Lilmisus Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 So, there are two guys I'm interested in right now. One way more so than the other, but the other..I still have a crush on, and am not throwing out the idea of going out with him. Both..I work with, and because of that, I'm not actively trying to go out with either of them. Just flirting, talking, and keeping the options open. That being said, tonight, I was working with guy #2, who I'm less interested in than guy #1. With this guy, numerous people told him that I liked him, and told him to ask me out (which I didn't want at all, even told people to leave the dude alone). Soon after people started telling him these things about me, he started backing off, and I understood why. Things just became awkward for both of us. But we still talked, joked around and all this stuff, just not as much as we did before people opened their big mouths and decided to "help me out." He told people that he was thinking about asking me out, but like I said..things were too awkward now because of it. I told people that with everything going on with him, I didn't like the idea of going out with him anymore, since it'd feel like he was just forced into asking me out and didn't actually want to do it. That all mainly occurred two weeks ago though, and since, people haven't really been saying anything to me or to him, and we've been going about our days as if nothing happened, but while avoiding each other a bit more than before. Tonight though, he came up to do something, and he reached into his apron to pull out some change. While doing so, he pulled out his phone, pressed the button to see if he had any messages, and put it on the counter, right in front of me. I looked down, of course, and saw that his picture was of him kissing a girl. It felt like a slap in the face, and it pissed me off. Especially when he continued looking for change, looked at me, looked at the phone, and pressed the button again, to light it back up, and kept it there. I don't know if his goal was to make sure I saw it..but regardless, it sure did feel like it was his goal. Even my managers who were right there said that they felt the same way when the saw the phone, and didn't say anything to him because it was so awkward. I, of course acted like I didn't see anything and that I wasn't completely pissed off and smiled and continued talking to him like I didn't see anything..though we all knew I did. When he came back up later though, and did the same thing of taking his phone out while looking for some change..the picture was completely different. It made me wonder if he changed it, or if his phone uses any picture at random. Regardless, I stayed pissed off. Especially since I couldn't help but wonder if that was an ex-girlfriend and he put up the picture just to get me off his tail. But, it turns out, that it was my friend's daughter who had set them up on a date this past weekend. Her daughter is not interested in him at all (told her cousin, my friend that), and refuses to go back out with him, so it still made me wonder..why have a picture of her up on your phone (as a background image) if she's not interested? If you're not interested in me, I get it, and I back off. I'm not the type of person who can't take no for an answer; I'm the type of person who can understand that hey..not being interested in me isn't the end of the world..time to move on. And that's what I did..I moved on and started pursuing the other guy who I was way more interested in. This guy even knew that I backed off and even asked people if I was mad at him for not asking me out (no). I'm just wondering why on Earth he felt the need for me to see that picture of them. Maybe it was an accident, but I highly doubt it, since he could have put the phone right away after realizing the picture..not put it there, plain for me to see. Sorry, needed to vent
Author Lilmisus Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Wow, what a total ass. Seriously dodged a bullet. See, I didn't think he was one at all, since for the past couple of weeks we've been handling this pretty maturely and I thought it was understood that we'd just move on from everything that was said. Especially since he's the great gentleman type of guy, who doesn't seem to like drama too much. Maybe that's why it was such a slap in the face to see that picture, since it was the last thing I was expecting him to do. There are so many ways to do it so much more discretely. Plus..it was another slap in the face that my friend (who was the ringleader of the people telling him to ask me out) set him up with her daughter..when she said she wouldn't do that since she knew I liked him, even though she wanted her daughter to go out with a "nice guy" for a change. Not as much of a slap, since I'm not mad about it, but still... God, I'm just really pissed off right now
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Id just be glad that you found out his true colors earlier on. Id feel upset too, but think of it this way, he wasn't your first choice to begin with. Not much of a loss, right? Best to just move on, he was tasteless but you were still classy.
