Relationship, to have or not to have

[kalena9488]

I had my BF move out of my house 4 months ago. And since then we have continued a back and forth thing. I keep telling him I don't want to see him anymore and he keeps telling me how much he loves me and before you know it I give in.

 

Background: I met him over 2 years ago. I was living by myself and he was getting a divorce. He told me he had been married 5 times and has 4 kids. It didn't bother me too much I'm just thinking maybe he hasn't found the right person. Well a few months into it, he moves in with me. 5 months into the relationship I find out he smokes pot and who knows what else. I give him several chances on stopping the pot since he keeps telling me he will or it's not his but a friends. Then there is money. When we met he was supposedly a partner in this business that was opening and within 5 months that business was closing and the other guy was opening another business that he was again supposedly a partner. From July till October when the first business failed he was giving me about 300 a week for rent etc. From Oct through Jan I was lucky if I got any money because this other partner was supposedly not paying him or giving him like 150 a month for a 40 hour work week. I don't know and as I sit here and type this it really makes me wonder why anyone for any reason would even go to a job and put in the hours to only brink home 150 a week. I'm thinking either the guy was paying him and he was lying or maybe he owed the guy money or something. Anyway in February two of his kids that lived out of state were taken away from their mother and now he has full custody or them. I'm happy for them because it was worse for them with their mother. But, and I know this may sound ugly. But, I have three kids of my own a 24 y/o son a 21 y/o daughter and a 15 y/o son and I just don't want to raise or deal with any more kids. He doesn't get it and just keeps begging that he just wants me in his life. I've told him I will never marry him and that he will never live with me again but he still insist he wants me in his life. His kids which are 15 y/o girl, 11 y/o boy and an 8 y/o girl now do not want me in their life.

 

 

 

I just don't know what to do. One minute I think I want to be with him and the next I don't. Sometimes I feel like it's just because I'm afraid to be alone again. Which I don't understand because I was alone and doing things on my own when I met him and I was fine.

 

Oh, and by the way he still hasn't even filed for a divorce...though he had told me when we met he was getting one.

 

 

I'm just looking for someone to take a read on how I feel because I just don't feel like I know anymore.

Edited May 1, 2011 by kalena9488

[VicJay79]

Kalena,

 

There are a couple issues that concern me. The first of which is his drug use. Its somewhat understandable when your a young high school or college student, but eventually you grow out of this type of behavior. You also have to consider his influence on your kids. The second point of concern is the fact he hasn't filed for a divorce, and has mislead you in that regard. Furthermore, his job seems to be nonexistant. A relationship without trust has no foundation.

 

I think it might be best to part ways and find someone that can hold their own, and be a better example to your kids, and to yourself. You deserve better, and you shouldn't settle.

 

I had my BF move out of my house 4 months ago. And since then we have continued a back and forth thing. I keep telling him I don't want to see him anymore and he keeps telling me how much he loves me and before you know it I give in.

 

Background: I met him over 2 years ago. I was living by myself and he was getting a divorce. He told me he had been married 5 times and has 4 kids. It didn't bother me too much I'm just thinking maybe he hasn't found the right person. Well a few months into it, he moves in with me. 5 months into the relationship I find out he smokes pot and who knows what else. I give him several chances on stopping the pot since he keeps telling me he will or it's not his but a friends. Then there is money. When we met he was supposedly a partner in this business that was opening and within 5 months that business was closing and the other guy was opening another business that he was again supposedly a partner. From July till October when the first business failed he was giving me about 300 a week for rent etc. From Oct through Jan I was lucky if I got any money because this other partner was supposedly not paying him or giving him like 150 a month for a 40 hour work week. I don't know and as I sit here and type this it really makes me wonder why anyone for any reason would even go to a job and put in the hours to only brink home 150 a week. I'm thinking either the guy was paying him and he was lying or maybe he owed the guy money or something. Anyway in February two of his kids that lived out of state were taken away from their mother and now he has full custody or them. I'm happy for them because it was worse for them with their mother. But, and I know this may sound ugly. But, I have three kids of my own a 24 y/o son a 21 y/o daughter and a 15 y/o son and I just don't want to raise or deal with any more kids. He doesn't get it and just keeps begging that he just wants me in his life. I've told him I will never marry him and that he will never live with me again but he still insist he wants me in his life. His kids which are 15 y/o girl, 11 y/o boy and an 8 y/o girl now do not want me in their life.

 

 

 

I just don't know what to do. One minute I think I want to be with him and the next I don't. Sometimes I feel like it's just because I'm afraid to be alone again. Which I don't understand because I was alone and doing things on my own when I met him and I was fine.

 

Oh, and by the way he still hasn't even filed for a divorce...though he had told me when we met he was getting one.

 

 

I'm just looking for someone to take a read on how I feel because I just don't feel like I know anymore.

[pinkie]

He's probably a great guy, but in a tight spot right now... that's what you "feel". Fact of the matter is, he needs to get his life together on his own. I don't know what man would even feel right putting all this on a fairly new relationship, unless he was just a loser and couldn't see it. But he needs to respect your wishes and lifestyle. Your kids are practically grown and all but gone! Do not let this man take advantage of you. Married 5 times? Sounds a bit unstable to me and like he "needs" a woman in his life... Is that woman gonna be you? If you aren't ready for all the responsiblity that comes with being with him, you need to let him know and let him GO. Like you said, you were fine before him and you will be after.... Just my 2 cents.

Edited May 1, 2011 by pinkie
editing