Nexus One Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Guys often notice different things than women. Shy guys will also go to amazing lengths to justify those things as meaningless anyhow, especially if they really like a girl. I used to be like that. For example I went througha courtship once where I was completely clueless. these are the hints I noticed and my 'shy guy interpretation' as they happend: 1- She talked to me in class (she is probably friendly to everyone). 2- She walked with me to my next class every week (we must be going the same way). 3- She asked if I wanted to study with her sometime (hah! Foolish girl must think I'm smart enough to copy off). 4- She invited me to a club (ok she DOES want to be FRIENDS). 5- She invited me in for a coffee when I dropped her home (knows I live far away and might be too tired to drive). 6- I notice she has photos of me on her wall from before we even met (What a coincidence I turn up so often in nice photos of her friends and family (turned out I knew her sister and brother in law)). 7- She tells me she had a dream about me (must have been a nightmare lol!). ... 8- She gets upset and tells me to stop leading her on cos she has had a crush for years and can't handle it anymore. (..................huh?....................oh!............hmmmm... Maybe she DOES like me.) silly girl. why didn't she send clearer signals then??! Sounds retarded as is but this is seriously how a lot of shy guys think when a woman shows interest in them (albeit not usually to such an extent). same with girls too though if LS is anything to go by. C'mon 2x 3.5hr phone calls and you think he ISN'T interested? Brilliant explanation of how it often works. I don't think it's just limited to shy guy though.
djhall Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Welcome to the guy's side of the fence. Basically you have to make a choice... is this guy worth the risk of being clearly, unmistakably, brutally rejected? If he isn't, then just sit around and do nothing and hope he has the willingness to risk being rejected by you and makes a move. If he is worth it then you need to step up, stop hinting, stop giving clues, and lay it out there in absolutely unmistakable terms... basically you're gonna have to ask him out even if you turn it around into a, "Are you gonna ask me out or not, because I like you and hope you do, but you're gonna miss your shot if you wait too much longer." Of course, if the doesn't take you up on it then you've been rejected, no doubt about it, but that is the territory.... I don't know why women seem to think it is somehow easier for guys.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Welcome to the guy's side of the fence. Basically you have to make a choice... is this guy worth the risk of being clearly, unmistakably, brutally rejected? If he isn't, then just sit around and do nothing and hope he has the willingness to risk being rejected by you and makes a move. If he is worth it then you need to step up, stop hinting, stop giving clues, and lay it out there in absolutely unmistakable terms... basically you're gonna have to ask him out even if you turn it around into a, "Are you gonna ask me out or not, because I like you and hope you do, but you're gonna miss your shot if you wait too much longer." Of course, if the doesn't take you up on it then you've been rejected, no doubt about it, but that is the territory.... I don't know why women seem to think it is somehow easier for guys. Well said! Now to work up the nerve I've never thought the whole dating thing was any easier for guys, but they don't call me at midnight, crying over a girl. I guess women just talk about it more...at least amongst ourselves. It definitely helps to have some insight into the male mind. Thanks!!! This is the first time I've dealt with what I believe to be a shy guy....and I'm absolutely, positively clueless! What you described sounds a lot like some of the thoughts I've had towards male behavior and giving clear signals. Rejection is my absolute biggest fear...but WTH, right? It will bother me until I know for sure.
AstroZombie138 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 Well, to me, the whole working in the same place is something to consider. If he rejects you then you get to go to a place where you have little control over whether you see him or not. There are hardly any single girls at my work anyway, but I'm not sure how I would like the possibility of running into someone who told me to go pound sand at the place where I earn my livelihood.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 Well, to me, the whole working in the same place is something to consider. If he rejects you then you get to go to a place where you have little control over whether you see him or not. There are hardly any single girls at my work anyway, but I'm not sure how I would like the possibility of running into someone who told me to go pound sand at the place where I earn my livelihood. Actually he's not there anymore. His internship ended a little over a week ago. The only link I have to him at work is his sister. They seem close, but I don't know if she knows about the situation or not. Even if she did, I don't think it would be too awkward. She's a sweet girl.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 So what's the deal? Is he shy, just being nice because he knows I like him and he doesn't want to hurt me, or did he just plain lose interest? He's shy... and every instinct you exercise is serving only to keep distance between you when you seem to want the opposite. He's scared... you're scared... (of the vulnerability)... and neither of you is bold enough to reason that "the best defense is a great offense". So do the about-face, and contact him directly, and in real time, and invite him 'out' to some function somewhere. Just do it.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 And what if this whole time I'm thinking he was interested and he only had the intention of being friends. Would he still be acting so shy, as many seem to think?
