captured_butterfly Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Yup the ex :-( He was very drunk and was saying how much of a twat hes been and how much of a dick hes been, how im the love of his life and he cant believe how bad hes tret me and how hes tortured by happy memories of us. I was half asleep listening and all i could think was, 'ive heard this about 7 times before and it never works out me running back' and thats the sad truth :-( We've been going out for 7yrs, broke up twice in 5yrs then the past 2.5yrs have been very on/off about 7 break ups, all on his part or ive had to because of cheating :-( Just cant do it anymore. I told this to him last night and he said he doesnt want to waste his life either and just wants us to be happy :-( and my god i wish i could beleive him, sad thing is i dont. I think that if theres genuinely any chance at all for us we NEED to be apart and sort out our issues and grow as people, not just get back together because we're lonely or because he feels guilty, because it wont work :-( Any kind words appreciated :-)
0hpenelope Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I think that if theres genuinely any chance at all for us we NEED to be apart and sort out our issues and grow as people, not just get back together because we're lonely or because he feels guilty, because it wont work :-( YES. Oh goodness, someone gets it. Yes! That's what it's about. And who knows, if you end up dating other people, you'll find partners better suited for both of you. Win-Win. Personal anecdote: a friend of mine did the whole break up/make up thing with her current boyfriend of 6.5 years. She's gone so far to say "When we break up, don't take it seriously." (?! Yeah, I never understood that) They're getting engaged soon. He asked permission from her parents already. When we were talking about relationships, I said "You know, I was one of the people who thought you wouldn't last simply because of the whole make up, break up stuff you did to him. And honestly, if I were his friend during that time, I'd be mad at him for coming back to you every time instead of taking time for himself to figure out if being in limbo with you is worth it." Good luck, OP.
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanx ohpenelope :-) Its took me a looooong time to get to this point but know we cant carry on like this :-( I HATE hearing him upset and know he loves me, he just doesnt get how to treat me right if i run back to him all the time because he's just got away with it :-( I do love this guy very much, we've been through alot nd hes been there for me through a lot but when all the lines have been crossed its hard to re-draw them :-( Is your friend still doing the on/off thing or have they now settled??? Intrested to know if on/off can become permanently on. Thanx again :-)
0hpenelope Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Is your friend still doing the on/off thing or have they now settled??? Intrested to know if on/off can become permanently on. Thanx again :-) She doesn't do those mini-breaks anymore. Every single time I've heard her do that to him, I wanted to get angry with her but instead, I said to her "I think you're forgetting how lucky you are to have him." There's something unhealthy in the relationship that caused a break up. I do believe in reconciliations when both people are healthy for each other and are willing to grow together. Nobody ever has absolute knowledge about the outcome of these relationship things. I've seen multiple relationships break up and get back together, both of the unhealthy kind and the healthy kind. In your situation, cheating seems to be a dealbreaker for most couples (it's mine as well) but I've seen couples who worked through that, too. As for my friends, it's become permanently on and again, it may not happen with your situation. Or it may happen. Either way, focus on your stuff, let your ex sort himself out, and if the two of you are on the same page about things... I'm sure you'll work things out. Or perhaps, you'll find yourself leaving him behind in your growth. Which is okay, too.
Author captured_butterfly Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Thanx again for replying :-) I know the relationship wasnt right but could never understand why :-S We would have arguements that never got resolved and his answer was to just say 'its over' He cheated on me over a year ago when things were very on/off but we managed to get through that although there was always lingering trust issues on my part that i never really resolved. Im taking positive steps in trying to better my life, im seeing a counsellor to try make sense of the relationship but also because i had a pretty rough childhood due to my mum having mental problems and has left me unresolved issues. Im also looking into a college course or some sort of after work course to do :-) Just trying to make myself a better, happier person :-) My ex has been in contact telling me how hes going to change his ways and better himself as he doesnt want to be unhappy and make people unhappy all his life. I really hope he does but im going to leave him to it and only time will tell i guess! Thanx agen :-) x
Recommended Posts