rocketboy9 Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 As I mentioned in another thread about a month ago now I asked a woman out. I got the friend's speech. I honestly tried to be friends with her. Its just not working for me. She basically wants a boyfriend that she doesnt have sex including all the emotional intimacy that goes with it. Frankly its killing me. I just got a string of emails from her that are brutal emotionally. I just cant do this any longer. I want her to go away and leave me alone. No emails, no contact. Just go away. I am looking at 2 options: *Just cut off all contact with no explanation. I dont particularly like doing this as I have had it happen to me and it leaves the other person hanging. They sit around wondering what happened. Not really nice but it does work. The best part is I get to avoid any talks about the situation. *Sit down and have a talk and just say this is not working out. She is going to want an explanation about why we cant be friends like she wants and I dont want to have it. She told me the other day that everyone meets for a reason (yeah to torture me). I have a feeling this is going to end in theatrics which is what I dont want. She is very affectionate and expressive. I could see this getting really ugly with crying and/or yelling. I can deal with a lot of crap but crying women isnt one of them. If I missed an alternative I would love to hear it.
Sunstar Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Why do you think she would cry and create drama if she rejected you in the first place?
vsmini Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Sounds like an email explaining how you feel and asking her not to contact you again is the best thing to do. I don't 100% agree with her line that people come into each other's lives for a reason. I think the statement is true but that doesn't mean that you need to leave claw marks in people and not let them go. Some people come into your life for a season to teach you one thing and that's perfectly ok. Not everyone is meant to stay into your life for a lifetime. And it's a fool who doesn't know the difference between the seasonals and the lifers. Gotta let folks go sometimes. This doesn't make you "mean" - it's just out of your arena right now and you want to move on. Explain this to her and ask her to respect your boundaries. If she doesn't then she doesn't care and it shows she's only on you for an ego stroke.
vsmini Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Why do you think she would cry and create drama if she rejected you in the first place? This response was just unhelpful. OP made mention about emotional emails from her so drama may very be part of her thing. Many girls will reject a guy and want to keep him in her life for an ego stroke. Sometimes people like back-ups and knowing people are around that desire them. This is unhealthy and unfortunately very common. If I rejected a guy and I knew he was still interested in me or it was too painful for him to be my friend- why would I still fight for him to stay in my life? He's in pain and if I wanted to do the right thing I would be thinking of his feelings and realize it would be wise to let him go.
greenwood Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 As I mentioned in another thread about a month ago now I asked a woman out. I got the friend's speech. I honestly tried to be friends with her. Its just not working for me. She basically wants a boyfriend that she doesnt have sex including all the emotional intimacy that goes with it. Frankly its killing me. I just got a string of emails from her that are brutal emotionally. I just cant do this any longer. I want her to go away and leave me alone. No emails, no contact. Just go away. I am looking at 2 options: *Just cut off all contact with no explanation. I dont particularly like doing this as I have had it happen to me and it leaves the other person hanging. They sit around wondering what happened. Not really nice but it does work. The best part is I get to avoid any talks about the situation. *Sit down and have a talk and just say this is not working out. She is going to want an explanation about why we cant be friends like she wants and I dont want to have it. She told me the other day that everyone meets for a reason (yeah to torture me). I have a feeling this is going to end in theatrics which is what I dont want. She is very affectionate and expressive. I could see this getting really ugly with crying and/or yelling. I can deal with a lot of crap but crying women isnt one of them. If I missed an alternative I would love to hear it. As you are considering to do that I would say do whatever you want, she will be lucky to have you out of her life. If you consider her a human being with feelings then talk to her, be honest, straightforwad and tactful. If she starts yelling and crying, just walk away. And I also wonder why are you so sure she will yell and cry if she rejected you in the fisrt place??
Datura Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) No, don't do it in person. Send her an email, probably the more succinct the better. From the sounds of it, she's lucky to even get an explanation. Block her email. I also wonder why are you so sure she will yell and cry if she rejected you in the fisrt place?? He wants to reject her entirely now, no friendship, no contact. Edited May 2, 2011 by Datura
Sunstar Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) This response was just unhelpful. OP made mention about emotional emails from her so drama may very be part of her thing. I think you misinterpreted what I tried to ask. My point was that emotional e-mails don't necessarily mean she will become angry and/or start to cry. My point was that it's possible that she would handle it well, but I don't know her, hence I asked why he thinks that. (I in no way meant to take a jab at him, perhaps I worded my question too ambiguously) If I rejected a guy and I knew he was still interested in me or it was too painful for him to be my friend- why would I still fight for him to stay in my life? He's in pain and if I wanted to do the right thing I would be thinking of his feelings and realize it would be wise to let him go. Exactly my point. Why wouldn't she react the same way as you would? That was my question in essence. Edited May 2, 2011 by Sunstar
zengirl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Don't arrange a sit down. You're not dating her. Just reply to the emails that you don't like the dynamic. In whatever is the truth. Say in the reply that you will not communicate or respond to any further emails. Then delete any subsequent emails she sends.
betterdeal Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Always a tricky situation when someone offloads their emotional issues on you too much, be they male or female, whether you fancy them or not. Consider a response that conveys your feelings, your fear, what causes these, and what you'd like to happen. For example, "I have something to say to you, but I'm afraid you might react dramatically to it. I don't like hearing so much detail about your emotional issues. I'd like you to stop sending me these kind of emails."
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