MorningCoffee Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 Janey, I have followed your story and am happy for you. I came to LS last year trying to learn what was happening to me when I was in the midst of my A, and I am grateful for all those here. But I also appreciate your coming back with the update, too. Long before my A with a MW (I was, like East, the SOM), which brought me to LS, I had been in a long and mostly happy marriage. Early on, we'd tried a little walk on the wild side (open marriage) but gave it up when it caused too many emotional complications for us. A few years later, while I was away on business, my W and best friend started an affair. I was blindsided and betrayed. Devastated. We separated (I threw her out), and we each saw others for a while. Gradually, though, we each realized we wanted to try to make it work, cut off the others, and slowly and gradually rebuilt our marriage. That is what I want to share with you -- we rebuilt our marriage, and it went on, in complete and loving fidelity for more than two more decades, ending only when she passed away. Who knows if we'd have made it so long, if we had not had to weather those crisis times, and find a way back to each other completely? So, I encourage you to keep up the good, hard work of rebuilding. It can be done, forgiveness can take place, and it can lead to the most wonderful sharing of life. Our watchword came from a quote from a letter by the poet Rainier Maria Rilke: "Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky." Those "infinite distances" between close partners are where the trouble can come in, but also are where the loving can grow. Best wishes.
Author JaneyAmazed Posted May 19, 2011 Author Posted May 19, 2011 Janey, I have followed your story and am happy for you. I came to LS last year trying to learn what was happening to me when I was in the midst of my A, and I am grateful for all those here. But I also appreciate your coming back with the update, too. Long before my A with a MW (I was, like East, the SOM), which brought me to LS, I had been in a long and mostly happy marriage. Early on, we'd tried a little walk on the wild side (open marriage) but gave it up when it caused too many emotional complications for us. A few years later, while I was away on business, my W and best friend started an affair. I was blindsided and betrayed. Devastated. We separated (I threw her out), and we each saw others for a while. Gradually, though, we each realized we wanted to try to make it work, cut off the others, and slowly and gradually rebuilt our marriage. That is what I want to share with you -- we rebuilt our marriage, and it went on, in complete and loving fidelity for more than two more decades, ending only when she passed away. Who knows if we'd have made it so long, if we had not had to weather those crisis times, and find a way back to each other completely? So, I encourage you to keep up the good, hard work of rebuilding. It can be done, forgiveness can take place, and it can lead to the most wonderful sharing of life. Our watchword came from a quote from a letter by the poet Rainier Maria Rilke: "Once the realization is accepted that even between the closest human beings infinite distances continue, a wonderful living side by side can grow, if they succeed in loving the distance between them which makes it possible for each to see the other whole against the sky." Those "infinite distances" between close partners are where the trouble can come in, but also are where the loving can grow. Best wishes. This made me cry. Thank you. Thank you so much for sharing your story. I do believe with all my heart that this crisis brought my husband and me closer together. We relate to each other on a level that we never have before. I have suffered more than I could ever imagine, and it's helped mold me into someone new. I feel better as a person than I ever have before. I feel like I'm finally heading in the direction I'm supposed to be in, and I've got the support of my husband. I cry a lot when I think about him and all he's had to endure. He's much stronger and wiser than I am. He never let his emotions take over. He has remained a steady rock. God has blessed me with man with a heart of gold the most selfless person I know.
Emme Posted May 19, 2011 Posted May 19, 2011 :bunny:Yay:bunny: Congrats. It's hard no matter how much time goes by. Just work through those sad moments. Let the tears flow if they need to. Just don't pick up the phone. We are all here for you and believe me this place really does help. Yay LS! East.. breathe baby... breathe... *Gets East a beer*
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