Author LadyWriter Posted May 9, 2011 Author Posted May 9, 2011 .You did mention that you did most of the talking. Why was that? Did he just not contribute much or are you always the one who talks while the other listens? Worth thinking about whether you do too much talking or if he just wasn't finding anything he could identify with in the conversation and therefore join in. Either way, if you can't both talk or he is too shy to act, is he right for you? I did most of the talking because he didn't seem to know what to say. I'm actually kind of quiet, but he seemed easy to talk to, so I went with it. When one topic would wind down, there would be that dreaded awkward silence, so I immediately tried to find something else to talk about. I don't know...maybe he just wasn't feeling it?
Author LadyWriter Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 I text this guy one more time a few months ago. He didn't respond until the next day...so I didn't send anything back until the day after that. He spent the summer in his hometown (5 hours away) and just recently came back to finish out his senior year. After complete silence all summer, I had just written him off and deleted his number. Then, a couple weeks ago, he texts me! He was at the college football game (guess he was bored) and proceeded with small talk... asked how I was, how was my summer, etc, etc. He then eventually said "Anyway, we should hang out sometime." I'm completely blown away! How could he ask that after he basically ignored my calls months ago. What's worse is that I agreed to. That was over a week ago and I haven't heard from him. Now it seems like he just wanted to be friends all along. What is this dude's deal???
thatone Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 I text this guy one more time a few months ago. He didn't respond until the next day...so I didn't send anything back until the day after that. He spent the summer in his hometown (5 hours away) and just recently came back to finish out his senior year. After complete silence all summer, I had just written him off and deleted his number. Then, a couple weeks ago, he texts me! He was at the college football game (guess he was bored) and proceeded with small talk... asked how I was, how was my summer, etc, etc. He then eventually said "Anyway, we should hang out sometime." I'm completely blown away! How could he ask that after he basically ignored my calls months ago. What's worse is that I agreed to. That was over a week ago and I haven't heard from him. Now it seems like he just wanted to be friends all along. What is this dude's deal??? he's that shy. he doesn't know what to do. as a man who is used to mentally beating at least answers if not submission out of flaky women.... next time he contacts you, put him on the spot. START the conversation with "so you said we should hang out sometime, how about tomorrow?" and have something in mind. tell him about a restaurant you like or a bar you like. make it obvious that this isn't friendly, this is a date. if you manage to get that far with him, just go on the date like any other normal first date. assuming he doesn't totally turn you off with his insecurity by that point, don't let him leave without scheduling the second date. a simple "i had a good time, we should do this again" will suggest he's supposed to answer with yes or no, so if he says yes pitch another date and time on the spot, in person, don't wait until later. if he agrees to that you're well on your way at that point and things should be getting more normal. now, in between those dates, this is the catch... disappear. do not text. do not call. if he does don't be rude, but keep it short and sweet. do not confirm the next date, that invites him to get cold feet. you could even refuse a text or call with "sorry i'm really busy, no time to talk right now, but i'm looking forward to seeing you on XYZday, see you then!" make it clear that you expect him to show up to that next date and he will be disappointing you if he doesn't. if he continues to be flaky and indecisive, at some point you just have to ask "am i wasting my time here?" simple, to the point, invites a response. the whole point of this game is saying little, but inviting the other person to say more. do little, but invite the other person to do more. don't be pushy, but be direct, and do/say things that invite a response. then judge that response as best you can. at the very least you will learn more about men by having to act like one with this guy so it's not completely wasted effort
Author LadyWriter Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 disappear. do not text. do not call That's not going to send the wrong signal to a guy who evidently doesn't know what to do? I get the feeling he hasn't done much dating....if that's even his intention now.
thatone Posted September 14, 2011 Posted September 14, 2011 That's not going to send the wrong signal to a guy who evidently doesn't know what to do? I get the feeling he hasn't done much dating....if that's even his intention now. you disappear AFTER you set the day and time for that first date. that way there is no opportunity for him to talk his way out of it. the last thing in his mind from your last conversation should be the day and time he's supposed to meet you for that first date. anything said between then and said date should reinforce the day/time by comment, not question (see point about stating that you're 'looking forward to seeing him' not in any way reminding him or asking him if he's still coming).
Author LadyWriter Posted September 14, 2011 Author Posted September 14, 2011 he's that shy. Out of curiousity....What makes you say he's shy vs. uninterested?
thatone Posted September 15, 2011 Posted September 15, 2011 he keeps contacting you. if he were not attracted to you he would not put himself in such an awkward situation of leading on someone who he wanted nothing to do with. there are basically two switches in my brain, i can't speak for everyone else, but for me, for the purposes of initial contact... a) i would have sex with her b) no i would not that's it until there's some other factor involved after seeing her for awhile. there's not a whole lot of gray area. if the answer is b, she might as well not exist. i sure as hell am not going to go inviting her to contact me if i am not attracted to her.
Author LadyWriter Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 if he were not attracted to you he would not put himself in such an awkward situation of leading on someone who he wanted nothing to do with At this point, I'm starting to wonder if he enjoys leading me on. I got tired of waiting for him (its been 3 weeks) so I sent him a text today. He never responded and probably won't until tomorrow (if he's going to at all). I really don't understand....what was the point of contacting me again if he's not going make a move? Is this an ego thing?
Feelsgoodman Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 So what's the deal? Is he shy, just being nice because he knows I like him and he doesn't want to hurt me, or did he just plain lose interest? I think he's just painfully shy. Maybe he's not asking you out because he's afraid you would say no. Why don't you take the initiative and ask him out?
Author LadyWriter Posted September 26, 2011 Author Posted September 26, 2011 I think he's just painfully shy. Maybe he's not asking you out because he's afraid you would say no. Why don't you take the initiative and ask him out? I'm trying to but he won't return my text and I surely don't see him calling. He said (3 weeks ago) that we should hang out. I said, "We should. Call or text whenever." Nothing since then so I took the initiative yesterday and he hasn't said anything yet. I could give him the BOTD cause he's finishing up his senior year, but seriously, I'm putting in effort and so far....nothing.
Mme. Chaucer Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I think it's time to completely forget about this guy. If he ever calls you up and asks you out on a specific date, you can revisit. Otherwise - cleanse him from your mind.
Emilia Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 I think it's time to completely forget about this guy. If he ever calls you up and asks you out on a specific date, you can revisit. Otherwise - cleanse him from your mind. Agree 100%. It's high time the OP drew the line
East7 Posted September 26, 2011 Posted September 26, 2011 (edited) Sorry to say this but I have behaved like this guy once. He is not shy, he is just not interested ! A mutual female friend pushed me once to a woman that she thought she likes me. It stroked my ego so I was more friendly with her to test it myself. In fact I wasn't interested in her (physically to start with). We escalated the conversations and then I was thinking, I shouldn't lead her on so I backed off to make her understand I'm not interested. Women try to rationalize things : he is busy, he is shy, he hasn't an answering-machine, he hasn't seen my texts...etc If the guy is interested you can tell very quickly. He contacted you out of the blue because he was bored. He is keeping you as a back-up plan for when he feels lonely. "We should hang out one of these days" = I will call you when I'm bored. I suggest you to watch the movie "He is just not that into you" - Spot on the topic. You are waisting your time. Delete his number. Next. Edited September 26, 2011 by East7
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