civibf Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 So my LDR was broken off by my girlfriend. Claiming there was too much pressure and stress and that she needs to focus on her career. She told me she felt like she could be making a big mistake by ending it. With LDRs, is there ever a chance of us getting back together? You know, giving it another shot? I've been in other relationships where we break up and then get back together, but we were living in the same city. Do I have even a splinter of hope here?
d0rk Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Yes it does. My SO and I ended up breaking up for a while, so much stuff going on in our own lives aswell as other factors the relationship just broke down. We talked again 3 months later, after no contact I just emailed him one day saying "I love you" ...turns out he though I hated him. Anyhow ...a year down the line and 5000 miles apart I'm UK, he's USA we're engaged and I'm seeing him again in 7 weeks :]
Author civibf Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 dOrk: I'm very happy for you. I want so badly for the same to happen to me. Did you go straight to NC after you broke up? I wrote this email that I want to send to her telling her how I feel, that I'm not upset with her and that I'd love a second chance at our relationship if she ever has a change of heart. Is it a bad idea to send it. Her best friend just tells me that she's afraid to commit with all the stuff going on in her life right now.
d0rk Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 basically, NC yes. I regretted not getting in touch sooner but the distance and separation ultimately made us stronger. Just do what you think is write..I would advise against hounding her with texts and phone calls but one simple email can do no harm. Even if she doesn't respond you will not be left thinking what if I had sent it.
loverboy1984 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) d0rk your situation sounds alot like mine. My and my gf live across the country from each other, both in grad school. The distance caused alot of arguements and stress and she broke it off. Ive been in NC for 2months now. Before the break up it was clear we both loved each other but somehow she started doubting it (its what I think based on her attitude) then she said we are growing apart and broke it off. I just hope she realizes that we are good for each other. Your story is inspirational and hopefull. I feel like shes over me and doing fine even though we had a 6yr relationship. I think distance should not be an excuse to break up. Look at all the people who have loved ones across the world fighting wars, and they are still in love and together. So many couples are separated by distance due to work and other obligations. In this day in age with technology distance should not be an excuse. By the way in your relationship who broke it off? was it mutual and how did you both feel during the time of NC? did you ever have hope of getting back together during that time? Edited May 1, 2011 by loverboy1984
d0rk Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 d0rk your situation sounds alot like mine. My and my gf live across the country from each other, both in grad school. The distance caused alot of arguements and stress and she broke it off. Ive been in NC for 2months now. Before the break up it was clear we both loved each other but somehow she started doubting it (its what I think based on her attitude) then she said we are growing apart and broke it off. I just hope she realizes that we are good for each other. Your story is inspirational and hopefull. I feel like shes over me and doing fine even though we had a 6yr relationship. I think distance should not be an excuse to break up. Look at all the people who have loved ones across the world fighting wars, and they are still in love and together. So many couples are separated by distance due to work and other obligations. In this day in age with technology distance should not be an excuse. By the way in your relationship who broke it off? was it mutual and how did you both feel during the time of NC? did you ever have hope of getting back together during that time? It was him. Distance never once came into play ... just issues that would or could get in the way of any "normal" couple ..ie those who live in the same town. Not that LDR's aren't normal. Anyways....during the NC i was heartbroken...I love this man more than anything on earth and it was very hard. I tried getting over him and seeing other people but it just never ever worked. I honestly didn't think we would get back together but I had to just give into my feelings and get in touch with him. It took him a few days to reply to the email but I'm so glad he did. We were back together in under 24 hours of him replying. Like I said before ...if I had got in touch sooner I could've saved myself ALOT of heartache...so many things got left unsaid and unresolved. I can't look at the whole time apart in a negative light, it did make me stronger in a way and as cliche as it sounds I did learn new things about myself. I just don't think anything is over until you have tried every avenue possible...not that stalking and just basically unwanted attention when the other person has clearly made their minds up are a good thing. You get what I mean.
