Is it Unfair for me to Contact my PREVIOUS Ex After Recent Breakup?

[whatdoido1717]

Hey all. A lot of you know my story as it has almost 3,000 views, but if you wan't it, here ya go: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t272408/

 

I have been going through, well Hell, like most of you, but am getting better each day. I hit rock bottom in my own life and am pulling myself out of it slowly (the short version is it revolves around myself getting into drugs with my BPD ex).

 

I met my most recent Ex immediately after I broke up with my former Ex, whom I had been with for 2 years. I have been thinking about her more lately, not in terms of having a relationship with her but just thinking about what a quality person she was in comparison to the person I just followed down the rabbit hole. I sent my previous Ex a Facebook message a few weeks ago apologizing for how things ended between us and that she is a great person and deserved better.

 

Is it unfair of me to contact my previous Ex again at this point? Is that just selfish on my part and unfair to her? I guess I just want to surround myself with positive people. She has maintained NC for the entire time, as have I up until that message and I have no idea where I stand in her life. Again, I am not seeking anything romantic with her, but I regret burning the bridge with a quality person? Do I just have to accept that? Or do I just need to continue focusing on nothing but myself at this point?

 

Her and I had a great relationship and all of our friends thought we "were the perfect couple." She is still friends with many of my close friends as well, as they all really enjoyed her company.

 

We broke up because, basically, we both were hitting rough spots in our lives (mostly surrounding work and living situations) and we fought all the time and I slowly fell out of love. I think many of the things we fought about though, were her trying to change me for the better, which I didn't want to hear at the time.

 

Anyway, that is enough back story, pretty simple question I guess. Is it unfair to her and selfish of me to contact her or is it ok in your book?

Edited May 1, 2011 by whatdoido1717

[PinkChic]

When I first read your story I wanted to ask you the question "Do you ever think of your previous ex?"... the one you brought up in the begining of your story....

 

Did she respond to your facebook message?

 

I know how your feeling... when I went through my break up I immediately thought of my previous ex (whom I was with for 5 year, had a terrible break up with and hadn't spoke to in 2 years at the time)... I thought of all the crappy things I said to him and how much I hurt him throughout the process. At the very least I wanted to apologize for things that happened...

 

I of course never reached out to him and I'm glad I didn't... I think at the time your vulnerable when your going through a break up...

 

Keep us posted!

[dragonfly22]

You know what? I think it depends. I don't think you should try to be friends with her again AT ALL. You are part of her past and she has moved on. However I think an apology or just an e-mail to let her know that over time you realized what a positive influence she was in your life would be ok.

 

Maybe I'm saying this because I was just left by a man who I spent the 5 last years of my life with. We also had many arguments over me wanting better things for him. In one of our breakup talks he told me he thought I was very dominant. I think he sensed my wanting him to improve and develop all of his potential as "she wants to run my life". The breakup was awful, he treated me poorly and it hurts me deeply as I did nothing but love him, admire him (because I think he is a brilliant man) and want the best for him because I feel he is wasting his potential. He said he needed someone who was not like me and when I found out he had someone else lined up already he told me she was the exact opposite from me and someone who didn't expect so much from him.

 

So, I'm moving on but I would like to someday receive an e-mail from him telling me he understands what a positive influence I was in his life. How I wanted nothing but the best for him and how he couldn't appreciate it at the time. I don't think it will ever happen but it would at least make me feel better about all of what I invested in the relationship instead of the felling of wasted time I have now.