NEED to stop feeling attracted to older boss

[eager]

I graduated from uni last year and started work at a company 3 months ago. Feedback from all my bosses have been good so far.

 

My direct boss looks at me a lot when my back is turned. He sneaks glances at my mouth and neck when he thinks I'm not looking. He is a big gruff kinda guy but always speaks to me gently and is quite playful with me. During a meeting with a few other colleagues, he jokingly asked if I would like to go out with him tonight.

 

I've recently realised that I am attracted to him. It's gotten to the point where I try to avoid talking to him unless absolutely necessary ( ie work related) because I don't think my feelings are appropriate. Also, he is quite bossy and demanding but that's part of the attraction for me. I like self-assured guys who take control.

 

Anyways, please advice on how to STOP feeling like this. He is married and has kids.

 

I love my job but I can't seem to stop feeling attracted to him, which makes me flustered whenever he's around. I'm worried he'll notice and get encouraged.

 

My first post so please dont be mean.....

[OpenBook]

I love my job but I can't seem to stop feeling attracted to him, which makes me flustered whenever he's around. I'm worried he'll notice and get encouraged.

 

Trust me, he's already noticed. And so have others in the office. Hence his "putting you on the spot" in front of them:

 

He is a big gruff kinda guy but always speaks to me gently and is quite playful with me. During a meeting with a few other colleagues, he jokingly asked if I would like to go out with him tonight.

 

Believe it or not, in a grotesquely goofball kind of way (as guys often do), he was giving you an "out" here to help you save face. Like he was showing the group that no, there's nothing going on here. I hope you came back with a sharp but nonchalant retort - something like "No thanks, I'm REALLY REALLY busy" (implying he's given you a LOT of work to do, and/or you have a rich full abundant life outside of the office and you want to keep it that way!).

 

As far as your developing feelings, I will tell you that it is quite natural and happens all the time in the working world. It's almost mundane. It DOESN'T NECESSARILY MEAN ANYTHING. And if you can successfully manage those feelings, your relationship with him can turn into a great colleague-like friendship/partnership that does WONDERS for your career. *IF* you can manage those feelings until they pass!!

 

Here is what works for me - just concentrate on the work while you're at work, and don't do anything about the feelings. Don't try to fix them or address them or express them or ANYTHING. Just let them run through you, like sh*t through a goose. They will pass. Do not give voice to them (meaning, don't talk about them - to anyone! and especially not to HIM!!). Feelings are transient. Don't let them overtake your life and determine your fate. Your career is at stake here. Play to win! Good luck, and know that he won't be the only guy that this happens with. Just the first.

[eager]

Hi OpenBook,

 

Thank you very much for your sensible reply. That is exactly what I needed to hear. I will remind myself of what you said everyday when I'm at work.

I guess I was just being silly about the whole thing.

 

Thanks very much again.

[OpenBook]

No problem eager. And it's not silly at all. Happens all the time to us humanoids. Just don't put too much stock in the feelings, is all.

[sunshine63]

Hi, I am NOT saying this is going to happen in your case--however, sometimes these feelings can get ahold of you. I agree with the previous poster that you should not talk about them with friends or co-workers. I would suggest if you find yourself in a situation where the thoughts are taking up a lot of space in your head that you seek professional counseling. Therapy can be VERY helpful and a good therapist will explore what personal needs are being met for you regarding your feelings/attraction to this man.