Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hi everyone, So as some of you might have read, my ex was stressed at work and wanted to take time away from the relationship to finish up her merger...She told me she would contact me as soon as it was over with her answer. Her flatmate (my best friend) has been giving me insight into her mind..Has told me she said she missed me, could see us getting back together after the merger, that she should learn to use my as support, and even going as far as to tell people she is still in a relationship with me.. Her merger ended Friday, I didn't get a call. I waited until yesterday (saturday) to call her, she didn't pick but I left a pleasant upbeat message congratulating her on the merger..I kept it short, happy and not about the relationship. She had a busy day yesterday so I assumed she hadn't contacted me because she just didn't have the time it would take to contact me. That one phone call I made broke over 3 weeks of NC..as she wanted. So I was expecting her to call me today, she told me she would not leave me hanging when we decided to go on a hiatus. She said she would never do that to me, leave me in limbo. Still no call...So, I went onto google messenger to see if she was on, which I do from time to time..I know how to check if the person has blocked you and yesterday she hadn't but today....I am blocked...I guess that is the end of that. I really didn't think she could be so cruel to me, to push me out without a goodbye or a reason. I just don't understand it. It wasn't as if I was chasing her nonstop...I gave her one phone call after almost a month of NC...I am really hurting, I had written out everything I was going to say to her and every insight I had made during our break. I feel crushed and at a loss. I don't know how some people can live with themselves. Anyway, just wanted to vent and update some of you on how my situation has ended...
Desensitized Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hi everyone, So as some of you might have read, my ex was stressed at work and wanted to take time away from the relationship to finish up her merger...She told me she would contact me as soon as it was over with her answer. Her flatmate (my best friend) has been giving me insight into her mind..Has told me she said she missed me, could see us getting back together after the merger, that she should learn to use my as support, and even going as far as to tell people she is still in a relationship with me.. Her merger ended Friday, I didn't get a call. I waited until yesterday (saturday) to call her, she didn't pick but I left a pleasant upbeat message congratulating her on the merger..I kept it short, happy and not about the relationship. She had a busy day yesterday so I assumed she hadn't contacted me because she just didn't have the time it would take to contact me. That one phone call I made broke over 3 weeks of NC..as she wanted. So I was expecting her to call me today, she told me she would not leave me hanging when we decided to go on a hiatus. She said she would never do that to me, leave me in limbo. Still no call...So, I went onto google messenger to see if she was on, which I do from time to time..I know how to check if the person has blocked you and yesterday she hadn't but today....I am blocked...I guess that is the end of that. I really didn't think she could be so cruel to me, to push me out without a goodbye or a reason. I just don't understand it. It wasn't as if I was chasing her nonstop...I gave her one phone call after almost a month of NC...I am really hurting, I had written out everything I was going to say to her and every insight I had made during our break. I feel crushed and at a loss. I don't know how some people can live with themselves. Anyway, just wanted to vent and update some of you on how my situation has ended... She doesn't deserve you. I know this is something you probably don't want to hear, but move on. It's hard, I know, but the way she's treating you isn't right. Anyways, start NC and just focus on yourself.
blueskyday Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Sorry, that stinks. Do you think that she might contact you next week, though? After the merger doesn't necessarily mean the day after, (although I'm sure to you it does because you've been waiting so long.) I've had this happen to me, too. A guy said he needed time to figure things out. After a few weeks, I contacted him. He responded in a cool way that made it clear we were done....what a cowardly way to end things, but many people do that. If she is choosing to end things by simply fading out, then she is being a coward, but you can't make her do the right thing. You called her. The ball is in her court. See if she hits it back within a week. If not, then leave the court, the game... I know it's hard to be in limbo. I think she should at least respond to you that she needs more time, or it's over, or whatever. She's not being very sensitive to your feelings...and that should make YOU doubt HER ability to be a good partner....I'd say start to move on mentally...
Ajax Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I agree, it's cold man. But what I've learned from seven months on LS is that there's no shortage of cold people. The way she treated you was both disrespectful and dishonorable. Hopefully you can create some closure for yourself, since you can't expect to get any from her. Reestablish and maintain NC. It'll take time, but you gotta start somewhere.
Author Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 It is just so hard to understand. Hearing people tell me that she misses me, that she can see us together again...and she really isn't that type of person to do this sort of thing which is why I am so let down. She had an ex leave her for his ex and she took it in stride and they continue to be friends. I have been so understanding to her needs, have bent over backwards and have waited patiently for her as she needed time to finish her work. I just don't see how someone could do this to someone else, it really breaks my heart.
JasonRules Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hi everyone, So as some of you might have read, my ex was stressed at work and wanted to take time away from the relationship to finish up her merger... If you actually ever believed this you must be the most naive person in the World.
Author Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 If you actually ever believed this you must be the most naive person in the World. She admitted to her therapist that she took out her aggressions and stress from work onto me..unloaded that information to her flatmate who told me. Usually these things are just easy copouts, but all the signs pointed to reconciliation between us from what she was telling everyone..which is why I don't understand what has happened.
