dragonfly22 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 So two weeks ago I heard the "I don't love you anymore" bomb. At the time I asked if there was someone else and he told me absolutely not, it's just this isn't working anymore, I'm tired of this, this and that mistake you keep doing and I want to go out with other people now. After some time I did find out there was someone else and she had been around for at least a month. Reading other stories posted here and in the separation/divorce forum I've noticed most of the time when someone says "i just don't love you anymore", it means there is already someone else involved with your SO, be it in an emotional or physical affair. So would you agree the "i'm not in love" has become sort of the break up phrase for those who are leaving for someone else and already cheating? Have you heard of someone saying this who wasn't involved with someone else at the time of leaving?
ChaseYng2005 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Unless it's a relationship where the person is on drugs, abusive, a loser, has an STD, or turns out to be convicted psycho killer . . . all breakups usually in some way = someone has been cheating in some manner
poorguy Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Unless it's a relationship where the person is on drugs, abusive, a loser, has an STD, or turns out to be convicted psycho killer . . . all breakups usually in some way = someone has been cheating in some manner Agreed...thats how the end always ends
pandagirl Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 The majority of breakups I have been witness to have had nothing to do with cheating.
pinkie Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I have never left someone for someone else... to me that would be cowardly. If you're not happy anymore, you just aren't. Loving someone and being in love are two different things, but usually it just means the newness of the relationship/honeymoon is over... Some deal with that differently.
Graceful Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 So would you agree the "i'm not in love" has become sort of the break up phrase for those who are leaving for someone else and already cheating? Have you heard of someone saying this who wasn't involved with someone else at the time of leaving?No, I do not agree. You're making a generalization at best, and if anyone uses it as "code" , then that's really not very fair to people who break up who have not been cheating or found a replacement. I've broken up with people because I was not in love, or felt the same as the other person, and I have never cheated in my life. I was not using "code language" -- and I know plenty of other people who have broken up without lining up another person as well. I know you're really hurting and you have every right to be, but this won't help you. The fact your ex met someone a month before he broke up with you is more a symptom than a cause. It was symptomatic that there was something wrong for him, meeting someone and deciding he wanted to explore another relationship just crystallized his feelings, it did not cause the breakup. It was going to happen, it was only a matter of time. The breakup was not caused by him meeting someone else, it merely propelled him into going ahead with a decision that he had already made and kept to himself. Again, very sorry.
djhall Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I don't necessarily think it means they have found someone else, but something motivates people to take the step from thinking/feeling it to actually saying it. Developing feelings for another person could certainly provide motivation to take that step, but so could growing increasingly unhappy or seeing someone else leave a bad relationship and become happier or any number of other things.
pandagirl Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I know you're really hurting and you have every right to be, but this won't help you. The fact your ex met someone a month before he broke up with you is more a symptom than a cause. It was symptomatic that there was something wrong for him, meeting someone and deciding he wanted to explore another relationship just crystallized his feelings, it did not cause the breakup. It was going to happen, it was only a matter of time. The breakup was not caused by him meeting someone else, it merely propelled him into going ahead with a decision that he had already made and kept to himself. Again, very sorry. I agree with this. When a person starts to have interest in other people, it is symptom of something else wrong within the relationship.
Author dragonfly22 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Thanks for your input. Yes, I am extremely hurt. Yes, I wish he had been honest. So maybe he was not in love, then why wait until someone else came along to let me know??? This is a horrible feeling, knowing he broke up with me and probably even went to celebrate with her. When we broke up the reasons he gave me were regarding our relationship and he sweared there was no one else . Like some of you said before we had some issues in our relationship. We had a conversation last November when he told me he loved me so much but he was starting to get fed up about certain things. To be honest I was dealing with an awful job situation and was focused on that and didn't really pay attention to my relationship. Just as I quit my horrible job he told me he was leaving. I thought we could work it out but his heart is already somewhere else and he doesn't want to try anymore. Reading many of the stories at the separation forum, the "i'm not in love" reason is given by many when leaving a marriage for someone else, but I guess I know you are right and there were other issues there. Now I wish I had payed more attention back in November. I had the chance to save my relationship and did nothing about it. However I can't get past the fact that he lied to me by hiding his affair.
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