somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Since I do so poorly with women, people (online) often tell me that I should lower my standards. What does that mean and how would I do it? I don't exactly have an army of ugly girls that I'm desperately trying to keep at bay.
Lilmisus Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I personally don't think people should lower their standards just to get a date. I mean..it's one thing if you just go for blond, tall, gorgeous models..which in that case, definitely lower your standards to something more realistic. But it's a completely different thing if you're standards are only that you need to like someone and be attracted to them before you start dating them. Or that they need to have an education, or some sort of employment.
welikeincrowds Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 That's probably naive advice. It would be wiser to lower your own standards of excellence. You probably have certain expectations for how something should play out in your relationships to women; maybe you shouldn't have any, except that relationships exist at all. (And really, not even that. Don't expect!) It sounds a bit like giving up, but really it's about avoiding the internalization of failure where there wasn't any. Relationships are nebulous by nature and expectations are like any grading system; there's nothing wrong with it inherently, but most graders are retarded when it comes to picking the criteria.
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Find a niche. Consider what trait you find most appealing in a woman and start looking for ANY girl with that trait and focus on that. This is if looks really are the greatest concern for you. I still think you need to focus on looking for a girl you like cos you get along but so many guys on here who have trouble with women seem to be focused solely on looks and ignore any girl that isn't crazy hot. if you need to find a hottie, it isn;t working because saldy for you you aren't attractive enough for whatever reason. So to keep looking for someone who isn't going to turn you down but will turn you on you just have to try and narrow your requirements for what you need physically in a woman to be attracted to. I guess for guys this would mostly be stuff like thin/curvy/big breasts/petite/athletic/eys idk.
Author somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Nah, I'm not after the tall hot blond girls anyways. Just people who are in my range. welikeclouds, I have no idea what you just said.
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Never cut yourself short. Whos to say what you can't persue when it comes to dating? If im attracted to someone, Ill take a shot regardless if im "out of there league." I've never believed in leagues, beauty is in the eye of the beholder afterall.
Author somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 thatdog, my niche is geeky girls who like anime and video games. I seem to get along best with these girls as we have a lot of things in common. None of them can really be called hot and they usually don't bother with stuff like makeup. Granted I do not go after the overweight ones.
welikeincrowds Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Nah, I'm not after the tall hot blond girls anyways. Just people who are in my range. welikeclouds, I have no idea what you just said. You're lucky I like clouds. You know, **** it, I don't know what I'm saying half the time either. My point is that you beat yourself up a lot. It's one thing to be lonely but it's another to be lonely and hate yourself for it. Loneliness is just an emotion, like hunger. Hopefully we can help you eat but you have to help yourself too, after all. So, that's what I'm trying to tell you: that you shouldn't be complacent, but that you also might have some unrealistic ideas about "success" in life with regards to women, that may be getting in the way of your goals. For example: it's okay to be friends with women. You don't have to have sex with every pretty girl you come across, it really doesn't make you a failure. Not having sex doesn't make you a failure, either. Insert article about Thomas Edison. I think you may just need to take life a little easier, with a little more risk and a little more humor. Life's a bitch and then you die, you know what I mean?
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 None of them can be called hot? Ouch. Go for girls you find appealing! Ps, games like mortal kombat? ftw.
thebody Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Watch a documentary called,"the science of sex appeal". It may put some things in perspective for you about your question. You can find it on netflix if you have it... if not it's free for 1 month. worth a try... It was immensely informative for me... and honestly a pretty good watch.
