GreenVista Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Start talking to a guy, ask to meet up, he declines as I went on a few dates with his friend and doesn't step on any toes. I chat to him for 2 months every other day and we get more friendly. I ask to meet again. After a tiny bit more convincing that I wasn't interested in his friend he agreed to go on a date. Once this hurdle was crossed, text frequency increased and lots of little things about how he couldnt decide what to wear and how he was feeling a little nervous. (cute!). Date went really well, talked for hours, went for lunch and drinks etc. Went up to a remote scenic location and had a romantic kiss while laying back on the grass. Held hands on the way back to the car. Ended up going back to his house and slept with him. (Not my ideal situation for a first date, but things were going great and he initiated). Slightly awkward when he mentioned afterwards that it felt odd because it was the first time since his ex, but concluded that 'its ok and he can do what he wants'. Then some slight convo about relationships. Ended the evening with a goodbye kiss, then shortly after txts saying how he had a nice day and stuff. I said it would be good to meet again and he agreed. Anyway.. a few days go by and I ask if he wants to meet up over the long weekend, he says he is 'busy until Saturday' so I say I am free Sunday and Monday and to let me know if he wants to go out. Random other chat occurs. All goes a bit quiet come Friday when he didn't reply to a message then I asked directly if he wanted to meet up Sun or Mon. No reply. I really don't think I was just used because we seemed to click so well. Any thoughts would be good.. is he not over his ex? Is the fact I went on a couple of dates with his friend who liked me got anything to do with it? Is he not ready for a relationship and this all started too fast? What do I do? Just back off and wait? Thanks!
CambridgeGirl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Guys hey, often seem to live for the moment. Maybe the sex was too much too soon, even though he initiated it at the time, might be thinking whoah there since then. Some guys do this. I have seen this before myself and even though I am against rules and believe in going with the flow, I am now of the opinion that sex too soon is a killer. It often makes them either run through fear, or just disappear as that is all they wanted underneath. Bear in mind he is friends with your previous date, might just not want to go there. The ****ty thing is in not responding to your contact no matter what. That is plain rude and immature. Move on.
Author GreenVista Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) Thanks for the reply. I really like this guy though, there are only 2 people in my life I have instantly fallen for and this is one of them (before we even met). Do you think I can go back to trying the random chit-chat friendly stuff after leaving it a week or something and work up from there again in case its just been pressure overload for him? Obviously if he ignored that I would take the hint. The previous date thing was literally like 2 dates with the friend where nothing more than a hug occurred because we just didn't click and I didn't pursue. (and a couple of months ago). Edited May 2, 2011 by GreenVista
CambridgeGirl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 He ignored x2 direct questions via text. Ignored. Now you want to chase him again with "hiya" texts? Think about it. Just because you have fallen clearly does not mean he has. You are worth more.
NicoleM Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I understand that one. My current situation is very similar to yours and I realized he has issues it isn't because of me or it isn't because he doesn't like me he has issues and unfourtunely he doesn't talk much about his issues which isn't a good thing. I worry about him.....
Author GreenVista Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Ok, so we spoke on msn for a brief convo and all seemed ok. He went after about 5 -10 mins though. It just seems such a shame to give up on this, especially as we were texting for months before the date. I think he might not be over his ex or ready for a new rl. Should I carry on as before with casual txts or just be super cool now and wait?
spiderowl Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 So far, you have been pursuing him. You asked him out a few times and he went out with you. Then it turned into sex. For some guys, sex can be too soon. But, I do not think all is lost if you got on well. I do think you need to pull back and let him miss you, let him do some of the running now. When he makes contact, be welcoming and warm, have a laugh, but let him ask you out. I don't think you've anything to gain by pursuing him, let him be the hunter. If it all comes to him too easily, he's going to wonder what he's won. Pheasants don't just drop in your lap, do they? Of course, if you let him do the running he may not come looking for you, but if he doesn't then he's gone anyway. You are a prize. Remember to see yourself as special and give him the space to miss you and pursue you.
Author GreenVista Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 (edited) Right. I waited a week and sent a text saying that I hope his week had gone well and some other random chat. No reply. I think it is clear that he doesn't want to talk to me, but I don't know the reason and want to do something about it. I have nothing to lose so what the hell. Should I email/fb him and say: Hey, I just wanted to say that I enjoyed meeting up with you last time, you seemed really nice. I don't know if something changed, but it would be cool to be friends. Hope I didn't give a super bad first impression or something! Did your new glasses arrive yet? x Edited May 11, 2011 by GreenVista
utterer of lies Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Should I email/fb him and say No, you should not. Stop contacting him. Everyone tells you the same and you ignore it. Again. Do not initiate contact.
Author GreenVista Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Why is this though? How could it get any worse than somebody ignoring you..
utterer of lies Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Why is this though? How could it get any worse than somebody ignoring you.. If he has even a little spark of interest in you, he will contact you.
Flgirl44 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Sounds like he is coping with the true end of his relationship. This sleeping with you was a huge step for him and may have him questioning things between him and his ex. This might be going out on a limb, but i think the ex might have been controlling of him and has left him feeling guilty for pursuing his own happiness. He also might be mad about the control he felt and sleeping with you is a way to break out against that control. Now that he has lashed out, he is re-evaluating his feelings for his ex, now that he has done something he can't take back. Does he still talk to his ex?
Author GreenVista Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 He said he left his ex because he didn't love him in the same way he felt in a previous relationship (no deep connection). I think he did feel guilty for sleeping with me.. he more or less said it right after. As far as I know he isn't in contact with his ex - there was some yo-yo of each trying to get back with each other for a month or so before they settled on NC. This was a couple of months ago now though.
musemaj11 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Smart women initiate, but do not pursue. If a guy says 'no' once, leave him be. If he changes his mind, he will let you know.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Two scenarios: 1) He's back with the ex 2) He used you as a rebound and has moved on In either case, it's clearly over. No one who has any interest in someone else plays hard to get for 2 months. Sorry to be so blunt.
Author GreenVista Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 Two scenarios: 1) He's back with the ex 2) He used you as a rebound and has moved on In either case, it's clearly over. No one who has any interest in someone else plays hard to get for 2 months. Sorry to be so blunt. Was hard to get for a fairly good reason.. one of his best friends liked me and went on a couple of dates with me. Took that long for that issue to resolve itself. The moment we reached that point he was text happy for a week until the date and for a couple of days after. Then zilch. He's not back with his ex.
Flgirl44 Posted May 11, 2011 Posted May 11, 2011 Seems like he's in rebound mode. Which means you can't expect him to have reliable feelings for you, he doesn't know his own feelings right now most likely. I would evaluate what you want from this relationship and whether or not he's in position to provide that.
Author GreenVista Posted May 11, 2011 Author Posted May 11, 2011 I know that I would have been useless for dating after even 3 months of splitting from my ex so can appreciate this. Do you think its worth contacting him again in literally 2 or so months just to get myself back into his mind? Everyone is saying NC, but if people/relationships are anything like marketing (which I do for a living) you need to repeat the message to get in their consciousness no matter how good what you offered is.
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