lovesparis Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I've been talking to a guy for about 2 mos now. We've been on a lot of dates. He indicated a desire to "make it official" after date 2 but I felt that was rushing it. We hadn't talked about it since but I was considering bringing it up again soon. We're both late 20's. I enjoy spending time with him, think he's funny, charming, attractive, has a good job, is a productive member of society, etc etc... I haven't heard from him in nearly a week. I called, no answer, no return call. I think he just did the "fade away," but I'm not sure. We typically talk every night or every other night, at least a text throughout the day... he's asked me to take a trip with him this summer. So I'm quite confused by the sudden silence from his end. I'm not sure how to handle this, because I feel I usually handle it incorrectly. Do I continue to call/contact him until he responds affirmatively that he's not interested or it's OBVIOUS by the continued lack of response? Do I not do anything, assuming he's no longer interested? Do I do something else? I have no problem respecting his decision if he's "just not that into me." But I simply cannot respect a nearly 30yo who just drops contact and doesn't have the wherewithal to just be straightforward about it. Put on your man-panties, grow a pair, and own your decision. GOOD GRIEF.
Knittress Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I'd feel the same way. I'm of no help to you. But I think the idea of 'growing up' is a myth. People get more life experience, or shift their priorities - but nobody ever grows up. Nope.
welikeincrowds Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 You really care about that? Do you believe in repaying a debt to society as well? No, please! Don't start that fire.
sugarmomma Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Follow his lead. He's not calling or returning your calls which is just rude, so don't call him anymore or answer if he decides to call you. It really is simple so don't complicate it. A man whose interested calls and returns calls. Next!!
Author lovesparis Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Yes, I do care about being a productive member of society; holding a job, carrying your own burdens, assisting friends/family/neighbors, having a good work ethic, taking on worthwhile endeavors, bettering the world you live in, expanding your horizons, being caring and conscientious, forward thinking, open-minded, looking out for more than just #1. Don't you want someone like that? Am I missing something here? I also believe in repaying debts, no matter what kind. What specifically are you referring to that is completely unrelated and OT as LS is wont to be?
welikeincrowds Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 OP, I would be angry about not returning the phone call. I would be especially angry about the fade. It's never a nice time to pull a fade, but 2 months is a ****ty time to pull a fade. If I were you, I would schedule a clear plan as to how you are going to deal with this, what actions you are to take. So, on the __th, you're going to call him, on the __rd, you're going to write him off if you don't hear from him, etc. There are no right answers, so whatever makes sense to you is good. Being able to commit will give you peace and a sense of control where it feels that you've lost both. I will say this, though. After seeing , it's evident that there are more and less tactful ways of dealing with sudden absence. This guy may be a ****ty lover and your future best friend, you never know.
fishtaco Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Haha, happens all the time, both genders do this. It is what it is. This is what I do normally, but I'm a guy, so you probably have to word it a bit differently. I'd contact her and leave a message. Normal stuff. Hey haven't heard from you, I guess you're busy, give me a call, I'd like take you out on a date again. Wait a certain period of time, say a week, because you don't want to stalk them either. Then I'd contact her again, this time, leave an "ultimatum" message. But do NOT be angry or accusatory. I've had PLENTY of women behave poorly toward me, I can tell you, being angry does not reveres the situation in any way. Only people that care about you, care that you are angry. Like this one time, she did the oh so original and creative vanishing move. After going through the process above, I said something like, I did really like you (and listed some specifics where I thought were "special moments"), but disappointingly, we seem to have cooled off. But I appreciated the chance anyway... blah blah etc etc. Well, actually that instance, it wasn't an ultimatum, I was ending it because she didn't have the etiquette or the maturity to do it. But for an ultimatum you can just swap out the ending, like let me know what's going on. Then wait for another week, and do the goodbye message. Multidate. That's my advice. Things like this happen ALL THE TIME. Multidating solves this. For that particular woman, I didn't care I was waiting and giving her more than one week actually, to respond. It was annoying, it shows her character, I lost respect for her, but it wasn't like I was holding my breath. I was actually going on dates with other women during that time. Multidating is a problem solver, and makes perfect sense, when you expect things to go wrong more often than right. And in my experience, you run into poorly behaving people more often than not.
Author lovesparis Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks sugarmomma... That's kind of what I'm leaning toward, but it's so infuriating to not be given the courtesy of a "no thanks." So much more aggravating. Game playing, pansy-@$$ed, immature, disrespectful behavior. I feel like letting men (and women) who do this get away with it, without forcing them to say it, keeps perpetuating the cycle. thanks in-crowds... that is also a good way to deal with it. fishtaco, i know women do it too... it's so IMMATURE. gah. i've tried multi-dating and i do. not. like it. it's too stressful for me.
Knittress Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Game playing, pansy-@$$ed, immature, disrespectful behavior. I feel like letting men (and women) who do this get away with it, without forcing them to say it, keeps perpetuating the cycle. Being open and honest about your feelings is atypical, everyone is all about the smooth facade and not making waves - faders especially. Therefore telling someone they're a dbag is only gonna get you slapped with a 'psycho' label. Been there, done that. But hey, they're a dbag - so maybe you don't care?
Author lovesparis Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 @in crowds-- that was a great video.. lol although he's just showing how crazy he is by showing how crazy she is. :-/ @knittress, it may be atypical but it's something i value, and how i try to live my life, and how i expect others to treat me. i guess if that makes me psycho...
welikeincrowds Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 @in crowds-- that was a great video.. lol although he's just showing how crazy he is by showing how crazy she is. :-/ As someone who has dated pretty much exclusively crazy women, I resent this remark for its accuracy
Author lovesparis Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 LOL!! I've had my fair share of crazy men and I've been a little crazy myself, from time to time, though I usually know when I'm being crazy, so I'm inclined to think I'm generally sane.
daphne Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 @ incrowds. That was a ridiculously funny video. I could understand a little the frustration of maybe the first 2 emails. But it just went to hell after that. Holy retaliating control freak! He dodged a bullet. @ fish. Great post. If one of the guys I had been dating had handled things as maturely as you seem to with women, we might have made a go of it. But interestingly, now that I've seen that video, he did a much milder version of the retaliation. Which makes me realize he must have been a control freak too! Dodged a bullet. Phew.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 can we all just GROW UP?!? I've been talking to a guy for about 2 mos now. We've been on a lot of dates. Perhaps you were smitten by the immature boy in him... and he grew up
dispatch3d Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 I'd feel the same way. I'm of no help to you. But I think the idea of 'growing up' is a myth. People get more life experience, or shift their priorities - but nobody ever grows up. Nope. maturity is definitely real. Haha as real as is possible I guess, for something that is actually an idea. Anyhow, some people are responsible, some aren't. Some learn more responsibilities as they get older, some don't.
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