UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Hi all need some advice and a big reality check!! I was seeing this guy who was inconsistent but as he always initiated contact I thought Id give him the benefit of the doubt !!!! He then said he'd call me one weekend and then I didn't hear from him for a week and a half!! When he finally got in contact asking how I was I was polite and responded that I hoped hd was ok and that we'd speak soon I never got back in contact and neither did he for two months and then out if the blue I get a text saying 'hey stranger' and asking how I am and what I'm up to! I was shocked as generally thought he wasnt interested but just didn't know how to say it!!! So I responded that I was good, explained what I was up to and asked him the same questions - he responded that he was going away fir the weekend and that I should enjoy my weekend and we'd speak soon!! That was over a week ago and again no contact!!! Do u think he interested after all and if not why bother contacting me at all??? Now although when we first met he was the one who initiated the contact he would also cancel dates, text me asking questions and then when I responded he wouldn't reply back and when I finally asked him if he just wanted something casual he went quiet for a week but then responded that I hadnt scared him off and that we'd have a chat about it but this 'chat' never happened!!! So I decided to cut my losses but then he gets back in contact !!!! Help please!!!!
Professor X Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 NO, HE IS NOT INTEREST IN YOU, HE JUST KEEPS YOU ON LOW FIRE, AND HE IS OBVIOUSLY SUCCEEDING SINCE YOU GET ALL EXCITED THAT HE TALKS TO YOU!!! Are you that desperate for attention? No? so tell him to piss off.
Author UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks for the comment, although tone was a bit harsh I get the message!!!!
Professor X Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks for the comment, although tone was a bit harsh I get the message!!!! =) !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
daphne Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 UE, I think it's pretty obvious to the outside observer that this guy is not very interested. However, if other options that are at the forefront for him don't work out, he may pick up the intensity of his communications. I would find someone who is sincerely interested. It's a waste of time otherwise.
Author UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 I know what ur saying is true I can even see it when u re read my post! But I just thought that as he's chosen to get in contact without me initiating anything then it meant that he might of had a change if heart!! I'm not gonna lie I really like this guy hence my optimism but I can see I'm just fooling my self!! Just wish he hadn't contacted if he's not into me then isnt it logical thst he just stay away????!!!!!!!
Sanman Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I know what ur saying is true I can even see it when u re read my post! But I just thought that as he's chosen to get in contact without me initiating anything then it meant that he might of had a change if heart!! I'm not gonna lie I really like this guy hence my optimism but I can see I'm just fooling my self!! Just wish he hadn't contacted if he's not into me then isnt it logical thst he just stay away????!!!!!!! Men don't think like women. My guess is that as he has nothing he really wants going at the moment (dry spell), so he figures he can hit you up right now. Maybe he just got out of something with another girl and is on the rebound. He may honestly give it a shot or just initiate a fling to get laid. Either way, the only thing clear from what you know is that you aren't his first choice.
livefastdiehard Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I think with a guy and situation like this, some sort of confrontation of the matter wouldn't be inappropriate. It's a win-win for you at least. He'll either say it's not true and make it up to you (win!) or continue being a jerk and you've called him out on it and you're moving on (win!)
stepka Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) Yeah, just ignore his calls and texts and he'll slither away. These types won't work any harder than they need to. I get this sometimes and it's like you can't even tell who their texts are directed to--I had to tell one guy to take my name off his list b/c I kept getting these generic texts that I quit responding to but about once a week. . . I'll bet they were going out to 25 other women. Groan, I'm sitting here telling you this while I text with some guy who really isn't into me. Well other people's problems are easier to solve. Edited May 2, 2011 by stepka
Author UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Confrontation doesn't work I tried clarifying our situation when we first started dating and he began blowing hot and cold - but it never worked he just dodged the question and went quiet again!! And although I'm here getting advice I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how worked I am over this!!
Author UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 My friends are all telling me to give him a chance as they think it will all end in some happy ending so it's refreshing to get advice that is objective and truthful so thanks for the posts x
stepka Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Confrontation doesn't work I tried clarifying our situation when we first started dating and he began blowing hot and cold - but it never worked he just dodged the question and went quiet again!! And although I'm here getting advice I don't want to give him the satisfaction of knowing how worked I am over this!! No, confrontation never works because they're hoping to keep you on the back burner. They will never be honest about their feelings. Honestly, I had a situation similar to yours and after the first date I didn't hear from him for another 6 months. I knew that he was in Afghanistan but I also knew that it was only for 3 months. Then I heard from him and just figured that I'd give it another go. Date went great and he really seemed to have a good time and I knew I did. But then that magic week and a half went by and then we go out again but he tells me that even though he's 54, he has a hot 30 yo on the side and probably won't even be able to get it up for me. In other words, he was taking me off the burner. At least I didn't have to chase that one away--def preferable to a stalker.
Author UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Wow!!! Glad to hear I'm not alone in this!!! maybe I just need to be a bit more ruthless with this dating game!!!
Star Gazer Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Men have some secret sensor that alerts them to when you're jussssst about to write them off and forget about them forever - whether it be someone you're talking to/seeing fairly regularly or someone who goes MIA (like this guy) for ages. Then BAM! they contact you and get you all riled up again. Tis the way of life! Something I've learned over the years is if you're wondering if he's even interested, he's probably not. As for why he contacted you? Probably bored and just scrolling through his phone...
Author UniqueEbony Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 I know best thing is to ignore him but curiosity willalways get the better of me!! And yes I'm fully aware of what curiosity did to the cat!!
Gala Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 And what's really stupid and lame about guys like this is that they don't necessarily HAVE 2 or 3 other real prospects...they may want to seem like they do, but NOPE. Oh - and to Stepka -- chances are that your 54-year-old is totally blowing smoke. What a F***. I don't own this book, but Rhonda Findling is the author of Don't Call That Man. You may or may not feel like you need to own a book of this title...I just think of the title and it helps.
AstroZombie138 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Frankly, this thread should have ended after the first reply.
stepka Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Wow!!! Glad to hear I'm not alone in this!!! maybe I just need to be a bit more ruthless with this dating game!!! You're absolutely not alone in this and the thing to keep in mind is that this has nothing to do with how desirable you are. Just think of all the beautiful stars that have problems getting and keeping their men. Frankly, this thread should have ended after the first reply. Well you would be right but honestly we need constant reminding or we start to do things that hurt our pride because sometimes a bad date looks like it might be more interesting than the humdrum lives we usually lead, so I just go back to the library every so often and recheck out the book He's Just Not That Into You. Might be time to do so again since I texted Mr. Bored for about another hour tonight. Why? I wish I knew as I'm certainly old enough to know better. Oh yes, and Gala--I kind of figured that too, but either way, he just wasn't that interested. I got over it in about less than 24 hours and now I have a great story to tell my friends when we get to laughing about our dating mishaps.
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