misssmartypants Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Here's some personal background: Single mom to three kids. They go to their dad's every other weekend so I have time to date. They are good kids, no serious problems. I have a good paying job with regular hours. I won't say I'm wealthy, because I am not, but I make more than "average" for the area I live in. I have a master's degree and tend to lean liberal and nerdy interests wise. My "list" is as follows: Must have decently paying job. But I keep meeting guys who are unemployed, in school or work part time at menial work, like janitors. Must be stable and responsible But I keep meeting guys who live in tiny one-room apartments or with their parents or a bunch of roommates. Must not be super obese (I just can't imagine trying to make love to someone with a huge gut) I don't care if a guy is short, because I'm only five-two, so it doesn't take much to be taller than me. I think I am pretty, I have an hour-glass figure and look nice in a pair of jeans. I am 29, responsible, funny, with a good job and responsibilites. I want to date someone on equal footing with me. What am I doing wrong that all I am meeting (mostly online) is these dubious loosers?
Sunstar Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I don't think you're picky, but calling those guys losers is unfair in my opinion. I also don't understand why you think small apartments are necessarily bad. If you're in a big city, then those apartments can be relatively expensive, especially in densely populated cities where there's a lot of competition for the scarcely available real estate. I also don't see what's wrong with being a janitor, sure it's not an academic type of job or a fancy one at that, but if you like the guy then what does it matter?
Author misssmartypants Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 I don't think you're picky, but calling those guys losers is unfair in my opinion. I also don't understand why you think small apartments are necessarily bad. If you're in a big city, then those apartments can be relatively expensive, especially in densely populated cities where there's a lot of competition for the scarcely available real estate. I also don't see what's wrong with being a janitor, sure it's not an academic type of job or a fancy one at that, but if you like the guy then what does it matter? I live in a rural area. Apartments are rare and to give you an idea, I pay $500 a month for five bedroom two bath house. I guess I have a problem with the guy who told me he was a "part time janitor" because I am educated and I do work a full time job and I am afraid that someone will take advantage of the fact that I am established. I've seen it happen to a friend of mine. She was a single mom and bought a house and all of a sudden she had guys all over her. She married one who seemed like he had a good job, but then he immediatly stopped helping her with bills, lived there with her for two years and never paid a utility or mortgage bill. She had to divorce him and file bankruptcy to get him out because in our state if you live there, you can't just be thrown out.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 "Too picky" to me is only like when you really like a guy but he doesn't match up with some "on paper" idea you have, so you don't pursue it. Other than that, there is no "too picky." People should go after what they want. If you're not getting success, change something: either what you want, how you go after it, or something about yourself. This idea of "too picky" always baffles me. It's reasonable to be just as picky as you like --- just don't complain about the results. And to me there is no level of "not picky" where complaining becomes productive. Complaining is never productive. Be happy or change something; that's all there is (long-term I mean; not saying we never have sad days or times when we should complain, but it shouldn't be more than a blip on the radar).
RovingReporter Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Being 29 years old with 3 kids you must be prepared to settle for the best of the worst in your own age bracket or dating someone in their 40's.
TheLoneSock Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Here's some personal background: Single mom to three kids. They go to their dad's every other weekend so I have time to date. They are good kids, no serious problems. I have a good paying job with regular hours. I won't say I'm wealthy, because I am not, but I make more than "average" for the area I live in. I have a master's degree and tend to lean liberal and nerdy interests wise. My "list" is as follows: Must have decently paying job. But I keep meeting guys who are unemployed, in school or work part time at menial work, like janitors. Must be stable and responsible But I keep meeting guys who live in tiny one-room apartments or with their parents or a bunch of roommates. Must not be super obese (I just can't imagine trying to make love to someone with a huge gut) I don't care if a guy is short, because I'm only five-two, so it doesn't take much to be taller than me. I think I am pretty, I have an hour-glass figure and look nice in a pair of jeans. I am 29, responsible, funny, with a good job and responsibilites. I want to date someone on equal footing with me. What am I doing wrong that all I am meeting (mostly online) is these dubious loosers? It's because you have 3 kids, that's all there is to it. Guys like the ones you described aren't that hard to find, but they are either playing the field (not committing, yet), or they are looking to settle down (which means they want a woman with no kids). It really is as simple as that. I am not saying you are not going to find someone, but let's just say it is going to be supremely more difficult to find a good date now than it was when you were hot sh*t (younger, no kids). Ask yourself this, would you date a divorced man with 3 children? Most likely yes, but only if he were at the same level as you financially, career wise and education wise. How likely are you to find a man like that? Not likely. Just saying, the guys you are interested in have options, and they are far more likely to choose a woman a little younger and/or without children. This might sound grim and I don't want you to think there is no hope, I'm just shooting straight with you. I am one of those guys - and flat out I just don't date single moms. Regardless of how good she looks or how accomplished she is. Absolute best of luck to you, you sound like you deserve someone in the same boat as you.
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