Author LadyWriter Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 He's shy... and every instinct you exercise is serving only to keep distance between you when you seem to want the opposite. He's scared... you're scared... (of the vulnerability)... and neither of you is bold enough to reason that "the best defense is a great offense". So do the about-face, and contact him directly, and in real time, and invite him 'out' to some function somewhere. Just do it. And what if this whole time I'm thinking he was interested and he only had the intention of being friends. Would he still be acting so shy, as many seem to think?
callingyouuu Posted May 5, 2011 Posted May 5, 2011 And what if this whole time I'm thinking he was interested and he only had the intention of being friends. Would he still be acting so shy, as many seem to think? Given what you've described, it's highly unlikely that he just wants to be friends. (Coming from a notoriously shy guy here ) In response to those who think that because he's not very interested because it took a while for him to call, I think that given what we've assumed of his personality, 9 days can absolutely be possible for him to still be interested. Of course, this is all speculation because even if we think that he's interested (which I definitely do), there is absolutely no way to find out for sure until you ask him out. At this point, what you need to consider is whether or not you think it's worth climbing these hurdles of shyness to get to him. It's very likely that these patterns of shyness will continue throughout the early stages of the relationship until he gets more comfortable. If you think he is someone you're truly interested in, go for it! No matter what, we've got your back.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 5, 2011 Author Posted May 5, 2011 It's very likely that these patterns of shyness will continue throughout the early stages of the relationship until he gets more comfortable. If you think he is someone you're truly interested in, go for it! No matter what, we've got your back. Thanks for the support! You just made my day I hadn't even thought about what might happen when or if we get through the do-you-like-me-or-not part. I expect I may have to do a lot of coaxing or just be blunt with him to get it rolling after that. Any words of wisdom on that?
Author LadyWriter Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Well, I called the guy yesterday afternoon...no answer, left a message, and I haven't heard a word from him. Is that my answer? Cause it sure seems like it...kinda starting to tick me off actually!
Nexus One Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 Well, I called the guy yesterday afternoon...no answer, left a message, and I haven't heard a word from him. Is that my answer? Cause it sure seems like it...kinda starting to tick me off actually! Perhaps he hasn't checked his answering machines or voice mail inbox (yet).
Author LadyWriter Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 Perhaps he hasn't checked his answering machines or voice mail inbox (yet). I feel like he has...but I appreciate your optimism. I've seen some of your other posts and I'm interested in knowing your take on this situation Nexus. Any thoughts?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 And what if this whole time I'm thinking he was interested and he only had the intention of being friends. Would he still be acting so shy, as many seem to think? IF he is the mail clerk, and yours is a desk on which he drops off the mail routinely each day, then there is the chance that his interactions with you are merely to be cordial at work. If the scenario is much different from that, then he is very probably interested in socializing with you away from work. Consider that for his being so shy... even if you knock on his front door, and bare your bosom immediately whilst making a play for his affections, he is NOT, suddenly, going to leap onto the table in the break room one day soon and exclaim: "OMG - guess what LadyWriter did at my house last night!" before actively demonstrating your breast-baring moves to the girls in accounting. The worst case scenario here is that you boldly express yourself, and then free up plenty of your daydreaming time, or social-consideration time... for someone better and more fully desirous of you.
andrew-bkk Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 1- She talked to me in class (she is probably friendly to everyone). 2- She walked with me to my next class every week (we must be going the same way). 3- She asked if I wanted to study with her sometime (hah! Foolish girl must think I'm smart enough to copy off). 4- She invited me to a club (ok she DOES want to be FRIENDS). 5- She invited me in for a coffee when I dropped her home (knows I live far away and might be too tired to drive). 6- I notice she has photos of me on her wall from before we even met (What a coincidence I turn up so often in nice photos of her friends and family (turned out I knew her sister and brother in law)). 7- She tells me she had a dream about me (must have been a nightmare lol!). ... 8- She gets upset and tells me to stop leading her on cos she has had a crush for years and can't handle it anymore. 9. Her skirt accidentally fell off when we went for a walk in the park. 10. Her bra broke when I started kissing her. 11. She got a stomach ache and started moaning when I made love to her. 12. She slipped on the floor and ended up with my penis in her mouth.
thespiff Posted May 7, 2011 Posted May 7, 2011 9. Her skirt accidentally fell off when we went for a walk in the park. 10. Her bra broke when I started kissing her. 11. She got a stomach ache and started moaning when I made love to her. 12. She slipped on the floor and ended up with my penis in her mouth. LMAO!!! This.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 IF he is the mail clerk, and yours is a desk on which he drops off the mail routinely each day, then there is the chance that his interactions with you are merely to be cordial at work.QUOTE] As a matter of fact, it's very similar to that (unfortunately). I had this feeling that he was just being friendly and polite because I had to see him several times a week. But he seemed even more nervous than before, when I knew he was at least slightly interested. I guess I just read the signs wrong...again. Plus the girl who got this whole thing started was pushing me to talk to him, and knowing her, she may have been pushy with him too. Would that have turned him off, or was it all me? I don't get it! What happened between the first great convo where he wanted to hang out, and the second where he never mentioned it? Do guys change their minds that quickly?
