sirweasles Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Ok I am convinced that my wife has been sleeping around she will not admit to it but my kids have caught her. My wife is a completely different person than she was 8 months ago. I am pretty convinced that me and her are over but I still need her to wake up and stop lieing and neglecting my kids she has become obsesed with what everybody thinks of her and has lost too much wait. My wife never used to yell now she yells all the time. My daughter is scared to talk to her and I have no influence left. What can I do. My daughter was bawling last night looking at pictures saying thats my mommy why cant I have her back. I just dont know what to do or how to wake her up snap her out of this distruction spirel I still Love her and want her to be ok. Does anybody have anything to offer?
You Go Girl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 You can't talk to a brick wall, they don't answer back. Find out if she is having an affair or not, but really what difference does it make? She's tuned out her family for whatever reason. I would definitely say she is more than likely having an affair if she is neglecting her children, and not just you. It's not tailored to just shut you out--she's shutting out her child. Make her wake up? No, I no longer advocate trying to do that whatsoever. In fact I now believe in the opposite. Let her go, and make zero attempts to stop her, once you have said your peace, that you don't want to lose her, etc.Tell it to her face, and then write it in email so that she can look back on it for the future. Then let the train wreck happen. We don't have control over others, which is a good thing, because then others could control us. Take care of your daughter and be there for her.
Author sirweasles Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 I know she is having an affair. I am now in town living in a motel room every third week the other 2 weeks my kids are stuck with her and my 12 year old daughter is falling apart I can only tell her that she needs to talk to her mother and tell her how she feels and that I cant do anything. My daughter has been through so much It is killing me knowing she is going through this now. I Like the email idea ill do that and leave it there. unfortunatly i cant say anything about what she is doing becouse i think it makes things worse.
You Go Girl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 When you have your daughter for the evening, make it all about her and you. Get some popcorn, rent a movie she likes, give her your undivided attention, make her favorite dinner, and then cuddle up on the couch to watch the movie. 12 year old girls still need affection and hugs. If her mother is ignoring her, you cuddling up with her will mean the world to her. Too many dads start pulling away from physical affection the second their daughters start to grow a bustline. This is a mistake. She's physically changing, but she's still a girl, with a girl's mind, not a woman's, and she still needs hugs and cuddles. This will go a long way to comforting her while her mother is neglecting her and busy with her affair guy.
Author sirweasles Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 I know you would laugh at the motel bed when we are watchin tv. Its quite a tangle having my 3 girls all trying to lay next to me and fighting over me. I love my girls and I try through the depression to give them as much of me as I can.
osurmin Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I would suggest looking for a place to rent - it has to be cheaper than a motel, and would be a much more stable enviroment for your girls. Make all your decisions in their best interest, including ditching your spouse. If you want to snap her out of it - do the Divorce 180 - go LC and show her what life will be like without you and the girls.
Author sirweasles Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 well I work 700 miles away from my family and I work a 15 and 6 schedule which means im working 15 days and fly home for 6 days. I dont have full custody nore would i take my children away from her I am working with a bad situation becouse I have no control over anything other than my paycheck which goes towards supporting my kids. I know that if I took money away it would hurt my kids becouse the way she is right now she would take away from my kids before herself. however i am starting to limit some of the money going her way. I dont know how to do nc when there are kids involved infact i dont think its a good idea at all however I am going to try to to cut conversation and contact as much as possible
Author sirweasles Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 how can i best go NC while still taking care of my kids what is the best advice you guys can give me becouse I have to get my life together
fltc Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 You need to talk to a lawyer and see about filing a divorce and maybe getting custody. If that happens you can take the daughters with you to a new home near your work and end all the stress. If you can't get full custody (which is most likely) see if you can get 50/50 and divide the time into long segments such as 3 months or more. Again, you can be in your new place far from your ex.
Author sirweasles Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 honestlyu tryin to avoid the devorce and court battle i could never get custody becouse my oldest daughter isnt biologically mine we are on a 50/50 deal as it is . I dont want to take from my children I just want my wife to be the mother she used to be. I am goin to talk to a laywer to find out my rights and evey thing just in case however my primary concern is for my kids and they need there mother.
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