bslchump Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I thought I'd throw out an update for any that remember me and keep track of my crap. Things have been better lately, admittedly. After my last post (found a pic of her and it set me back a bunch) I've been positively terrified of finding anything else. Before that, I would debate daily over looking at her facebook/her boyfriends facebook, but now I just go "whoooooaaaaa no. That is going to WRECK you." I've been trying to keep my mind occupied as best I can with ANYTHING I can. A thought of her? Whoop, gonna take the dog out. Another thought? Gonna go play some guitar for a bit. I keep waiting for the time when some depressing thought just drags me down, but so far I've been able to stave it off. I think being around family and soon friends has been helping. It's so much easier to have a good distraction if there are people around. Being alone in a different state in our apartment was the WORST. I'm very thankful I at least don't have to be there anymore. I still miss my dog a whole ton. In fact, thinking about her and whatever she's doing still gives me that rip through my chest, but when I think about my dog, I still tear up. She slipped his first dog tag from when we got him into my bag before I left. I found it the other day and had to put it away. I really loved that little guy more than I knew, and I thought I loved him a LOT. I know that if/when I find out something about her in the future, It'll probably destroy me for a bit, but I'm trying to push that back as far as I can. I've asked my friends to not mention her, and I don't plan on rifling for any info soon. I still didn't text her back from the last message she sent (a week/week and a half ago), and she hasn't sent one since. Well, that's my update. I'll talk to you guys later.
knathema Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 sounds like we are on the same boat man. It has only been 2 weeks but I been keeping my NC very strictly and deactivated my FB so I can stay away from her life. Everytime when I have the urge to see what she is up to, I would just keep reminding myself that it won't change anything, you have to let go and face the reality. it sucks but I am so ready to move on and and be happy again. good luck !
Author bslchump Posted May 2, 2011 Author Posted May 2, 2011 It's very weird not being able to look at her stuff. You KNOW it's going to hurt you, but for some reason you still want to do it. I'm at roughly a month of NC, but I still don't feel like "I can't WAIT to move on!". I mean, I do, but I still miss her a bunch. Hopefully with my new found discipline, I'll be able to go from thinking of her every day, to every other day.
knathema Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 I totally understand how you are feeling. That's exactly why I deactivated my fb and kept myself busy throughout the day. I am rarely home during the day, I am either at the gym, with friends, or at the bookstore studying. I kept reminding myself that this is the reality and you knowing what she is doing won't change anything. And Instead, I am focusing on only myself and the next time when I bump into her, I can show her how much I changed and how successful I became, it's her lost. Good luck man!
Recommended Posts