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Maybe he knew about guy #2? Therefore he already felt kinda rejected. If he actually liked you it would be hard for him to back off and even harder to hang around you knowing you liked someone else more. What he did was still immature but it could be his way of trying to make you jealous or show you that he doesn't need to chase you either or something like that.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Maybe he knew about guy #2? Therefore he already felt kinda rejected. If he actually liked you it would be hard for him to back off and even harder to hang around you knowing you liked someone else more. What he did was still immature but it could be his way of trying to make you jealous or show you that he doesn't need to chase you either or something like that. Though I totally get where you're coming from...I'm not so sure about this. Mainly because no one really knows how I feel about guy #1. If he knows how I feel about guy #1, then either the two of them would have had to of talked about it, or someone would of had to slip up and tell him "Oh..Lilmisus likes Bob more anyway, so it's no issue if you go out with Tara! She'll understand!" Which is definitely a possibility, but I doubt it happened. I'm really trying to switch into my typical optimistic mood here and hope that he didn't do it on purpose. I remember what his face looked like when he saw that the picture was showing, plain to see, and it looked a bit surprised. I'm just really hoping his phone is like mine where if you press the side button to see if you have any messages, it just has a random picture pop up as the background, and it changes each time. That way, he didn't set the picture to that, and didn't expect it to be the picture showing. I'm hoping that's why he pressed the button again and looked at me, to get it to change..and that that's why it was a completely different picture when he came back up there (it was some logo). He also tried talking to me more after it happened..more so than he has for the past couple of weeks. But, of course, its extremely hard to stay optimistic and to try to have this mindset when it feels like he did it just to be an ass..and that it wasn't an accident at all. Gah, I hate worrying about unimportant things and people when I shouldn't bother myself with any of it, and instead should be sleeping...
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I don't think it matters. He was nice to you before and seems to be trying to maintain the friendship now. So what if he slipped up and maybe did something a little stupid/immature. Just try to forget about it and continue on. If this was a new trend of him doing retarded stuff it would be another story, but just one incidence which may or may not have even been on purpose. If you are friends already i think you should just let it slide.
green_tea Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 You're overthinking things. So what if he had a picture of some girl on his phone and you saw it? It could have been unintentional, or it could have been intentional. Who cares, and it doesn't necessarily make him a bad person. You've seen that he's into some other girl, so now you know and can move on.
ASG Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Ahh the master tactician always keeping her options open. A guy needs some sort of sign that there is interest on the part of the female. He isn't going to risk it all at a shot in the dark but you expect a guy should because you are just that stunning. No woman is that irresistible. A guy who will come out of left field to show interest more often than not thinks he deserves you because he is just that much better than you or he is doing it on a lark since even if he fails he wouldn't have been with you anyways. Only to a girl is every nuance important when to a guy this would mean nothing. A guy doesn't play nearly the number of games women think are played. It is all in your mind. That you got so pissy says more about you and how you still feel about him than anything about him. When you are single having an image of the last girl you were with or would want will keep you in a better mood or do you expect us all to have fuzzy kitten backgrounds or something equally innocuous and lilmisus approved? Also making it seem like you are a catch by being surrounded by women, involved, or unattainable turns women on or at least gets their attention. It worked on you lil miss "i don't care" even though he more than likely never intended anything. If he did this with only the two of you present then it wouldn't have mattered? Is this all about a tarnished reputation because you no longer have the upper hand in the presence of your peers due to an assumed open attack? If he wanted to get you then he would just come out and do it. Most likely in an insulting joke or simply an insult. More girl logic. No one else can have him though I don't want him. Your friend saw it was going no where and acted. Keeping a man waving about in the wind instead of putting him to some use so he can be available as an option you don't want is ridiculous. ^^ This. You overthink and over react to every little thing. And you need to keep people OUT of your business. Having "ringleaders" on the quest to make a guy ask you out is childish. And you say they do it of their own accord, but truth is, they wouldn't if you were firmer about not having them involved. I used to have friends talk to the guys I liked for me... when I was 12!
