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Posted

Well, I'm finally over xMM and no longer want him or miss him. I'm feeling empty and lost because I dont know what to do with myself if I'm not loving him or missing him. MM and even just the idea of him took up so much of my time, that now I have no idea what I should do with myself.

 

I've got some residual unhealthy feelings as well. I'm truly over him, but at the same time, I've got this deep seeded desire to have him come running back to me. I want to for once "win" and keep someone's love. i know I'm just working out some unhealthy issues from my childhood with this desire.Winning in this game of love, has little to do with actually having MM himself back.

 

I learned a long time ago, that its pointless to try and make someone who doesnt love me, love me, yet I still feel like if I could just once win in the power struggle of love, then I'd prove to myself that I am a worthwhile person.

 

I've fought such a power struggle my whole life, trying to win the love of my parents and then later peers and lovers. All this inward battle has done is lead me to eating disorders and drug addiction.

 

Physically, I'm healthy now and I'm stronger than the weakest part of myself, so I wont actually engage in any sort of love/power struggle.

I just wish I could stop the negative self talk that I keep having.

 

I know that Xmm would bring me nothing but lies and head games and possibly even financial ruin..I know I dont want any of that, but how can I get over the need to "win" in the game of love? Others seem to attract and keep love so easily and sometimes I think I'm just destined to be alone.

Posted

Counselling..

Hobbies..

Get to know "you" again and find a fun passion (no more MM! :p sorry just a bad joke, trying to be funny), something that will get your heart pumping.

 

He's become such a habit (checking in, wondering, thinking about him etc) now there is a void. You Do need to find something to occupy your mind and yourself to keep busy.

 

The type of counselling which really could help you is cognitive behaviour therapy. It'll build you back up and help you cope with this stuff too on a healthier level.

Posted (edited)
Counselling..

Hobbies..

Get to know "you" again and find a fun passion (no more MM! :p sorry just a bad joke, trying to be funny), something that will get your heart pumping.

 

He's become such a habit (checking in, wondering, thinking about him etc) now there is a void. You Do need to find something to occupy your mind and yourself to keep busy.

 

The type of counselling which really could help you is cognitive behaviour therapy. It'll build you back up and help you cope with this stuff too on a healthier level.

 

Pretty much this.

 

I'm sure your life doesn't literally revolve around the xMM. Just do what you've been doing before you got involved with him.

Edited by OldOnTheInside
Posted

Perhaps some counselling would help you.

 

I am feeling similar to what you are

 

I understand what you mean about not knowing what to do now. I think it's part of losing the "addiction" that we had.

 

MY life literally DID revolve around MM because I have few family and friends.

 

He was my primary adult relationship and it lasted almost three years. we shared hobbies and social groups. If you are in a similar situation, then it can be possible that you really do feel lost.

 

I am just wishing that it can all be over but it takes time. Guess it took time to get here so it will take time to get to another place.

 

If you are able to send PM give me you email if you would like.

 

Best wishes,

 

Gentlegirl

Posted

Counseling for sure. Only IMHO, you self esteem is still low... no one should have to try & "win" the love of someone. Especially a guy. They come after us, remember? :p

 

Have you tried positive affirmations? And some hobbies and activities that you enjoy can be a good way to help with self esteem. Typically when you accomplish something, your self esteem gets a hit of happy. Do you have a pet? They are great too.

Posted

Now, you have all the time in the world, to love yourself.

 

You may find out you are much happier than before.

 

If you're willing to allow yourself this time to love yourself, you may also

 

find that you'll be much more attractive to others as well.

  • Author
Posted

Thanks for all the support and advice. This site has been a life saver for me. I do think I would benefit from cognitive behavioral counseling.

My issue at this point it my own thoughts..my outside circumstances are great. i see that I am a truly blessed person but at the same time, negative, self defeating thoughts keep circulating through out my brain.

 

I've lost that "loving feeling" for MM but I havent lost the need to overcome rejection.

 

I'm working hard on getting my thoughts on a more positive circuit. I can't afford counseling co pays now. i have insurance, it's just I dont have $30 a week to spend on counseling. I am reading tons of books that take the cog/beh approach.

 

I do believe that once I get my thoughts on a continous positive track, that I will be attacting even more positivity to my life.

 

This break up has sucked the life out of me, but at the same time it's given me the chance to become a much more improved person.

I'm thankful for the 20 lb weight loss and the workaholic hours I worked as now I'm fitter and closer to being debt free. I've made improvements to my self growth as well..so I know that one day when all is said and done, I'll look back and say "Its all good,"

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