Spades Slick Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I just got out of a long term relationship about a month ago. 3 years. First girlfriend. Now she's gone, and i wish we could still be friends. It was a long distance relationship. We met on a game, and were simply really good friends. We helped each other through tough times, and eventually it developed into something more. We fell in love, and started dating. From the start, things could kinda suck. she had constant swings between being in love with me and having a complete emotional break down and pushing me away. it was due to minor things at first, but it became worse and worse as time went on. But i was a romantic, and felt i had found the love of my life. So each time it happened, i welcomed her back with open arms. This went on for about 2 and a half years. (The first half a year or so wasn't too bad.) We were just kids when we started dating. We grew up together. As time went on, we sorta lost interest in the same things. She tried to end it on those grounds a few times, (Among hundreds of other ones- it got to the point where she would break up with me on a daily/weekly basis, getting back together between a day and 3 days later.) but i would always beg her to come back, saying it didn't matter, that we would always be in love. This was a mistake, obviously, and if i hadn't done that, maybe i wouldn't be in the situation i'm in now. She broke my heart on the day of our anniversary this year, as well. Which really sucked, and was just about the last straw. i gave it one more go, after that, but it was over by then. i was in denial, as was she. Eventually, she finally broke me. She left me because she didn't feel we "connected" on the phone. (She wouldn't call me much, or send me too many pictures. she was very self conscious, and hated showing herself. Don't worry though, i got enough to know she wasn't a pedobear.) i was heartbroken. again. But this time, there was someone there for me. A friend who had stuck with me through a few of the break ups. before, she was in a relationship as well, but (miraculously) her girlfriend dumped her on the exact day mine did. she told me she really liked me. we fell in love and helped each other through the breakups. So when my ex came back, i didn't want her anymore. I didn't tell her off the bat that i had moved on. She became really depressed about it, saying it hurt her a lot, and that she'd never hurt me again. i knew it was bull**** at this time. So i said no. It was about a week before i finally told her i had moved on. She said it made her feel better, but that she didn't want to hang out for a while. About a week later, i sent her an email making sure she was alright. She's someone who gets massively depressed periodically, so i was legitimately worried. she responded saying it hurt too much to talk, and she didn't know what to say to me anymore. I get that I probably shouldn't talk to her anymore, and that it's probably impossible to stay friends... but she was my best friend through 3 hard years. She stuck with me through my parents divorce, she helped me through some major depression i was going through when i was younger, and she helped me deal with getting bullied. I don't have any desire to be with her again, and i'm very happy with my girlfriend, but I don't want to completely and totally lose the person i gave 3 years of my life to forever. Even if it's minimal contact, i'd like to be able to know she's alright. Is this wrong of me, and is there anything i can do to try and preserve a friendship? Is attempting to hold on to some kind of friendship harmful to her?
ASG Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Every case is a case, but I have stayed friend's with a couple of exes (and working on another one right now, but it's still early stages to know if it's going to be a successful friendship). It is possible, but both of you have to want it to be that way. Neither of you can be holding on to hope that the other will come back. Also you need to be prepared to not be a priority in her life (and not make her a priority) In short, move on, but yes, you can drop her an email here and there, or call, or whatever. But if she doesn't want you to, then you need to respect her wishes and not contact her.
Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I think a friendship is harmful for both of you from the sound of it, at least at this point. Give it time and space. When the friendship presents itself you will know. I dated a woman for about a year until she broke it off with me. I went NC with her for 5 months. Out of the blue she messaged me and we have been great friends ever since. Don't force it, if you both want to remain in each other's lives you will be, but now seems not to be that time.
Author Spades Slick Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 I'd be alright with that. But if it comes to that, any tips on trying to just... completely move on?
ASG Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Just make yourself busy. Do other things and don't let your life be ruled by the thought of her. There's is no set rule on how to move on. You just need to not dwell in the relationship and look ahead. Work/school, going out with friends and generally entertaining yourself usually do the trick.
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