Author LadyWriter Posted May 7, 2011 Author Posted May 7, 2011 IF he is the mail clerk, and yours is a desk on which he drops off the mail routinely each day, then there is the chance that his interactions with you are merely to be cordial at work As a matter of fact, it's very similar to that (unfortunately). I had this feeling that he was just being friendly and polite because I had to see him several times a week. But he seemed even more nervous than before, when I knew he was at least slightly interested. I guess I just read the signs wrong...again. Plus the girl who got this whole thing started was pushing me to talk to him, and knowing her, she may have been pushy with him too. Would that have turned him off, or was it all me? I don't get it! What happened between the first great convo where he wanted to hang out, and the second where he never mentioned it? Do guys change their minds that quickly?
SincereOnlineGuy Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 There is some 'value' to be found in merely *knowing* that another party is aware of our fondness for, or interest in them. And in scenarios where it is likely a two-way feeling, that 'value' should be maximized... If you no longer work with him, you really don't have anything to lose... but you should put a direct invitation out there, instead of timidly just leaving the door open and hoping for someone known for his shyness to break through the barrier all of a sudden.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 you should put a direct invitation out there Well I called him Thursday. It's three days later and he still hasn't called back. Normally he would have text me by now, which leads me to think he was only texting me to be polite since he had to see me at work. How can I be direct if he won't even answer the phone??
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I knew from the first post that he is not interested. Nobody is THAT shy, especially since he knew you were interested. He also seemed capable enough to call you and suggest you guys hang out and suddenly he is not capable of confirming the date that you already agreed to? Doesn't make any sense. In dating and love, people do all kinds of weird things for weird reasons (mostly to do with themselves) so don't even try to figure it out.
Darren Taylor Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 I knew from the first post that he is not interested. Nobody is THAT shy, especially since he knew you were interested. He also seemed capable enough to call you and suggest you guys hang out and suddenly he is not capable of confirming the date that you already agreed to? Doesn't make any sense. In dating and love, people do all kinds of weird things for weird reasons (mostly to do with themselves) so don't even try to figure it out. You've obviously never met anyone that is painfully shy.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 8, 2011 Posted May 8, 2011 My point is that a painfully, cripplingly shy person would be too shy to call or even suggest a date. The fact that he did those things means that he is not painfully shy, just not interested.
Author LadyWriter Posted May 8, 2011 Author Posted May 8, 2011 I knew from the first post that he is not interested. Nobody is THAT shy, especially since he knew you were interested. He also seemed capable enough to call you and suggest you guys hang out and suddenly he is not capable of confirming the date that you already agreed to? Doesn't make any sense. In dating and love, people do all kinds of weird things for weird reasons (mostly to do with themselves) so don't even try to figure it out. Ladies and gentlemen, I think we have a winner. This is what I *felt* was happening, but I was majorly confused. Plus nobody wants to know they've been rejected...no one wants the bruise to the ego. At least I found out now before it went any further. More than likely I'll never know the reason things went awry, but at least I've gained some insight in case I ever meet a real shy guy. Thanks anyway, y'all
spiderowl Posted May 9, 2011 Posted May 9, 2011 (edited) He might be shy but I think a guy who is really interested will do his level best to overcome that. It depends what signals you are giving him, I guess. Are you being a bit flirty, I mean not formal and cool? It's a difficult one. I have a friend who is very shy and unconfident with women. He's sort of hinted he'd like to spend more time with me, but in a 'this is on at such and such a place, might see you there?' kind of way. This is not enough for me. He was spending a lot of time sitting with me and chatting when we went to the same places but he is doing so less now. I was not flirting with him just being normal and friendly. This is usually enough for most guys who are interested to take a risk but not this one. My friend really is very shy but I am not certain about him either so we have a stalemate situation. Unless he gets more daring or I get more certain that he's right for me, nothing will happen. Point is, the guy you are talking about could be very, very shy, but I suspect as he has not called you, even though you texted him, he is either less interested now or hapless. You did mention that you did most of the talking. Why was that? Did he just not contribute much or are you always the one who talks while the other listens? Worth thinking about whether you do too much talking or if he just wasn't finding anything he could identify with in the conversation and therefore join in. Either way, if you can't both talk or he is too shy to act, is he right for you? Edited May 9, 2011 by spiderowl
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