JasonRules Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) She admitted to her therapist that she took out her aggressions and stress from work onto me..unloaded that information to her flatmate who told me. Usually these things are just easy copouts, but all the signs pointed to reconciliation between us from what she was telling everyone..which is why I don't understand what has happened. First rule of being a man when it comes to relationships is never listen to what a woman says, but always pay attention to her ACTIONS. Up until the last day my ex told me "I still have very strong feelings for you". Guess what? It's been almost 2 months and I haven't heard from her at all. If this is how someone acts when they have strong feelings, I can't imagine how they'll behave when they have lukewarm feelings. Doesn't matter though. I'll be hearing a lot from the beautiful woman I'm going out on a date with in a couple hours. Edited May 1, 2011 by JasonRules
happiness0421 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Confusedlove - Unfortunately, she has made it clear that it is over for her, at least for right now. The fact that she would not return your call and blocked you shows just that. It really blows, but it's the cold hard truth. Now what you have to ask yourself is: "Am I really EVER going to want to take someone back who would treat me this poorly? Don't I at least deserve someone who would treat me just as well as I treated her?" Because you do. NEVER settle for someone who drops you like a hot potato. They're not worth it. You are worth WAY more than that. There is a good chance that she will come to 'regret' her actions and will reach out to you at some point in the coming months. But what you have to do in that situation is remember how you felt at this exact moment; remember how hurt and crappy and rejected you feel. Why give her the satisfaction of reaching back out to her? Chances are she's just giving you scraps anyway. It is so hard to not respond, but you HAVE to do it for you. My relationship with my ex was wonderful, up until one disagreement we had (that could've easily been worked out). Instead, he broke up with me over a text message and un-friended me the next day on Facebook. 3 days later, he comes crawling back around, telling me how much he misses me and made the biggest mistake of his life. Yes, you did, and heck if I will take you back after the pain you caused me! Anybody worthy of your trustv & love would never betray you in the first place. Please remember that. Stay strong, it is possible!
Author Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Thank you for the kind words. I don't think she will be coming around again. Preemptively severing a point of communication says a lot after 3 weeks of NC. It doesn't make much sense to me, not blocking me until the very last day, the day we were supposed to talk about the relationship one way or the other. The only thing that was keeping me going through these last 3 weeks was the thought of just having that last conversation with her. I had so many things I wanted to say but will not likely have that chance. I do not know how she is going to face her flatmates, all of whom are great mutual friends. They have been supportive of the relationship from the start and have been supportive of both of us. I don't see how she can look any of them in eye knowing how terribly she betrayed me.
reallyconfused2542 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 sorry to hear that happened. thats a really messed up way to do things. very cold. youll find someone way better
Author Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 It is a very heartless way to end things. I broke down in the CVS about 10 minutes ago.. Pretty pathetic lol
reallyconfused2542 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 dont worry, ive been the same way for the last 3 days
Graceful Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Confusedlove, I am so upset seeing what she did, and I am so sorry, I mean this as sincerely as you can imagine, I am just so, so sorry that she treated you like this, in such a cruel and cold manner. You have described her to a tee, and she did follow through according to your description, and if there is any cold comfort in this for you, that is it. See her for who she is, she has shown you time and again, you were aware of it, you just never wanted to believe she would turn on you in the final analysis. This is how she handles her life, her difficulties, her conflicts, her decisions -- she runs. She avoids. She's not the right girl for you and while I am sure you are hurt, maybe her doing this is the best thing that could have happened. It's funny that you thought about that pre-emptive breakup -- it's almost as though you knew. You've been very perceptive all along, I have to say, spot on. You knew her very well, and that probably was part of her discomfort with you. Makes it hard for her to hide herself. So in the end, she chose to run away. I wouldn't believe some of this behavior if I didn't see it with my own eyes on this board, let me tell you, it never ceases to shock and amaze me how cold people can be. One way or another, I at least expected her to speak with you, even if the news was bad. But this? Just deplorable and shocking. All I can say right now is how sad I am knowing you were treated in such a shabby way, stay on the LS board, keep your chin up, and go into NC. Hang in there, and know we're here for you. Grace Preemptively severing a point of communication says a lot after 3 weeks of NC. It doesn't make much sense to me, not blocking me until the very last day, the day we were supposed to talk about the relationship one way or the other. The only thing that was keeping me going through these last 3 weeks was the thought of just having that last conversation with her. I had so many things I wanted to say but will not likely have that chance. I do not know how she is going to face her flatmates, all of whom are great mutual friends. They have been supportive of the relationship from the start and have been supportive of both of us. I don't see how she can look any of them in eye knowing how terribly she betrayed me.
Author Confusedlove1 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Grace: Thank you so much for the kind words and your sincerity, it is an example of why forums like this are so great. I really had my hopes up and was counting down the days until our planned conversation. I suppose I should have known better and not given in to what my heart wanted to hear. It will be a long road to recovery but I will take it one day at a time with plenty of tissues. She meant the world to me.
inthedeep Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Confused, I read where you broke down in the CVS parking lot yesterday and had to respond. It made me remember how about 4 years back, my bf had just broken up with me at the time and I was in a CVS parking lot with friends and had a breakdown as well. I'm on the thread now for a different, and way more important, breakup but it was insightful to see how I thought the world was over about a completely different person so long ago and am now feeling the same about someone else. Which just proves that time heals all, and better and much more fun relationships come about when things end. So glad I remembered this!
inthedeep Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 deja vu! Confused, I read where you broke down in the CVS parking lot yesterday and had to respond. It made me remember how about 4 years back, my bf had just broken up with me at the time and I was in a CVS parking lot with friends and had a breakdown as well. I'm on the thread now for a different, and way more important, breakup but it was insightful to see how I thought the world was over about a completely different person so long ago and am now feeling the same about someone else. Which just proves that time heals all, and better and much more fun relationships come about when things end. So glad I remembered this!
Chi townD Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 People were telling you that she missed you and see's you two back together? Which people? You mean people that you BOTH knew? SHe wasn't gonna tell people that knew you that, " I'm so glad to be rid of him." Because she knew that information would get back to you. Rule number one- when someone says "I think we need and break." actually mean, "breaking up". They just don't have the courage to pull the trigger. Sorry dude.
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