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 thatdog, my niche is geeky girls who like anime and video games. I seem to get along best with these girls as we have a lot of things in common. None of them can really be called hot and they usually don't bother with stuff like makeup. Granted I do not go after the overweight ones. Sadly IME that's about the worst preference to have. Getting a girl like that is like trying to score a model. They are like the personality equivalent of models. Models are in high demand cos they tick almost all the boxes for what guys generally find physically attractive so theres a million guys out there who want a girl who looks like that and not that many girls. Now consider how many GUYs like anime and video games compared to GIRLS who like that stuff. Unless you live in Japan or Korea you are pretty much screwed. Pretty much every average+ looking girl i've met with that kind of personality has had a stack of guys chasing them. After 15 years of looking I count myself lucky I've found a gf that just likes tetris, Katamari and One Piece (though fortunately Ive pretty much outgrown anime anyhow)
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Sadly IME that's about the worst preference to have. Getting a girl like that is like trying to score a model. They are like the personality equivalent of models. Models are in high demand cos they tick almost all the boxes for what guys generally find physically attractive so theres a million guys out there who want a girl who looks like that and not that many girls. Now consider how many GUYs like anime and video games compared to GIRLS who like that stuff. Unless you live in Japan or Korea you are pretty much screwed. Pretty much every average+ looking girl i've met with that kind of personality has had a stack of guys chasing them. After 15 years of looking I count myself lucky I've found a gf that just likes tetris, Katamari and One Piece (though fortunately Ive pretty much outgrown anime anyhow) I actually enjoy games, along with numerous nerdy online websites. All my friends are similar, and most of them are very attractive and SINGLE. Best of both, don't give up. Just saying
Author somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Well if you are going for those girls every gamer guy is going for them and there are so few. You should look for ones outside of that group. Yeah, it's kind of funny how geeky gamer girls (Trip G) are actually very high in demand. The other kind of girls I'm into are girls who like to go ballroom or salsa dancing. And you know what, they are also in very high demand. Ugh, my life would have been so much easier if I was born a woman and kept all my current interests. Never cut yourself short. Whos to say what you can't persue when it comes to dating? If im attracted to someone, Ill take a shot regardless if im "out of there league." I've never believed in leagues, beauty is in the eye of the beholder afterall. Oh I try, I'm just getting tired of failing. I'm not cut out to be a salesman. None of them can be called hot? Ouch. Go for girls you find appealing! Ps, games like mortal kombat? ftw. Oh they are definitely appealing, just when describing them, hot wouldn't be the first word used. I'd say they are in the cute range. Not out of my league. You like Mortal Kombat? Heh, that's kind of extreme. They're mostly into Zelda, Pokemon and Dragon Age all in their early 20's. The ones that I personally know. You're lucky I like clouds. You know, **** it, I don't know what I'm saying half the time either. My point is that you beat yourself up a lot. It's one thing to be lonely but it's another to be lonely and hate yourself for it. Loneliness is just an emotion, like hunger. Hopefully we can help you eat but you have to help yourself too, after all. But it is still loneliness. Should I bite the bullet and go after girls like her? So, that's what I'm trying to tell you: that you shouldn't be complacent, but that you also might have some unrealistic ideas about "success" in life with regards to women, that may be getting in the way of your goals. For example: it's okay to be friends with women. You don't have to have sex with every pretty girl you come across, it really doesn't make you a failure. Not having sex doesn't make you a failure, either. Insert article about Thomas Edison. I think you may just need to take life a little easier, with a little more risk and a little more humor. Life's a bitch and then you die, you know what I mean?I just want to start dating. To know what it's like to be in a relationship. To not have to spend every night bored out of my mind sitting at my computer desk like I'm doing now.
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Yup I like mortal kombat (ps3), any old school games, street fighter, soul calibur, snes, n64, generally all games @ the arcade. Ill try most games even if I mad fail. Played guildwars too! Just adding to my point, many appealing 'hot' women play. My friends are real lookers and play with me.
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 and they all wear cute nighties to have pillow fights every night after which they practice making out and you'll never meet any of them. How did you find out about our makeout sessions!
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 a-The other kind of girls I'm into are girls who like to go ballroom or salsa dancing. And you know what, they are also in very high demand. b-Should I bite the bullet and go after girls like her? a- sounds a lot easier than you'd think. dancing is the kind of thing a huge % of girls want to try but never get round to.If that's a common interest you'd like to share just look ofr any outgoing kind of girl. Odds are if you got a date with them and mentioned you were into that they would get pretty interested and want to try it out with you some time. b- that link doesn't work or requires signing up for something i guess. what was your point with this and who is she?
