Anna86 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hi, so last night I went out.....bumped into my ex, saw him with some girl, I played really cool....i kind of ignored him and I spoke to his new fling (not gf, just a fling)....was really civil and cool, just happy, and i met some nice guy.....I was chatting to him all night and my ex came over to say bye..... Then, tonight he emailed me this ''I'm sorry. You deserve so much more. But at least now you know for sure that I was never really good enough for you and didn't deserve you'' In my opinion, he is doing this because he say I am so over him and his ego has deflated...just my opinion. I can't see why he would email this after months of breaking up....he never once apologised!
poorguy Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I got almost the same exact apology from my ex gf and I thought it actually meant something. Turns out it didnt mean sh#t!!!! It had everything to do with making herself feel better and that was it. Its just their selfish side coming out yet again.
Author Anna86 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 I have no desire to get back with him, my feelings for him are lost. I have met other people who make me happy. I just don't get it... Its like they know when we are moving on and want us to be still begging for them, an ego thing. So should I ignore email? I don't think he deserves a reply?? I mean, why now?? He is happy with his new girl...
poorguy Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I really dont know why he would bother. I tried to figure that out for a long time. If your over him I guess you could respond. As far as him actually deserving a response? Thats up to you. Just be selfish and decide what would give you more satisfaction....Whatever you decide will, is what you should do
TaraMaiden Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 .....I just don't get it... Its like they know when we are moving on and want us to be still begging for them, an ego thing. ..... I don't think he deserves a reply?? I mean, why now?? He is happy with his new girl... Really, you think? Ok, let's look at this again, shall we....? .....bumped into my ex, saw him with some girl, I played really cool....i kind of ignored him and I spoke to his new fling (not gf, just a fling)....was really civil and cool, just happy, and i met some nice guy.....I was chatting to him all night ..... Then, tonight he emailed me this ''I'm sorry. You deserve so much more. But at least now you know for sure that I was never really good enough for you and didn't deserve you'' I think there are so many glaring clues in your original Post, that honestly, your questions are superfluous. he needs to know he's still important enough to you, to unsettle you. The answer is no, do NOT reply. Don't give him the satisfaction of acknowledgement. What an insult to the young lady he's with, too.... ...."I was never really good enough for you and didn't deserve you"... So it follows that - "I'm good enough for her, because she deserves second-rate, sub-standard goods, and she deserves me, and my over-inflated ego". Nice. Ignore....
poorguy Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Really, you think? Ok, let's look at this again, shall we....? I think there are so many glaring clues in your original Post, that honestly, your questions are superfluous. he needs to know he's still important enough to you, to unsettle you. The answer is no, do NOT reply. Don't give him the satisfaction of acknowledgement. What an insult to the young lady he's with, too.... ...."I was never really good enough for you and didn't deserve you"... So it follows that - "I'm good enough for her, because she deserves second-rate, sub-standard goods, and she deserves me, and my over-inflated ego". Nice. Ignore.... Kinda hard to argue with this point!!!! Could'nt agree more
0hpenelope Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Then, tonight he emailed me this ''I'm sorry. You deserve so much more. But at least now you know for sure that I was never really good enough for you and didn't deserve you'' In my opinion, he is doing this because he say I am so over him and his ego has deflated...just my opinion. I can't see why he would email this after months of breaking up....he never once apologised! Your opinion is right. He wants to be acknowledged, really. People like your ex do not deserve the privileges of your presence. You became okay without them, you worked on yourself... He didn't want to be there for the hard parts and now that he sees you're happy and you're more your old self, he wants a piece of that sunshine? Puh-leez. I feel bad for the girl he's with. Geez, the nerve of this guy...
Author Anna86 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 "I'm good enough for her, because she deserves second-rate, sub-standard goods, and she deserves me, and my over-inflated ego". Wow, that is good!! Thank you for your responses guys!! You are all very accurate! The worst part is that I asked him a few days ago if he is with anyone and he said 'he has no time for that nonsense'. I mean, maybe he feels bad lying to me all along? He said he has no time for a gf and clear he does now. The worst part is that after we broke up he still continued to want to sleep with me offering NO commitment as he has ''no time''. What a jerk. I was naive and in love so I went along with it for a few weeks and then realized what it was.
WiselyNaive Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 id say he was jealous...he saw u with the guy became really jealous... he wanted to see if it was serious so he sent u a kinda breadcrumb to see ur response.. dont respond..lol..
