Tulip2005 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Very on off relationship, I have finished it 2 weeks ago, now he is ignoring me, and the more he ignores me the more I tell him I hate being ignored, makes me miserable and want to stay friends. He initially wanted to be friends as we have known each other a long time. Once he started ignoring me, I have gone nuts, texted twice per day last few days saying please don't ignore me I hate it, thought we were friends etc. Can't stop myself, was fine when we were on good terms buy being ignored is driving me bat*****. Help
Kodo Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Very on off relationship, I have finished it 2 weeks ago, now he is ignoring me, and the more he ignores me the more I tell him I hate being ignored, makes me miserable and want to stay friends. He initially wanted to be friends as we have known each other a long time. Once he started ignoring me, I have gone nuts, texted twice per day last few days saying please don't ignore me I hate it, thought we were friends etc. Can't stop myself, was fine when we were on good terms buy being ignored is driving me bat*****. Help You ended the relationship 2 weeks ago? Maybe I can help provide a perspective from someone who is on the otherside, the dumpee. He is probably ignoring you because this is his way of dealing with it. Being friends may hurt him when you start moving on to someone else.
Author Tulip2005 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks, I'm not sure thats it. We have always stayed friends in past. A week ago he told me to go away so I did, then he emails a day later inviting me to a party, I said thanks, but didn't go. Now after telling him I hate it when he ignores me he refuses all contact amd honestly it drives me nuts, he was the one who wanted to be friends, and TBH he didn't treat me that well when we were together, why cut me off now. In the past if we have split up he has stayed friends but tried to meet up etc and then things get back, this time I have said I do love him but don't want to be with him as anything but a friend. Was he lying when he said he ws happy with friendship? I have met someone else, just hate being on bad terms with him. He seems very hostile all of a sudden.
0hpenelope Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Your ex needs to get over you. Back off. No one, I hope, will vilify you for breaking things off, but you have met someone else. Focus on your new guy and back off from the ex that you left. Even though your ex once said he's okay with being friends, why does it seem like it's not okay for him to change his mind? He can change his mind and his feelings about it, just like you had a change of mind and feelings about him. In the moment that he said he wants to be friends, maybe he was okay with it at the time. Your most recent information shows that he isn't okay with it now and I don't think you should feel entitled to his attention. He needs to get over you. Back off and in time, if both of you want to be friends, you will have that opportunity when you're on the same page. Leave him alone to heal and good luck with your new relationship.
Author Tulip2005 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks I know you are right. Its weird, him ignoring me just makes me want contact, don't know why, but really hate it.
0hpenelope Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks I know you are right. Its weird, him ignoring me just makes me want contact, don't know why, but really hate it. It's just an effect of having someone you want to notice you but they're not giving you attention. He's doing NC on you, and the reason we advocate it, - which is the side effect of NC being the ex eventually getting curious about things or being bothered that there's no contact from the other side - you're demonstrating right now. You're also demonstrating the "breadcrumbs" of ex reaching out. You don't really want him back romantically, you just "hate being on bad terms with him." You need to go NC and it's great you acknowledge that. A break up doesn't equal "Let's be friends, okay?" Give your ex breathing room and the risk you take is not having him be in your life. You have to live with that. You're moving on. Stay that course and don't give your ex mixed signals.
Kodo Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks I know you are right. Its weird, him ignoring me just makes me want contact, don't know why, but really hate it. By him ignoring you he is denying you that friendship you want. Basic example of wanting what you can't have. You need only scroll down at any thread in this forum and see an infinite amount of examples of it. But keep in mind as 0hpenelope said, he is most likely doing it because this is his way of moving on. He doesn't hate you. He hates the circumstances which currently define the two of you.
betterdeal Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 It's over. That's what you hate. Once you let yourself grieve the loss you will feel better. NC is about moving on.
Author Tulip2005 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Aghhh just texted him, weak weak weak Now wondering if I did the right thing and if I should have worked at it Is that what NC does to people?
jordkorn Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I tried to get her back for a whole month. Then I realized it was over and she was not going to change. She kept txt me but I did not respond. It is best to go NC
Author Tulip2005 Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 Just texted and asked if we can have a coffee in a month and he instantly replied and said yes. Did say as friends, but we will see, starting to think I made a mistake but feel better that he replied instantly and not ignoring me. Which is bad I know.
Kodo Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 Just texted and asked if we can have a coffee in a month and he instantly replied and said yes. Did say as friends, but we will see, starting to think I made a mistake but feel better that he replied instantly and not ignoring me. Which is bad I know. From a guy who is in his position, you're being extremely unfair. Why do you want coffee with him? For all you know he is now sitting on false hope because you want to see him. If you're having second thoughts about the break up that's fine, but use this time to talk to him then. Try and solve your problems. Perhaps you two just need space but not the end of a relationship?
D-Lish Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 If you broke up with him and have a new bf- it's not fair to have any expectations of friendship, or anything else from him. If you care about him, you'll let him be so he can move on. Keep in mind that you're making this all about you. It's selfish to demand friendship of him when you were the one that left him. He's asked you to leave him alone- and you need to do that for him. Stop making this all about you and your inability to deal with someone ignoring you because it makes you feel bad. Accept responsibility for breaking up with him- and know that in doing so, you have no right to demand anything from him. You may want this friendship, but that's selfish of you given the circumstances.
Author Tulip2005 Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 Thanks. I do still love him, but towards the end we both said some vile things to each other, space yes is needed, not sure jumping into another relationship immediately was a bright idea but it took my mind off things. I guess I hope in a month or two we can meet and see?.
betterdeal Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 You'll be fine. Enjoy your in-between relationship, catch up with this guy some time in the future, some time just after you can say to yourself, "you know what? I haven't thought about Tim for a week now, I'll give him a call." and not before.
Author Tulip2005 Posted May 16, 2011 Author Posted May 16, 2011 He's just told me to back off. Does this mean FO?.
Fufu Posted May 16, 2011 Posted May 16, 2011 Just continue to move on for yourself. I told myself this, "Every time I text my ex, I become weaker. Every time I resist not texting my ex, I become stronger."
Recommended Posts