Author somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Watch a documentary called,"the science of sex appeal". It may put some things in perspective for you about your question. You can find it on netflix if you have it... if not it's free for 1 month. worth a try... It was immensely informative for me... and honestly a pretty good watch. Thanks I'll look into it. Which points should I be on the look out for. Sadly IME that's about the worst preference to have. Getting a girl like that is like trying to score a model. They are like the personality equivalent of models. Models are in high demand cos they tick almost all the boxes for what guys generally find physically attractive so theres a million guys out there who want a girl who looks like that and not that many girls. Now consider how many GUYs like anime and video games compared to GIRLS who like that stuff. Unless you live in Japan or Korea you are pretty much screwed. Pretty much every average+ looking girl i've met with that kind of personality has had a stack of guys chasing them. After 15 years of looking I count myself lucky I've found a gf that just likes tetris, Katamari and One Piece (though fortunately Ive pretty much outgrown anime anyhow) Oooh I love One Piece. It's come a long way. I do agree with you about them being in high demand. But what kind of women aren't in high demand. Every niche of women has a ton of guys after them. I actually enjoy games, along with numerous nerdy online websites. All my friends are similar, and most of them are very attractive and SINGLE. Best of both, don't give up. Just saying Of those that are single, how many actually want to date? How many have realistic standards? I actually know a few girls that are decent looking and single, but the only reason they are single is that they want guys like this and nobody else is good enough.
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Yup I like mortal kombat (ps3), any old school games, street fighter, soul calibur, snes, n64, generally all games @ the arcade. Ill try most games even if I mad fail. Played guildwars too! Just adding to my point, many appealing 'hot' women play. My friends are real lookers and play with me. Ok you should stop this now. There are thousand of lonely geeky guys on LS and pretty soon they are all going to start migrating to Canada! I'm not even lonely but I might be starting to develop my first internet crush. Better go take a cold shower and try to refocus on this stupid assignment.
Author somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 a- sounds a lot easier than you'd think. dancing is the kind of thing a huge % of girls want to try but never get round to.If that's a common interest you'd like to share just look ofr any outgoing kind of girl. Odds are if you got a date with them and mentioned you were into that they would get pretty interested and want to try it out with you some time. b- that link doesn't work or requires signing up for something i guess. what was your point with this and who is she? Sorry, here's a different link Just some random girl from OKC who is into anime. Here's another picture I found of some cuter girls. They are what I consider to be within the range of my league. As for A, the number of girls who want to dance or go out dancing is very very small. Most already have boyfriends. I've been to too many salsa clubs where there was 5 guys for every 1 girl.
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 When im single I generally go for the "nerdy gamer guys." Anyone who can be goofy with me is key. I sport 3D glasses in public stores, whoever can put up with me is a keeper. The girls your after generally have too high standards. We don't always want the guys from the magazines. You just need to look for the genunine and sincere bunch.
Author somedude81 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) When im single I generally go for the "nerdy gamer guys." Anyone who can be goofy with me is key. I sport 3D glasses in public stores, whoever can put up with me is a keeper. The girls your after generally have too high standards. We don't always want the guys from the magazines. You just need to look for the genunine and sincere bunch. Would you mind telling them that? I'm guessing that it's just because they are young 18-22 and they still believe in fantasies. Frankly I just want to bonk them on the head and tell them that guys like that, don't want girls like them. I'm a decent guy who is eager to have a relationship, wanting to be a good boyfriend, while the girls I'm after are dreaming of pretty boy rock stars rejecting every guy who asks them out. BTW, this is me with some very clever angles and lighting Edited May 2, 2011 by somedude81
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I think it's just the girls your after. Not everyone has unrealistic expectations. In our age range it is expected though. You just have to search deeper. You seem like a overall catch, don't be so jaded. Many girls want just what you have to offer. You don't need to look like Enrique to get a date.
thatdog Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Sorry, here's a different link a- Just some random girl from OKC who is into anime. Here's another picture I found of some cuter girls. They are what I consider to be within the range of my league. b- As for A, the number of girls who want to dance or go out dancing is very very small. Most already have boyfriends. I've been to too many salsa clubs where there was 5 guys for every 1 girl. a- if THAT is the kind of nerdy you want. Finish your studies and move to Japan. You will be beating them off with a stick. b- I think you missed my point. I'm not talking about girls who go to salsa clubs I'm talking about girls who don't but want to learn salsa. Almost every girl I've dated has at some point expressed interest in taking up dancing classes. I have a friend who used to be a salsa instructor and he pulls so many girls. Not the ones in his classes but the ones who he meets in other places, tells them about his job/hobby and suggests teaching them some moves sometime. Always Looking Back - Tony? Alert? Huh? a joke i'm missing or did i overstep a boundary here? if so sorry for the offence. Just joshing.
Rinnix Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 You look in shape, though theres no face shown, theres no reason for you to be deemed undateable. Everyone has a different eye for beauty, some people wouldn't give me a second look. While others think I'm cute. A face refrence would have been better mind you.
Recommended Posts