Author Anna86 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Jealous? Maybe. The guy I was with was pretty handsome. I think it is more that his ego got a bash. I was talking to a hotter guy, cool with exes new fling. He had me EATING out of his hand and jumping at every breadcrumb a few weeks ago so I guess he was expecting me to go mad with jealousy and then go home and cry and send him really long emails about how I'm not over him. hahahahah I fell sorry for this new girl. She seemed really nice (too nice for him) and I would hate to be in her position. She's just his new toy. I feel like I am really moving on. I don't even need to try stick to NC, it will be easy as I don't want to associate with him anymore. The thing that you think will hurt you the most can be they key to making you stronger. Everything unfolds at the end. Liars are always exposed. Have hope people.
WiselyNaive Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 well i mean i truly believe it was an operation out of jealousy..n jealousy is attached to ego also..so yes... all of what u mentioned..befriend his fling that could hurt his ego... from him it may have been a move to blow ur cover... u say u think ur moving on but ur dwelling...ur putting on an act which is good for ur dignity...but its false..it seems as though u arent moving on at all still obsessing its all normal...but u dont think that maybe he sees through it a bit..n sent the email to prove to himself n maybe even other that NO u havent moved on...that its all on act... dont respond...the longer u ignore...the sicker he will begin to feel if his one mind leads him to believe that maybe u werent acting... just a thought... think of the tricks ur own mind plays on you...
Author Anna86 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 Well I reasoned that if I don't reply I look bitter and jealous and to upset to respond....maybe not though? I sent a few lines saying 'I don't care who you are with anymore, I just expected you to be honest. I gave you too much credit. Best of luck''......... Honestly, I am sure the best thing in regards to making him sweat would be to ignore it but I want to put this mess behind me and move on. No, I am not fully over him of course, but I am a million times better than I was a few weeks though. I think I miss a relationship and security and how he used to make me feel more than anything. I do obsess over what went wrong. I don't want to make the same mistakes again you see. I am a deep thinker and like to get to the bottom of why things happen. I don't want to convince him into thinking I am fully 100percent over him. Its not possible that I could be just yet. But I am sure it is pretty obvious I am getting there and one day soon I will be.
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Bad idea. That now gives him ammunition to know you cared enough to respond. You know how a bad kid is bad, because any attention is better than no attention at all? There you go. No Contact is a good idea for all kinds of reasons, and this is one of the main ones. Remember the old adages: "The opposite of Love, isn't Hate. The opposite of Love is Indifference" And "He who cares the least, controls the most." What you've very effectively done - is hand a little control back to him. Being a jerk wasn't working. So he brings up the little fragile boy, "Lost my love", 'pity me' line. Worked a treat, obviously.... Jeesh...why don't people listen!?
PelicanPete Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Jeesh...why don't people listen!? Sometimes people aren't satisfied with hearing something is a bad idea, and have to experience it to understand. Your advice and intentions are always great but it's important to not take it personally. Although OP replied to her ex she did what she thought was the best thing. If it turns out it wasn't, then she'll learn and this lesson will stick. I understand your frustration. my ex never took any of my advice (even though it was great) which resulted in countless problems. Problems created not only from the result of doing what she felt was "right", but also my hurt ego getting in the way.
TaraMaiden Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Sometimes people aren't satisfied with hearing something is a bad idea, and have to experience it to understand. Your advice and intentions are always great but it's important to not take it personally. Oh no, no, no, no, no...you misunderstand my frustration. my feelings are entirely for the OP and how much she has set herself back. If I took everything of this kind (people ignoring advice) personally, I'd be a gibbering wreck by now... (well, ok....MORE of a gibbering wreck! ) Although OP replied to her ex she did what she thought was the best thing. If it turns out it wasn't, then she'll learn and this lesson will stick. The fact is, she was advised to Not Contact. And thousands - quite literally thousands - of threads on this forum can all be bunched under the "Oh no! I could kick myself! I broke NC!" banner. So it's not as if there is nobody else to have made the mistake, and to learn from..... But maybe personal experience really IS the only way to learn....But it's also the most painful. And our advice is supposed to prevent that pain. That's why people come here for advice. to alleviate the pain. I understand your frustration. my ex never took any of my advice (even though it was great) which resulted in countless problems. Problems created not only from the result of doing what she felt was "right", but also my hurt ego getting in the way. Truly PP, my ego's not flinching.... but I do take your point and thank you for the concern. Well, we're here to help you cope with the setback, Anna86, and make no mistake - there will be one.... Hugs.....
