sacredheart Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hello all - It's been awhile since I posted. Well anyway, I'll try to make this as quick as possible. Back in June a friend of mine saw my live in boyfriend out with another woman at a bar. He denied, of course. Then in October found out him and this woman he was "seen" with at the bar were texting like crazy. Now, when I confronted him they were just friends but yet he never told me about her. He had told me about ALL of his other female friends at work. Her for some reason..never mentioned. Also, when I called her to confront her she was very catty...told me to "take it up with him". That was very odd. I mean, a woman should just say they're friends when that's the case, right? Now, there have been random things to make me believe that something was up for the past year..lipstick on his collar (he didn't know where it was from), white suspicous stains on his boxers when we weren't intimate, extra facebook activity, etc. Well, for MONTHS he told me that they were JUST friends. He was never at a bar with her and they texted about me, places for her to see cause she was new in town, etc. He pretty much told me I was crazy and turned things around on me every time I brought it up.. WELL...He accidentally left his email open and this is what I found and this exchange is from 2 weeks ago...AFTER he said he would never contact her again, etc... __________________________________________________ ____ FROM HER TO HIM Hey sorry if I seemed short yesterday , I am out of minutes till today or the 18th not sure. I share with my brother and he hogged this month haha. So I cant even call your office .You will either have to come see me or call from verizon, and we know thats not gonna happen my home number is FROM HIM TO HER Hi!!!!!! Hope all is well. Sorry I was ornary today and trippin you like a child! I am not completely sure why I did so. So, again, my apologies... I just wanted to tell you I'm happy for you. You look like you're happy and it seems like things are going very well for you. Your financial windfall, your camaro, your beautiful daughters school pics, etc. Have a great night! FROM HER TO HIM Hi just read your email, I think the first you ever bothered to write me, I feel honored No big [COLOR=#f35b00]deal today[/COLOR], didnt really think anything of it, you are a guy haha .I'm not exactly happy or unhappy but really do always try and make the best of things. I probably seem that way cause I'm not so ****ed up over you like before, finally put things in perspective, as they should have been all along. Maybe now you see the real me. I hope you are happy and going to be alright with the **** thats going on in your life, just know that I actually can make a great and trustworthy friend if you ever wanna let me in. Good seein you today, you still look handsome __________________________________________________ ____ Alright folks..so I'm wondering if they were "just friends" WHY she is not ****ed up over him like she was before? Would a woman be screwed over a friendship like that? I don't know he continues to tell me that he never "touched" her. None of this adds up. Of course he's not going to tell me he had an affair.. So when I confronted him about it of course he said "why are you checking my email?" never answered anything or explained anything. Simply said "thanks alot" and hung up on my face. He's contined to text me like nothing has happened. Then, he hasn't really called for the past few days..I was wondering why? Did he not have anything to say to cover it up? The whole hang up makes me feel like he's guilty..he said it was because he was around his friend but he could have called to explain... On top of this chick I found out he was emailing another ex girlfriend of his via facebook in which he said he'd never do again either... Can someone PLEASE give me feedback in telling me that I'm right in thinking something more than "friendship" went on and I need to leave his ass...
VicJay79 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 SacredHeart, You need to either Trust your Boyfriend more or Leave him. Checking through his e-mail is a bad sign, and it might be because of your insecurity or the fact he has given you signs he doesn't care. I would have a sit down chat with him and give him a choice. 1) Stop talking to Ex's or 2) Your out. Hello all - It's been awhile since I posted. Well anyway, I'll try to make this as quick as possible. Back in June a friend of mine saw my live in boyfriend out with another woman at a bar. He denied, of course. Then in October found out him and this woman he was "seen" with at the bar were texting like crazy. Now, when I confronted him they were just friends but yet he never told me about her. He had told me about ALL of his other female friends at work. Her for some reason..never mentioned. Also, when I called her to confront her she was very catty...told me to "take it up with him". That was very odd. I mean, a woman should just say they're friends when that's the case, right? Now, there have been random things to make me believe that something was up for the past year..lipstick on his collar (he didn't know where it was from), white suspicous stains on his boxers when we weren't intimate, extra facebook activity, etc. Well, for MONTHS he told me that they were JUST friends. He was never at a bar with her and they texted about me, places for her to see cause she was new in town, etc. He pretty much told me I was crazy and turned things around on me every time I brought it up.. WELL...He accidentally left his email open and this is what I found and this exchange is from 2 weeks ago...AFTER he said he would never contact her again, etc... __________________________________________________ ____ FROM HER TO HIM Hey sorry if I seemed short yesterday , I am out of minutes till today or the 18th not sure. I share with my brother and he hogged this month haha. So I cant even call your office .You will either have to come see me or call from verizon, and we know thats not gonna happen my home number is FROM HIM TO HER Hi!!!!!! Hope all is well. Sorry I was ornary today and trippin you like a child! I am not completely sure why I did so. So, again, my apologies... I just wanted to tell you I'm happy for you. You look like you're happy and it seems like things are going very well for you. Your financial windfall, your camaro, your beautiful daughters school pics, etc. Have a great night! FROM HER TO HIM Hi just read your email, I think the first you ever bothered to write me, I feel honored No big [COLOR=#f35b00]deal today[/COLOR], didnt really think anything of it, you are a guy haha .I'm not exactly happy or unhappy but really do always try and make the best of things. I probably seem that way cause I'm not so ****ed up over you like before, finally put things in perspective, as they should have been all along. Maybe now you see the real me. I hope you are happy and going to be alright with the **** thats going on in your life, just know that I actually can make a great and trustworthy friend if you ever wanna let me in. Good seein you today, you still look handsome __________________________________________________ ____ Alright folks..so I'm wondering if they were "just friends" WHY she is not ****ed up over him like she was before? Would a woman be screwed over a friendship like that? I don't know he continues to tell me that he never "touched" her. None of this adds up. Of course he's not going to tell me he had an affair.. So when I confronted him about it of course he said "why are you checking my email?" never answered anything or explained anything. Simply said "thanks alot" and hung up on my face. He's contined to text me like nothing has happened. Then, he hasn't really called for the past few days..I was wondering why? Did he not have anything to say to cover it up? The whole hang up makes me feel like he's guilty..he said it was because he was around his friend but he could have called to explain... On top of this chick I found out he was emailing another ex girlfriend of his via facebook in which he said he'd never do again either... Can someone PLEASE give me feedback in telling me that I'm right in thinking something more than "friendship" went on and I need to leave his ass...
