Komplicated Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) my SO & I were joking about exchanging passwords to our FB & we kept giving each other false passwords! It was funny coz when we both tried them they were both wrong! we have been over the fact that we trust each other & respect each other's privacy! anyways on like the 6th exchange, he gave me the real one & when I tried it it opened. I told him I wasnt going to look, he insisted I did & I said ok just to see his tag pics! I saw some pretty funny ones & we laughed! Sadly curiosity got the best of me when he went to bed & i snooped! I discovered a conversation between him & a girl! It was removed from his inbox but not cleared from the history! They talked about lots of stuff, including sex! Then he asked her to profile him. She said he liked/was attracted to her & he said true! She said he would be interested in having sex with her if he wasnt a bit discouraged by her being a virgin! he laughed and said true. She then said she couldnt figure out if he into casual sex or having a relationship, he said casual sex scares him. The conversation went on for a while, nothing else was of real significance tho. I am suppose to meet my bf in June after a year apart, up until now I have trusted him completely. I dont know if what I read is serious enough to change thigns, I haven't even confronted him because I feel silly! Edited May 2, 2011 by Komplicated
HeavenOrHell Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I would be very upset by the fact he said 'true' when she said he would be interested in having sex with her if he wasnt a bit discouraged by her being a virgin! And the fact he agreed he was attracted to her, that sounds like more than friendship. Even if they're just joking around/flirting that would still upset me he said those things, how would he feel if you and another guy were having a similar conversation about sex? Can you trust him/do you trust him now? my SO & I were joking about exchanging passwords to our FB & we kept giving each other false passwords! It was funny coz when we both tried them they were both wrong! we have been over the fact that we trust each other & respect each other's privacy! anyways on like the 6th exchange, he gave me the real one & when I tried it it opened. I told him I wasnt going to look, he insisted I did & I said ok just to see his tag pics! I saw some pretty funny ones & we laughed! Sadly curiosity got the best of me when he went to bed & i snooped! I discovered a conversation between him & a girl! It was removed from his inbox but not cleared from the history! They talked about lots of stuff, including sex! Then he asked her to profile him. She said he liked/was attracted to her & he said true! She said he would be interested in having sex with her if he wasnt a bit discouraged by her being a virgin! he laughed and said true. She then said she couldnt figure out if he into casual sex or having a relationship, he said casual sex scares him. The conversation went on for a while, nothing else was of real significance tho. I am suppose to meet my bf in June after a year apart, up until now I have trusted him completely. I dont know if what I read is serious enough to change thigns, I haven't even confronted him because I feel silly!
Author Komplicated Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 HeavenorHell...i feel that way too! I am upset about it especially since we over 10000 miles away & this girl is someone he sees often because they attending the same university. I've always trusted him & kind of placed him on a pedestal! i dated lots of jerks before & this the first 'decent' guy but I dont now...now I feel like he's just a wolf in sheep clothing
blugirl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 so it happened when you were alr together? I dont know... tough one. I would ask him straight and said how I feel, I guess. But if he gave you his pw that means he didnt have anything to hide..? Im kinda lost in it ><
wild_urge Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 You should read my thread, it's on the first page . . . Pretty much the same thing happened to me recently . . . like last week . . .but I'm trying to forget it, since he said it's nothing . . . you should talk to him about it, of course he can deny it, even if something happened, but you know him best. . . so maybe you'll be able to tell . . . I don't know, I myself still feel weird about the whole thing . . .
idontunderstand Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I"d talk to him about it. Successful relationships need to have open communication and trust. This is just another test of how strong you two are together.
Pianiste Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 There's no need to feel silly about asking him. It was his choice to give you his password and it was also his choice to tell you to take a look around. He should know you could stumble upon this conversation so there's no reason why you shouldn't bring it up. It's not a smart idea to keep it bottled up because the suspicion will just go from bad to worse. It bothers you and raises questions so be honest and tell him how you feel about it and ask him to explain the situation. Otherwise it'll keep lurking in your head and he'll have no clue.