Exit Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) Meh... I kinda see where she's coming from with at least sending him some kind of response, ignoring someone doesn't always appear as "indifference", it can make it look like you're still hurting to much to even speak to them. Indifference doesn't have to be ignoring a person, indifference can be having the ability to respond to someone and not feel like your heart just got ripped out. She says she isn't completely over it yet but if she's okay to answer one of his texts and not make a big deal out of it, good. NC is for wounded people who still have feelings for someone and can't handle any type of contact. Once you can speak to someone and not end up crying and hurting I'd say you're more healed than NC will ever get you. Ignoring people seems pretty immature to me, unless you absolutely need to do it for your own well being, if someone sends you a text and you can fire off a response and go on with your life, fine. Someone could hurt me pretty badly and if they sent me a text or something I would still answer. In our world so full of communications technology, if someone says something and you don't answer, you just appear bitter and rude, not exactly indifferent. I'm just playing devil's advocate here, I don't think it's the end of the world that she responded. If anything, the actual content of the text could be an issue. I would have rather appeared truly indifferent and just said "dude don't be all dramatic and sappy, it looks like we both had a good night with our dates the other night, good for us". So Anna, don't make me look like an idiot here. I defended your decision to just send him a simple reply, but don't let it set you back, don't let him start reeling you back in slowly. Let him say stuff like he's not good enough for you, whatever. Edited May 2, 2011 by Exit
Fufu Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Personally, I will just ignore him. I think you are just being overly too nice to him already by even replying to his text. Anyway, since you had sent him the sms it's fine. It's your choice. To me, saying sorry it is just a way of making them feel better for breaking up with you and hurting you. If our exes are truly sorry to us, their sincere actions to work things out with us will be SO MUCH BETTER than just a word, "I'm sorry."
Author Anna86 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 (edited) So guys, thanks for all your wonderful advice...I do agree on this, we all need to LEARN from our own mistakes. I hope to not make the same mistake twice! I wrote back as I know he would interpret it as I am so upset and can't bring myself to talk to him (I was there 3 weeks ago...) I said ''I know I deserve better-- You have the attitude of an 18 year old boy unable to man up. Its not attractive to me and not someone I want to be around again. You can be with whoever you want, I couldn't care less anymore. I just gave you too much credit expecting you to be honest! Best of luck with things ^^''' Anyway....So his response pretty much took me by surprise!! This is what he said after I wb 3 sentences of how I don't care anymore and basically enjoy life. I never questioned her or them, just said I don't care. '''''''To be honest i really dont want to see anyone at the moment. I was asked out a couple of weeks ago and decided to go because she seemed like very nice girl. Shes just a seriously kind person just like you and i really dont want a girlfriend. I dont have the time. Im just really enjoying being friends with her because you cant find people like that easily.. To be honest the first thing i thought when i met was how much you would like her and i wished you two had met last year and been friends cos you would have been the perfect friends together. Im serious! She woulx have loved you. l! She also deserves someone Better than me. I want to put her in a package and send her to you because it feels like you two were made to be friends. I was really just enjoying friendship. Im not interested in anything serious. Not that you really care, but i just wanted to say''''''' Honestly, who would write such an email to an ex?? Even after been broken up for a year and all feelings are well gone I think its a bit much!! Why would he want to tell me how great she is...Jerk! So he thinks Im pretty much moved on so this is why he is able to say these things. I have NOT responded and I 100percent WON'T. Wow, next he will tell me their wedding plans!! Edited May 2, 2011 by Anna86
poorguy Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 That is possibly to stupidest email I've ever read. Why would he even want to share that sort of information with you? He's a tool
Author Anna86 Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 I know, I am trying to understand WHY on earth any sane person would send this to an ex....Is he that deluded and infatuated with her that he will even tell me. I feel bad for her, he is saying he doesn't want anything serious, I wonder if she feels the same way. He has pretty much denied any girl I have heard he is with, I guess he really couldn't avoid it now as I have seen them together. I'm still confused though. I think he is a jerk but trying to come across as the 'nice guy' and to convince me and himself that he isn't just after....well, sex. She is actually a nice person! Ugh. Men!!
JasonRules Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Anna, Your ex is probably one of the biggest TOOLS I've ever experienced. If this is the "man" you want to be with, I honestly feel sorry for you.
Author Anna86 Posted May 3, 2011 Author Posted May 3, 2011 He isn't the man I want to be with. He WAS the man I wanted to be with fpr two years. I adored this man, my family and friends loved him and he was a fantastic boyfriend. So, this is why I am in shock it turns out like this. I keep going over and over how I could be so wrong. He is one of the biggest liars I have ever met. I never knew while dating him. I like to think I am a good judge of character. I am really picky about who I date. I don't fall for people easily, but I did with him.
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