loverboy1984 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Thanks for sharing your story. Being in NC with my ex gf has been painful but it has made me stronger, and actually love her more. Most importantly it has made me realize all my flaws and things I did bad in the relationship. I wish I could show her Im different. But she didnt break up with me because of these things, Im just searching in myself and trying to better myself. She didnt give me a reason and I believe its because of the new environment shes in and her friends, who are a bad influence, but she doesnt know it yet. I was with her for 6yrs and wanted to purpose next summer. I just hope in a few weeks when we are both done with school she will contact me too and we can start over. Ive tried to get over her, and tried to kill all hope, but it hasnt worked yet. I dont want to break NC because I rather her come to me since she broke it off.
d0rk Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I dont want to break NC because I rather her come to me since she broke it off. Just going off how girls think....She may believe that because she broke it off, you may not want to talk to her again. That she's blown things. You know her best so just do what is best for you. I'm glad you've achieved something in the time apart ...just don't wait too long
loverboy1984 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 As much as my story seems very text book compared to everyone here its kinda unique as well. I know that she is not contacting me because I am currently studying for an exam thats very important in 3wks. I know her well enough to know thats why she hasnt tried. I want to give her a few days after that to see if she does contact me. By then it would have been 3months of NC. You are right I know she thinks she blew it because I got angry at the end when she broke up and told her you will never find anyone who loves you as much as I do, your out of my life now good bye. She probably thinks I disowned her after that. Its been eating at me since then. So im thinking of emailing her a few days after my test, also I forgot to mention she has a very important test too right after me. So here is what I want to say: Hey I just wanted to see how you are doing. I hope your test went well and hope you are doing well too. If you are ready to talk to me I look forward to hearing from you, until then I wish you the best. Love always, -M So what do you think of that? I dont want to come across needy but also show that I still love her so she can come to me. From a womans point of view how would you take this email after 3months of NC? Thanks
d0rk Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 In my absolute honest opinion... that's safe and you can't come across as needy at all with that. It's polite and friendly also. My email was just basically "I STILL LOVE YOU AND I MISS YOU LIKE CRAZY :(" All in caps and without any real reason behind sending it. I was just at a point where it was all or nothing, I didn't care if I came across as needy I just wanted him to know how I felt and if he didn't feel the same then so be it. At least I had tried. But since you both have important tests do what YOU feel is best, you're the one who knows her and a huge distraction may not be a good thing at the moment.
loverboy1984 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Thank you for your advice. I really appreciate it. I just want to be sure. At this point ive done enough healing where even if I get rejected it wont hurt as much. I want to know I did all I could and have no regrets. I dont want her to think it wasnt meant to be because I gave up. I think the fact that I have done NC for 3 months by then, and not contacted her in any way since that hopefully I come across strong. She knows its a tough time for me now since this test is so important and she has always been by my side in these moments so this will surely come across as a surprise that Im going about this without her support and not needing her. Ive tried to hate her, convince myself that I have done better and can do better, and that I dont need her but this damn flame of love is hard to put out. I will feel better knowing its really over, and I think my answer after 3 months will be more clear that it was when I talked to her all confused and unsure about why she was doing it.
d0rk Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I tried the whole hate thing.....loving someone can really be a b*tch at times. Contact will either give you your relationship back or ultimate closure. So it is worth pursuing. Good luck and I hope it really does work out. (:
aerogurl87 Posted May 4, 2011 Posted May 4, 2011 Yes it can still work out. I broke up with my boyfriend about three weeks before I was supposed to originally move to his country. Seriously considered going back to my ex who just wanted a wife so he wouldn't be lonely in the military. Then my boyfriend and I started talking again when we were broken up, just like the best friends we were and still are, and next thing you know he came to see me for a weekend and now I've been living with him for going on two and a half months now and we just got our first apartment together. So yeah it can work out, not saying it will, but if she really loves you and it's meant to be then things will work themselves out.
Recommended Posts