Exit Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) Strange situation I'm in, and I already have an idea of what most of the replies I get will be. GF ended our relationship a little over a month ago. We have remained in contact since and still hung out and practically acted like a couple, just spent Easter with her and her family, holding hands in front of everyone, but when I pressure her for an answer she still can't come back right now. We just had a period of 4 of 5 days of no contact, with an agreement that we were going to talk on Sunday. She came over today and we got food and we even gave in to sleeping together although previous times when we have come close we've decided not to. Throughout our discussions tonight, she finally said she WILL be back, that she can't imagine forever without me, that we WILL get married. She promised these things, and I asked her if she was just trying to make me feel better and she said no. I asked her "soon?" and she said "as soon as possible". She agrees with me that so much of what we have is "irreplaceable" and when I try to tell her that she shouldn't risk losing that, she still can't agree to try right now. The deal with her right now is that her mom is in and out of hospitals and her and her grandma have had to go to court and battle for guardianship of her mother against her mom's crazy boyfriend. The last court case was a draw and guardianship was awarded to the state so now they want to appeal the decision and go through the whole process all over again. She says this is all just wearing on her and she can't get in a good enough place in her own head to handle a relationship and everything right now, but she is still finding time to hang out with her friends and do other stuff without me. She says friends are friends, that friendships don't require her figuring out "forever" right now, that friends allow her to escape her problems for a brief moment but she doesn't find that escape with me because she knows I want to be serious and to be with me requires her to think of everything that's going on. The cynical side of me thinks she has nothing to lose, she can make these promises to me, and worst case scenario, she just breaks her promises, leaves me broken, and moves on with her life. The side of me that believes in love wants to believe this is all the truth and we will end up together. I'm trying to grow as a person and understand that only I can be me, and everyone else doesn't think like me, and just because I don't completely understand her reasoning doesn't make it wrong. I try to put myself in her shoes and imagine knowing I want to spend my life with someone but also knowing that I'm in a terrible place right now and can't give them what they need. I could believe in her 100%, or I could tell her I don't find this fair and that we will never see each other again, or the middle of the road would just be to look at it as I have nothing to lose, why push her away when she's promising to come back, just go about my life, do what I wanna do, and see what comes of it. I did an online search for anyone discussing a similar situation, and did find one person who got the most obvious replies like "dude, she wants to bang other people and then come back to you when she wants to settle down, don't be dumb". Is love dead? Does everything in life really have such a cynical spin to it? Am I crazy for hoping this will work out? Should I tell her as soon as possible that this isn't fair and I'm moving on, or could there really be a light at the end of the tunnel? Does she just really want to be in a better place before agreeing that we can get engaged and plan our future? Edited May 2, 2011 by Exit
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