Vitai Slade Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I'm not going to give up on this girl... I just can't bring myself to do it. Four years ago, this girl and I had a very romantic and naughty 'fling' that lasted a couple months. The connection between us was unsurmountable and the electricity lit up the room when we were together. Anywhere together. Unfortunately, due to her having a boyfriend at the time... well... it didn't last, to say the least. We broke contact for a good three to four years and she convinced herself that she hated me. Just in the past couple months, we got back into contact, she broke up with her boyfriend, and ended up getting with me for a couple months. Now all of the sudden, she's ended it saying that I have no chance with her. Ever. There was no cheating, there was no abuse. There were surface issues with my self-esteem and sense of self-worth, but I'm working on fixing my own issues. I love this girl to death and I know that she loves me too... but she's once again broke contact completely and I probably won't be able to even talk to her for another good year or so. But still I want her... still I fight for her. Is there a chance?
smudge21 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Sadly I'm going to be the first one to say that it's highly unlikely you and this girl will ever be the perfect couple you want. Initially you were a fling - you played with fire and got burnt. I've been there and learnt that lesson the hard way too. She was already with someone and you fell for her. It can happen so easily as the desire to be with her can be double with the old wanting what you can't have situation. Okay, so that ended and after a number of years she's back. Obviously the fling was a good one (take the positive from that at least - you were short term, but very good short term), but once again that's all she's after and she knows you're good for it. I would take a guess that this girl sees you as an easy option; she had you during a bad patch with her boyfriend, and now gets you again when that ends. Basically you're putting it on a plate for her and serving it. Where's the challenge for her? Where's the desire and need when it's always there? Now as I said, I've been there a long time ago. I knew the situation and still jumped in feet first. My own fault. I got badly hurt, wanted this girl but it was clear I was just a fling - a bit of fun to keep her real relationship exciting. I fell for her so badly and it took a while to get past it - no contact was my only choice (tough when I worked with her). I like to think I learned that lesson but my most recent ex is a bit similar. She was single, but her on/off long term ex was still around. I did question the situation and pretty much got the green light from them both. However, after a time it was clear they were getting back together - I guess the thought of losing her to me made him step up his game... I dunno', I never got to find out what happened between them to bring them back together (they're now getting married). My point is though, that even though this one was single, she wasn't totally, and I was possibly just a fling again. It happens and it's happened to you. I'd like to give you a definite answer and positive response but for both of my situations I had to walk away. It was tough but it was clear that I was never going to be anything more than a casual thing. I too gave them what they wanted at the time. Was always there when they needed me. I pretty much said I was fine with the whole situation when I wasn't. I loved them both (still love the recent ex) and wanted more. You must go no contact on this girl - no more chasing or being there if she calls. If you think it may help, do what I did and send a goodbye email. State how you feel, what you want and say you have to leave because you know she can't give you that. Then leave. If she does have any other feelings for you, then she'll miss you and start making the effort (once she's realised you're not there anymore) but you shouldn't hold out hope for that. NC is about healing and that's what you (and I) need to do. It's a sad case when you fall for someone who's in a relationship or just out of one, as often they end badly. You're not alone in feeling this way though.
0hpenelope Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I'm not going to give up on this girl... I just can't bring myself to do it. Four years ago, this girl and I had a very romantic and naughty 'fling' that lasted a couple months. The connection between us was unsurmountable and the electricity lit up the room when we were together. Anywhere together. Unfortunately, due to her having a boyfriend at the time... well... it didn't last, to say the least. We broke contact for a good three to four years and she convinced herself that she hated me. Just in the past couple months, we got back into contact, she broke up with her boyfriend, and ended up getting with me for a couple months. Now all of the sudden, she's ended it saying that I have no chance with her. Ever. There was no cheating, there was no abuse. There were surface issues with my self-esteem and sense of self-worth, but I'm working on fixing my own issues. I love this girl to death and I know that she loves me too... but she's once again broke contact completely and I probably won't be able to even talk to her for another good year or so. But still I want her... still I fight for her. Is there a chance? Anything coming from you will come off as pushing and contact with her will be more meaningful if the efforts come from her first. Maybe you won't hear from her again, maybe you will. But if you look around the forums, there's a recent post from someone who heard back from his ex after 15 years. He doesn't want anything to do with her and while she says she just wanted to catch up, putting in effort to look for someone suggests otherwise. You will fail. If you stay around, you will fail in attracting her back to you. Do not forget that you are the prize. You're panicking right now and believe it or not, you're not in the mindset to make a good decision. Some will argue that if you keep talking to her or fight for her, at least you can say that you put in the effort and you can walk away. But in doing so, you also sacrifice the time that you could have spent feeling better and healing sooner. You know, get to the gritty, painful parts of healing. And the sooner you get to those difficult parts, the sooner you'll get through them, and the sooner you'll feel better. You want hope? You have to let her go.
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