Professor X Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 If you're not interested in me, I get it, and I back off. I'm not the type of person who can't take no for an answer; I'm the type of person who can understand that hey..not being interested in me isn't the end of the world..time to move on. And that's what I did..I moved on But you don't get it, you don't back off, you can't take a no for an answer, you can't understand that it's not the end of the world and you certainly did NOT move on. Why do you keep on insisting that you do not care when obviously you do, really baffles me; It is as if you pretend to be someone you are not. And yes, you do care, hence, why you came here to vent over something that is basically meaningless.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 But you don't get it, you don't back off, you can't take a no for an answer, you can't understand that it's not the end of the world and you certainly did NOT move on. Why do you keep on insisting that you do not care when obviously you do, really baffles me; It is as if you pretend to be someone you are not. And yes, you do care, hence, why you came here to vent over something that is basically meaningless. Okay, woah. Where did you get that I didn't back off? I've made recent posts about the guy who I was interested in. With this guy, I've stopped talking about him to others, I stopped trying to flirt with him, I stopped trying to initiate contact. He would come up..do his work, I'd make a couple comments to him (if that), he'd go on his merry way. If anything was really said..he'd usually start it actually. Like two days ago, I wasn't really saying anything and he said "So...how's your day going?!" with a smile on his face, and I just smiled, answered his question, and asked him how he was. That's basically how it's been between us for the past two weeks. Plus, the fact that I'd try to avoid him more if I knew he was someplace, and wouldn't try to talk to him if I passed him. So, what? Does being friendly now equate to not backing off? I started talking to the other guy way more, started flirting with him, and I told people that I wasn't interested in guy #2 because it just annoyed me with everything going on with him. Most people understood, and they stopped saying things to him..which was the biggest (if not the only) problem. If people kept saying things to him..I wasn't told about it. And yeah, I do care, because, hey, if he was trying to piss me off or see a picture that didn't need to be shown, it was completely rude and unnecessary. Like I said..others were there and said the same exact thing (not to him of course), so I'm not the only one who feels that way. It just feels like I'm the one who it was being directed at.
Author Lilmisus Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 ^^ This. You overthink and over react to every little thing. And you need to keep people OUT of your business. Having "ringleaders" on the quest to make a guy ask you out is childish. And you say they do it of their own accord, but truth is, they wouldn't if you were firmer about not having them involved. I used to have friends talk to the guys I liked for me... when I was 12! Here's what happened: I talked to this guy one night, my one friend said "Hey, he likes you!" I said "No..I don't think so..." She said "Yeah, he does...does he have a girlfriend?" I said "I have no clue..plus I think he thinks I'm with my ex still anyway, but I'm not worried about it." Next night I told her I would like to know if he was single..but that was it..she asked if he had a girlfriend..told him I was single, and told him he should ask me out. Also that day, my one friend who heard about what happened wanted to know if he was into me, so she also told him (without me knowing anything about it) that he should ask me out, saying that we'd make a cute couple. I found out from him about that one. The next day, I wanted to know if he was saying anything about me, or if people were telling him rumors about me, so I asked my other friend to keep her ears open, since, what with everything going on with my ex there, lots of rumors have been spread about me recently. I didn't want him to hear anything untrue that could make him think differently of me, and if he did hear or say anything (especially bad), I wanted to know about it. My friend said she understood and said "she'd get the job done" and I told her "okay..just please don't say anything..seriously, too much damage has been done..don't you dare!" and she promised that she wouldn't. What she did instead was...tell him to ask me out. I got pissed off when I found out about it, and that's when things really became awkward between me and him. She would keep talking to him about me, and he'd keep asking her questions, and she wouldn't let it go..no matter what. I even told her multiple times to stop it, and that I wasn't interested anymore, and she didn't care. This is the mother of the girl he took out on Friday. I love her to death, but she really screwed me over on this. Then yet another friend (who said she couldn't believe people were saying things to him...) decided to get revenge on me for something, by asking him what was going on between us, and telling him as well to ask me out. That's when he said things were awkward between us, and he said that he wasn't sure because of all the things people kept saying to him. I wasn't even the one to tell her how I liked him..someone else told her, and she asked me about it. Not a single person was asked to say something, I told them all to keep their mouths shut, and told them that I didn't want a single thing said to him. But this is definitely the biggest example of why you shouldn't tell a soul your business, especially at work. Tis the reason I'm keeping guy #1 wayyyy on the DL, and barely anyone knows about him. I've told people I don't want the same catastrophe as I had with this guy, since that'd be even more horrible. So far..people have understood, thank God.
fishtaco Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Well, since this guy doesn't matter to you, nothing happened between you two anyway, maybe you shouldn't be pissed off. Honestly, women have done far worse things to me. He's just being lame. That is pretty cowardly. If it matters that much to him, he should bring you to some place private and have a talk. But under most circumstances, that's not necessary at all. A women most likely will not make a move on a guy. I have women that like me, unfortunately usually ones I'm not interested in. I just play the dumb guy as if I don't get it. And I can even continue the association, even flirt, and things will not move forward, period. That's one of the perks for being a guy. So there's was absolutely no need for him to do that.
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