Author sacredheart Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 So I'm hysterical...he just called and said that he swears he never touched this woman. That she just had a crush on him and must have wanted something more. I mean, why was he flirting with her and reaching out to her daily through text? Texting 20-30 times a day until I got home from work and ALL texts were deleted from his phone? Then I told him I was leaving and he is upset but is not fighting for me to stay? Why? So I asked him and his response is that I started problems by looking at his email and accusing him of doing more than emailing, telling my friends and family that I was moving, etc. That he wasn't going to fight for THAT. Is he trying to turn things around on me or what!? I'm crying hysterically as I pack because he now has me second guessing myself. I'm so distraught. Please someone give me some words of encouragment. I feel like I'm going to lose it. NOW... He's now on the path of crying and hysterical. Says that is was nothing. He never touched anyone. He did what he did but was never unfaithful. That I shouldn't take the fact that he was faithful from him because that was the only good he did give me. That he loves me and wishes me the best... Then ten minutes later he calls and tells me to stop packing. That I just need to trust him. It was harmless which is why he never told me. That she just has a "crush" on him. He said that all he's done has been harmless and that I probably have my own secrets. But he was never allowed to have a private life. That I was always checking his cell phone, etc. Well, I did because I didn't trust him. I just always had a feeling. It doesn't help that he told me when we first started dating that he had infidelity issues until he got married and then he stopped. He doesn't even remember calling or communicating with this woman two weeks ago nor his other ex that he was emailing. He said that's how insignificant it was that he didn't even remember nor care to remember. He told me that I probably have my own secrets and that I guard everything, my cell, personal life, etc. The truth is he NEVER had a reason to be concerned. I've been a good and faithful woman to him. I've always been forthcoming with information such as friends, etc. He told me because I was forthcoming didn't mean that I was telling him "everything". I don't get it. I told him just because he THOUGHT I was being bad behind his back didn't give him the right to do what he did. I don't know he keeps telling me that I was the one and that he won't be able to talk to me in the future cause he knows I'm going to be out there dating, having sex, etc. and he doesn't want to know about it..he can't deal with it. I'm not that kind of a girl. So he went from being tough guy saying he won't fight with me to sad and hysterical promising nothing ever happened... I'm so sad right now..he has me questioning myself...like am I paranoid? I've always had trust issues with men but this is all in my face. Not fake and I've had reasons to check. He last year on my birthday was also texting ANOTHER ex of his and she was catty when I called her..told me that what they were texting was none of my concern. If they were just friends why be so catty? Anyway, he lied about those texts too..they were all deleted...I don't know. Just so many secrets and lies but then he tells me he couldn't tell me cause he knew I'd get mad so back to questioning myself... In the middle of packing I'm hysterical and wondering if I'm really doing the right thing...am I stupid? Did he really turn it around on me like this?
Author sacredheart Posted May 25, 2011 Author Posted May 25, 2011 Hello everyone - I thought I was done with all of this. Was getting ready to move on with my life. I found out today that I'm pregnant! I feel numb. Don't even know what to do with myself. I feel conflicted. Wondering why God would give me the strength to move on to have this happen? I have a beautiful teenage daughter and have considered having another child but not in a situation like this. I mean, it's not the best situation as you all know. He has been talking lots. Making all of these promises to change. He wants to get married, buy a home, settle down. He keeps saying what a blessing this child is, etc. and is so happy. That he'd never hurt me again. I'm just so confused. He makes everything sound so appealing and is starting to make me have the "what if's". What if he did change after having a child with me? What if he doesn't and I'm stuck being a single mom again? Is a liar a liar? Does the fact that he hid things have anything to do with the fact that I was a jealous girlfriend so he HAD to hide his relationship that he claims was just a friendship? I just don't even know where to turn right now. I'm also worried about my health and the fact that I'm considered high risk because of my age (37), the fact that I had preeclampsia my first pregnancy, a miscarriage, etc. I'm just wondering if this is all worth it. I have a beautiful healthy teenage daughter and am just starting to get my freedom back again. To start over with all of these risks..just not sure..then on top of it, the man that is the father? He's promised all of these things but I don't know if I'll get them. If he'll ever change. If this will change him. I keep thinking that maybe I'm wanting to move forward only because I love him and I'm hoping that he'll change. Or is that dumb thinking? Should I just snap out of it, step into reality and not go through with the pregnancy. Start a new life. I'm really looking for some advice here. I'm hoping that no one gets upset about the fact that I'm considering termination. Can any of you please offer some guidance as I'm needing it right now more than ever. Thank you all in advance for your thoughts...
