ChocCheesecake Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 To update, I have been doing great. While I do see/speak to MM on occasion due to work-related reasons, I've been feeling great the past few weeks. Things within my marriage are going well, and I am realizing that my flirtation/EA/whatever it was with MM was more about boosting my own ego/self-esteem, than that I had real genuine feelings for him. I don't take his jerky treatment personally anymore, b/c I know he is a serial skirt chaser, and just an emotional mess, which I knew all along. So when he is nice to me, I keep it at a colleague level, and when he is aloof/ignoring, I brush it off because I finally accept that it is not because of something wrong with me. These are his issues. Having said that, I do find myself thinking about him more than I would like to. How do you all get beyond that? My thoughts don't propel me to contact him, so that is good, but I just want to get him out of my head. I think the main problem is in the back of my head I'm hoping that somehow he will prove to be the man I *thought* he was before I got to know him so well. But that man doesn't exist. Thoughts?
Breezy Trousers Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 You sound great! ... Your MM sounds very similar to mine ... I sympathize. I was recently visiting http://www.saferelationshipsmagazine.com and saw there was a CD called "Maintaining Mindfulness in the Middle of an Obsession." It addresses relationships with psychopaths and the ensuing obsession when the relationship ends, but I imagine the exercises would be equally helpful in recovering from a love affair. When I would start obsessing about MM, I would say "STOP," focus on taking 10 slow breaths to break the train of thought, or visualize my husband (). Prayer works, too. Anything to re-work those neural patterns!
whichwayisup Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 To update, I have been doing great. While I do see/speak to MM on occasion due to work-related reasons, I've been feeling great the past few weeks. Things within my marriage are going well, and I am realizing that my flirtation/EA/whatever it was with MM was more about boosting my own ego/self-esteem, than that I had real genuine feelings for him. I don't take his jerky treatment personally anymore, b/c I know he is a serial skirt chaser, and just an emotional mess, which I knew all along. So when he is nice to me, I keep it at a colleague level, and when he is aloof/ignoring, I brush it off because I finally accept that it is not because of something wrong with me. These are his issues. Having said that, I do find myself thinking about him more than I would like to. How do you all get beyond that? My thoughts don't propel me to contact him, so that is good, but I just want to get him out of my head. I think the main problem is in the back of my head I'm hoping that somehow he will prove to be the man I *thought* he was before I got to know him so well. But that man doesn't exist. Thoughts? Instead of focussing on him and the man you thought he was, focus on being the wife you *should* be to your husband. Work on you.
fooled once Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 To update, I have been doing great. While I do see/speak to MM on occasion due to work-related reasons, I've been feeling great the past few weeks. Things within my marriage are going well, and I am realizing that my flirtation/EA/whatever it was with MM was more about boosting my own ego/self-esteem, than that I had real genuine feelings for him. I don't take his jerky treatment personally anymore, b/c I know he is a serial skirt chaser, and just an emotional mess, which I knew all along. So when he is nice to me, I keep it at a colleague level, and when he is aloof/ignoring, I brush it off because I finally accept that it is not because of something wrong with me. These are his issues. Having said that, I do find myself thinking about him more than I would like to. How do you all get beyond that? My thoughts don't propel me to contact him, so that is good, but I just want to get him out of my head. I think the main problem is in the back of my head I'm hoping that somehow he will prove to be the man I *thought* he was before I got to know him so well. But that man doesn't exist. Thoughts? Time. Time will help you get him out of your head. Focus on YOU and doing good things for YOU. I am glad you have seen him for what he is. Remember to forgive yourself for getting involved with him. Remember that you have dodged a bullet The guy you want/need is not him. And like you said, you do know that deep down. But sometimes it is hard to let go of that because when we really see them for the jerks they are, we start to wonder "what was I thinking" Good luck to you!
Baroness67 Posted May 3, 2011 Posted May 3, 2011 I actually got lucky on this a long time ago. I wasn't married, but supposedly he was. It was a summer camp job where we were thrown together a lot in one of those artificial hothouse environments where it's easy to forget reality. He was super good looking and coached sports. I could have lost my job by getting involved with him, ashamed to say I never even thought about his being married. I think it made it more exciting if anything. (I was really young.) Fortunately I walked around the corner one day and saw him all over another counselor behind some tents and boom, I got lucky. He never flirted with me anymore because he knew his game was up. I can't say I forgot him the rest of the summer completely, but the key is definitely separating the guy you have in your head from the guy he really is. I always imagine him now as 50 and laugh.
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