jane100 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) I had been seeing this guy for a few months, nothing overly intense, but I was sleeping with him/had feelings for him (though these things can be deceptive) One evening I asked him if he was still on the dating website we met on. He said he did reply to messages. So the next day, on impulse, I looked online and saw he had been active on the dating site we met on "within 12 hours". I felt just a tiny bit devastated, that kind of kicked in the stomach feeling. I myself took my profile down about 6 weeks prior. I then also noticed he was online at least once a day for the rest of that week. When I asked him about it he just said when people "message" him he reads his messages. But I found it hard to believe that women send him messages when he doesn't have a picture up (he probably sends them to the women he is interested in, as he did with me). And he must be writing back to them/her, surely? I wondered sarcastically (to myself of course) what they might be discussing - current political struggles in the Middle East perhaps? I still said I found it hurtful and he still insisted it was nothing and implied I was being stupid about it. I am not going to say anymore about it could have all meant. But I am curious, what would you think? Be honest... Edited May 1, 2011 by jane100
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Means he's not serious about the relationship. If you want something casual that is fine but if you want something exclusive it is not ok to be messaging other girls. And you're 100% right, girls are not going to initiate contact with him out of the blue on a dating website, it's most likely him doing the approaching.
Art_Critic Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I'd dump him faster than you can say arshole. He obviously is still looking and all the while having sex with you he is still trying to find someone else.. You are having the exclusive feelings and he is having the I can find better feelings... The guy obviously is just dense.. you have had a talk with him about it yet right after spending the night with you he gets on looking for dates... and just so you know.. Guys DO NOT get messaged that much if at all in online dating.. he is doing the initiating and messaging other women.
Professor X Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I'd dump him faster than you can say arshole. He obviously is still looking and all the while having sex with you he is still trying to find someone else.. You are having the exclusive feelings and he is having the I can find better feelings... The guy obviously is just dense.. you have had a talk with him about it yet right after spending the night with you he gets on looking for dates... and just so you know.. Guys DO NOT get messaged that much if at all in online dating.. he is doing the initiating and messaging other women. I agree as well.
Author jane100 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Great stuff. I did say adios. Thanks for all your comments.
Art_Critic Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Great stuff. I did say adios. Thanks for all your comments. Glad we were able to help Jane... .. and good for you... Next.....
CambridgeGirl Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Wise choice, never ever means good things for you. If they log in occasionally for a moment it could be out of curiosity, or even to see if you have been online! But if its several times a day every day, bin him off, total player.
daphne Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Glad you looked after your best interests there. Even though I multi date, there's a time that you need to stop looking around and focus on one person and see if it has a chance to go somewhere. To me, that comes before sex. Otherwise, you're clearly not looking for anything serious.
D-Lish Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 This is a question you should asking yourself. How does it make you feel, what do you make of it, why haven't you dumped him yet?
Sunstar Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 How did he react to it when you said you were going to leave him over it?
thebody Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 and just so you know.. Guys DO NOT get messaged that much if at all in online dating.. he is doing the initiating and messaging other women. Speak for yourself bud. I never initiated anything on a dating site... Women always interacted with me first. Its sort of my... filter. If they don't have the ability to get past that traditional "boy meets girl" thing... then we probably won't make good company. This is a question you should asking yourself. How does it make you feel, what do you make of it, why haven't you dumped him yet? I think she said she did dump him. Good for her right? BUT let me offer this as an argument to this particular thread. I'm not saying the guy is a saint, or he should have been given another chance, no... but what I'm saying is that men who casually date get in that mode where they want to keep doing it. They don't want their other girls interfering with their other prospects and such. Now... did this guy say he wanted to be serious? I have often said this to a girl to make her think I was, or I would find a way to dodge the "committal" issue. Honestly... if the guy was a serial dater I couldn't hold him at fault if he never admitted he wanted to be serious.
Art_Critic Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Speak for yourself bud. I married a woman I met on match.. so I think I can speak with some knowledge of online dating and if you read the threads about online dating here on LS you will see that you are not the norm.. you are the exception.. bud...
daphne Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I married a woman I met on match.. so I think I can speak with some knowledge of online dating and if you read the threads about online dating here on LS you will see that you are not the norm.. you are the exception.. bud... From my guy friends who've done match and the guys' stories that I have met on match, they complain about the same thing.
thebody Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I married a woman I met on match.. so I think I can speak with some knowledge of online dating and if you read the threads about online dating here on LS you will see that you are not the norm.. you are the exception.. bud... i don't think i like your tone. You're saying that the norm is that women don't contact guys? Am I in bizarro world here?? I guess because you met somebody on match that it makes you an expert in the subject of statistical analysis on who contacts who on a majority basis? You are not google, sir. You are a guy on the internet whom I would like to punch in the face.
Graviton Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 i don't think i like your tone. You're saying that the norm is that women don't contact guys? Am I in bizarro world here?? I guess because you met somebody on match that it makes you an expert in the subject of statistical analysis on who contacts who on a majority basis? You are not google, sir. You are a guy on the internet whom I would like to punch in the face. Graviton punches thebody in the chest and rams him through 7 blocks of buildings.
Star Gazer Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 i don't think i like your tone. You're saying that the norm is that women don't contact guys? Am I in bizarro world here?? I guess because you met somebody on match that it makes you an expert in the subject of statistical analysis on who contacts who on a majority basis? You are not google, sir. You are a guy on the internet whom I would like to punch in the face. You may receive more emails initiated by women than 99.9% of men on online dating sites (thus truly making you the exception), but with your attitude I can understand your stated location over <--- there.
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