creighton0123 Posted May 25, 2011 Posted May 25, 2011 Question: Do you believe men and women can be intimate friends without having sex involved? It does seem like you don't. Additionally, could it be that he deleted the texts because he knows what your reaction would be? Perhaps you should take a few days away and have a personal retreat, get away from it all, and figure out exactly how you're really feeling? It is obvious that you are extremely jealous of your SO's relationship with this woman. You need to figure out... are you able or unable to trust him?
Author sacredheart Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Creighton - thanks for the response. Could I trust him again? Possibly. I just don't get why IF they were not intimate she's saying "I'm not so effed up over you like I was before". Do women get bent out of shape like that over a friendship? She is not the only other woman he communicated with. He also emailed his ex before me through facebook but never told me. Said that he just wrote to her to say hi and let her know that her son looks great, etc. He said he also asked her what her and her kids were doing for spring break. Not sure why he cares? He also texted and called many times ANOTHER ex and deleted and hid it from me as well. Said it was harmless. They were just catching up. Once again, if harmless, why delete the messages? Unless he thought I wasn't going to check the cell phone records. I'm remembering now when he started exhibiting untrustworthiness the one ex he was just recently emailing he called and texted her 6 months after moving in with me (this was 3 years ago). When I called her at first she said she didnt know who he was although they spoke twice for 15 minutes each time. When I asked HIM who the number belonged to he said his boss's wife. So then I had a feeling he was going to call her again...I checked the cell phone record and he had talked to her for like 3 minutes...I had a feeling if I called her again that she would say that her husband is his friend. So I called and guess what? That's exactly what she said. So he took those few minutes to call her and say, hey if my girlfriend calls, tell her you're my boss wife. Can you BELIEVE that?!?! I mean, is that sketchy? Then on top of all of this...why open the doors with the one chick that is SO messed up over him if he cut it off initially? None of it makes sense to me? I mean, I know that I've exhibited jealousy and insecurity so I get why he could hide and delete things but if so innocent then why delete? You'd think I'd want proof and then I could let it go.
vsmini Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 This is a duplicat thread - you've already posted this in another section,
creighton0123 Posted May 26, 2011 Posted May 26, 2011 Heart, You shouldn't confuse intimacy with sexuality. The question is this: Do you believe that a man and a woman can have both an intimate relationship without having a sexual relationship? We know that two men and two women can, but can a man and a woman of attracting sexual orientations have this? I think the answer is yes... but the corny talk shows of America culture has many convinced that this implies infidelity. Face it. You're looking at his email. Checking his facebook account. Checking his cell phone records. You are calling people that he is calling. Are you going to install a GPS chip? Are you going to start checking his credit card bill? I guarantee you that your SO feels compelled or pushed into lying because he is absolutely terrified of you and your reactions to virtually every relationship he has with someone of the opposite gender. You're not only exhibiting jealousy and insecurity. You are acting crazy. You are the epitome of jealousy and insecurity. Now I'm not saying that your perceptions are wrong. He may, in fact, be a complete douche and lying, manipulative cheater. But why stoop to his level and play the role of private investigator against the person who is supposed to dote on you the most? Talk to him. Explain to him (CALMLY and without judgment) how you see things and ask him to work with you on resolving the triggers that make you feel so jealous and insecure. Express to him why you desire honest monogamy. If he cannot provide that and does little to remedy your feelings and emotions, you should prepare yourself for an inevitable move out (or his moving out, however the situation may go down). To put it simply: A little more relationship counselor and a little less Jerry Springer.
Author sacredheart Posted May 26, 2011 Author Posted May 26, 2011 Creighton - I do understand all that you're saying and yes, I have checked things. This was all a result of his shadiness. I felt compelled to. Like my gut told me something was wrong. You still haven't mentioned your thoughts on what she said. Being so "messed" up over him. Why would she be so screwed up over him if nothing intimate went on? Is that a possibility? Just wondering your thoughts on that? Also, could ex's be friends and nothing more? Would you be ok with it? Just wondering.. Thanks for your advice though..It's much appreciated!
Author sacredheart Posted May 27, 2011 Author Posted May 27, 2011 Maliouhana - do you think he's sniffing for better? I'm just wondering if he is WHY on earth hasn't he let me go and is fighting so hard for me...if he can have better because these girls all want him? You'd think he would just let me go and move on to what he thinks is better, right?
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