confusedak Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Hello everyone, Im new on here so sorry if its long. OKay, me and my significant other have been together for a little over 2 years we have a child and starting a family. But things werent peachy between us until He found out I was with child. From the momment he asked me to be his girl over the year, he was sexting to girls, asking this one girl how she would suck his c*ck, We were together maybe a month. He also was making plans to go hang out with this one girl behind my back saying she was just a friend and I asked myself if it was just a friend why try to keep it from me.. I know this becuase i went through his phone. I only did this becuase something deep down inside me told me to look through his phone and i listend to my heart and I did. Well these actions continued. He got girls numbers behind my back. He was at the college one day with his friend and freaked out on my when I said i was gonna come there.. come to find out he lied to me telling me it was just him and a friend.. HIS EX WAS THERE. Well i forgave him ONCE again. He sent pictures of hus junk to girls on the phone and made plans once again to go hang out with some girls and his guy friend becuase he thought i didnt go to my class. He said he never hung out with them. The day before me birthday I found him texting a girl behind my back and said she was just friend.. yaeah right? BUT wait theres more... on top of all this stuff he was always accusing me being the one talking to people and doing stuff and I never did, also on top of calling me a sl*t, wh*re,b*itch. and among other things everyday he degraded me.. I still stayed with him thinking maybe he will change and things wil get better.. After so much taking this I had a class with one of my ex's I started talking to him I ran to him for comfort cause the man I was with didnt have any respect for me.. I kissed him.. ONE kiss this was all. well I kept if from him for a whole year it haunted me i didnt want to tell him and him leave me while i was pregnant. So i told him 3 months after our son was born he forgave me right away and was pretty upset about it considering he has changed alot and things are great now and he treats me better. I still have this feeling that theres something going on that i dont know about. and its the same feeling that I had before everytime I found out that stuff.. and i ask him and confront him and he gets all mad and then trys to make me feel like the bad person for asking that this is what he says " I cant believe you, I cant believe you would ask me that" I used to know his passwords to everything and he was fine with that until last december he changed EVERYTHING and didnt tell me.. I soo concerned.. i dont know what to do.. and now I am getting this feeling that hes talking to someone behind my back and today I almost started talking to my ex again I dont know why but I didnt. What do I do. Im loosing my mind im so confused.
YellowShark Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I still have this feeling that theres something going on that i dont know about. and its the same feeling that I had before everytime I found out that stuff.. and i ask him and confront him and he gets all mad and then trys to make me feel like the bad person for asking that... It's called gaslighting. If he really was innocent he would do everything in his power to prove his innocence and his love for you. Instead he is getting defensive and angry, which is trying to turn the tables in an attempt to lead you off the trail. Your intuition is waving red flags at you and he is gaslighting you. Plus he has a history of being "a player." If it quacks like a duck, and looks like a duck, and swims like a duck confusedak. It's a duck.
Author confusedak Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Well thats what I say but he tells me how much he loves me and our son and that he does everything for us and then I feel bad for even thinking about him talking to someone behind my back. I love him more then anything. Thank you for the feedback.
YellowShark Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Well thats what I say but he tells me how much he loves me and our son and that he does everything for us and then I feel bad for even thinking about him talking to someone behind my back. I love him more then anything. Thank you for the feedback. There is HUGE difference between word and actions. I bet he will say absolutely ANYTHING not to be cornered. A person with nothing to hide hides nothing. Since your intuition is screaming at you, and he's been "a player" before, I would invest some time and effort into finding out if he is being honest with you now. Since he is trying to make you out as the "bad guy" in all this - (by questioning him) - my bet is he is doing something wrong. You deserve an emotional and financial partner in life who is honest with you confusedak. You really do. It is not a crime to ask for reassurance from your significant other when you need it. But it is a red flag when you do that and they become angry or hostile. Don't make any snap decisions, just trust.. BUT VERIFY. Good luck.
Woman In Blue Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 ... on top of all this stuff he was always accusing me being the one talking to people and doing stuff and I never did, also on top of calling me a sl*t, wh*re,b*itch. and among other things everyday he degraded me.. I still stayed with him thinking maybe he will change and things wil get better.. If I live to be 500, I'll never understand why young women are foolish enough to stay with losers like this - then have kids with them. Let me go bang my head against the wall another 100 times and just maybe, I'll understand this stupidity. I used to know his passwords to everything and he was fine with that until last december he changed EVERYTHING and didnt tell me.. I soo concerned.. i dont know what to do.. And you're surprised because.....why? The guy's a lying loser and you KNEW it over a year ago. You CHOSE to stay with him and now you have a kid with him. You've tied yourself to this jerkoff for years to come. I see a looooong future of chasing this scumbag for child support for the next 18 years. What do I do. Im loosing my mind im so confused. It's really hard for me to have a whole lot of sympathy for women who KNOW they're with a snake and continue being with him, then cry "foul" when the jerk acts like the jerk he IS. You're not a victim - you're a volunteer. You signed up for this crap and you're getting exactly what you KNEW he was capable of. Leave the loser. You should have left him over a year ago but you didn't.
TigerCub Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 If I live to be 500, I'll never understand why young women are foolish enough to stay with losers like this - then have kids with them. Let me go bang my head against the wall another 100 times and just maybe, I'll understand this stupidity. And you're surprised because.....why? The guy's a lying loser and you KNEW it over a year ago. You CHOSE to stay with him and now you have a kid with him. You've tied yourself to this jerkoff for years to come. I see a looooong future of chasing this scumbag for child support for the next 18 years. It's really hard for me to have a whole lot of sympathy for women who KNOW they're with a snake and continue being with him, then cry "foul" when the jerk acts like the jerk he IS. You're not a victim - you're a volunteer. You signed up for this crap and you're getting exactly what you KNEW he was capable of. Leave the loser. You should have left him over a year ago but you didn't. Op, the above may sound harsh, but it is actually very true. I'm sorry, but you knew what he was like and you put up with it - why would he change - because now you have a kid? No, sorry, that's not how it works. Your actions got you into this mess, and hopefully your actions will be smarter from now on - don't waste more time on this loser. You also said "I almost started talking to my ex again I dont know why but I didnt." yeah - calling up your ex and maybe starting an affair of your own wont solve anything - it will just add to the drama, and the hurt. Be proud of yourself for not calling, and I hope that in the future you wont entertain the thought of getting involved with your ex. Just focus on what you need to do with regards to your boyfriend. Good luck to you
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