angelboots Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 i think the fact it was in deleted from he's sight but in he's history shows he WAS trying to hide it... I agree with everything Pianiste has said.. ask him about it. Communication and trust in an LDR is more important then anything else and right now both are being compromised by this revelation
Author Komplicated Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 thanks everyone... blugirl, it did happen when we were already together! we been together for almost a year now but we haven't met yet we will in june though. wild urge, i know the feeling- i actually finally asked him about it & he gave me a water down version of the conversation he had with the girl & said it meant nothing, they just were talking from one thing to the next & the converstation strayed. I have forgiven him but it has changed how I felt about him...which isnt a good feeling Idonotunderstand, I realize it's a test & it's something 'small' & so I decided not to give up on us & trust him. Pianiste, I did ask him about it & he said it meant nothing. My boyfriend isn't the talking type, he doesn't like confrontations so all he kept saying was he's sorry, whatever I decide he deserves & he can understand that he hurts me. I never really got to find out more about the situation, I did most of the talking but right now he's preparing for his exams so I dont want to stress him too much but after he's finish I will hopefully be able to clarify some things. angelboots, the fact that he was trying to hide it was what made me really upset. He admitted he was and he didn't want me to find the conversation but he insists it meant nothing. I told him i'm trusting him, what he chooses to do with that trust is up to him.
madjac74 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I dont get it. You trust each other yet you gave each other false passwords 6 times? And he was likely using this time to delete things that would incriminate him. Were you? And if he isnt the talking type how the heck do you guys survive a year apart? oooh right other girls
Author Komplicated Posted May 6, 2011 Author Posted May 6, 2011 I dont get it. You trust each other yet you gave each other false passwords 6 times? And he was likely using this time to delete things that would incriminate him. Were you? And if he isnt the talking type how the heck do you guys survive a year apart? oooh right other girls I suppose he was deleting stuff, he did admit to removing certain things that he didn't want me to see. I had no intentions of actually giving him my password because we said we trust each other & its not necessary. It was suppose to just be a joke, but he gave me his- I still didnt give him mine. And he has changed his password since everything happened And well you're right he is a talker but only when he wants- if he feels under pressure or if he thinks it'll lead to an argument he will retreat, start apologizing & try to avert conflict as soon as possible. I am the total opposite, i like to lay things out but now I don't even bother I just ask him not to apologize because he's not sorry he is just saying it to avoid conflict. I still feel detached & to be honest I've kind of been hot & cold with him. He has final exams & I'm trying not to stress him out but at the same time there is a lot on my mind. My friends say I'm blowing the situation out of proportion, but I just can't get pass it. It's like I have little flashbacks & i feel so angry & frustrated. Like I said I dated jerks- I know them inside & out & I didn't mind, but now I wanted something different & I felt like he would have been different. I'm just disappointed I guess. I've actually decided to avoid talking to him all weekend, no emails no nothing. We usually talk every day & we email each other a short message every day or other day, just to say i love you or wish each other luck on upcoming assignments or exams- he's been emailing but I've stop, I know he knows things are different but I also know he wont ask out of fear of opening a can of worms
madjac74 Posted May 6, 2011 Posted May 6, 2011 I dont think you have blown things out of proportion. You have every right to be upset. And the fact that he avoids confrontation is likely because he is up to no good and doesnt want to admit to any of it. Kinda like when my kids do something wrong and I know they did it but I just need to hear them own up to it. Most of the time they would rather just get in more trouble and go through a bunch of hoopla before they finally admit it. However you forgive him too easy and he knows this so he just waits for you to cave in and back off. I would say you have the right idea to ignore him for the weekend. Its kinda like when I put my kids in timeout and make them think about whether they would rather just admit what they did, accept discipline and move on or draw it out and make things worse. If it sounds like im comparing your bf to a kid, well i am
Author Komplicated Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 I dont think you have blown things out of proportion. You have every right to be upset. And the fact that he avoids confrontation is likely because he is up to no good and doesnt want to admit to any of it. Kinda like when my kids do something wrong and I know they did it but I just need to hear them own up to it. Most of the time they would rather just get in more trouble and go through a bunch of hoopla before they finally admit it. However you forgive him too easy and he knows this so he just waits for you to cave in and back off. I would say you have the right idea to ignore him for the weekend. Its kinda like when I put my kids in timeout and make them think about whether they would rather just admit what they did, accept discipline and move on or draw it out and make things worse. If it sounds like im comparing your bf to a kid, well i am hahahaha thats ok he can be a bit immature, I am slightly older & so it can make him seem very childish in comparison at times. I'll try my best to ignore him all weekend, and see how things go from there. I do feel I forgive him too easily & I know he knows it, it's just my personality though I am forgive/forget happy go lucky person. I'm very optimistic & always overlooking stuff, but like your kids I need to let him know that his actions have consequences Thank you
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