength in your resolution to not break NC. I wish I had your strength during the first 3-4 months of my breakup. Link to post Share on other sites
TazoCoffee Posted May 2, 2011 Share Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks for the replies, Tazo and everyone else. I just blocked his profile as well. Even though I have had self-control and haven't looked at it in over a month, just going onto Facebook and knowing that I *could* if I really wanted to was bothering the heck out of me. I really wish it didn't have to come to this (me blocking his facebook/emails/phone #'s, EVERYTHING), but he honestly won't leave me alone even though we agreed to go our seperate ways (mind you, he broke up with ME), and I cannot heal with him constantly coming around every 1-2 days. Sigh. im glad you blocked him, trust me it will get better in time (im sure your tired of hearing that b/c i was when people told me, but its true). In the beginning, i thought how the heck would it help me, but i actually felt a relief when i blocked him. i dont know if its just me but its strange how my brain works. I mean i knew when i blocked him, i can easy unblock him but for some reason, the minute i blocked him, i felt like he was gone from my life, like almost as if he didn't existed (haha i guess it was up in my head, but hey it worked out for me). Honestly, i wanted to block him forever but i knew i had to face my problems one way or another (bc im sure ill probbly run into him one day either if i want to or not). So in a month i unblocked him, the first time i went back to his profile, i thought to myself "geez, i wonder what i saw in him. i honestly thought he was the most handsome guy in the world but after his true colors started showing and i had a whole month to think about the relationship and his personality, i dont find him attractive anymore. ugly person in the inside as well." Link to post Share on other sites
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