dispatch3d Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I don't think the global scenario is really that all girls are just ridiculously full of themselves and most men are just innocently trying to be their platonic pals, although I'm not denying that that does happen too in the world. It's extremely common for women to experience meeting men who try to get close to them using ulterior motives of one kind or another. Also, most of the women I know tried for years to be just friends with guys, only to hear complaints about friendzoning or be disappointed when said guy 'friends' make moves on them every time they were single or had had one too many drinks. In addition, society tends to lean hard on the adage "men and women can't be just friends," and in my personal experience it's generally been the male voices shouting this the loudest, drumming it in the hardest. It's really not hugely narcissistic for girls to try to nip potentially weird situations in the bud with the relatively gentle "I have a boyfriend" deflection technique, while establishing friendship boundaries with a new male. I don't know if the guy in OP's post is trying to get in her pants or not; it's certainly possible that he's gay, or a Ken doll, or thinks she's unattractive, or is loyal to his true love, or only wants to make sweet love to the tailpipe of a Maserati, or only respects OP for her glistening cerebellum, or any one of another dozen scenarios. It's not unreasonable, however, for her to assume that he might be interested in finding out more about her vagina, and be concerned about keeping their relationship professional since they work together. Also keep in mind that OP's relationship is relatively new and she is still establishing her relationship boundaries, and is showing a desire here to respect her boyfriend. That's hardly a bad thing. Tigress, I don't think you have to be rude to this guy, just don't call him. Be friendly but scale back some on the personal banter, people sometimes read social cues a little differently and this guy seems to be reading it as flirting. He should figure it out. If he presses the point, then tell him you're more comfortable keeping your work and your personal lives separate. Yeah it comes off self-absorbed. I guess it comes off to me like their reality is all guys want them, even when they say "lets just be friends". I guess reversing the scenario would be pretty silly. Everytime a girl asks for a guys number she just wants sex? haha I don't know. This is one of those things that exist in girl-land but not in guy-land.
nyc_guy2003 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 First off let me say I'm married and happily so. At the same time I have no problem being friends with hot girls. In fact I am more likely to be friends with hot chicks than ugly chicks. Why? I'm not completely sure, but I think subconsciously it's an ego boost, and also in the industry I work in it helps my reputation to be associated with good looking people. That being said, like other guys on this thread have mentioned, I would never proactively ask a girl (hot or not) for her number and ask if the boyfriend was ok with it.
Author tigressA Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Next time I see him I'll tell him I'm not comfortable with having a friendship outside of work, and leave it at that.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Thanks for the feedback, everyone. Next time I see him I'll tell him I'm not comfortable with having a friendship outside of work, and leave it at that.He'll know it for a lie if you befriend someone else.
Author tigressA Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 He'll know it for a lie if you befriend someone else. To be honest, it's unlikely that I'll befriend anybody enough to interact with them outside of work. I've never had that happen at any of my other jobs, and I doubt it will happen at this one. None of my coworkers seem like people I feel I could have a significant friendship with. Actually, he'd probably be the only one as I said earlier--but it seems like friendship isn't what he really wants, therefore I feel uncomfortable with it.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Naturally, I don't plan on calling him. As so many here on LS have said, pretty much no guy wants to be just friends with a girl. Anyone got any pointers for me as to how to deal with him from here on out? If you feel like the vibe is romantic/flirtatious, then go with that feeling. You're probably right. However, the notion that NO MAN ever wants to be friends with a woman is a LS myth. This guy sounds a bit off, though, unless he's also new to the area and/or is very actively looking for friends. And even then, he sounds like not the best socializer. I have totally had drinks or something with male work friends without any kind of romantic vibe, but the way he asked for your number . . . it's just weird and not friend-like.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 To be honest, it's unlikely that I'll befriend anybody enough to interact with them outside of work. I've never had that happen at any of my other jobs, and I doubt it will happen at this one. None of my coworkers seem like people I feel I could have a significant friendship with. Actually, he'd probably be the only one as I said earlier--but it seems like friendship isn't what he really wants, therefore I feel uncomfortable with it.I hear you. But you can't predict the future where someone might leave and another hired in place who you might befriend. I wouldn't lie for something like this. Now if this was someone who had power over you, like your manager or even someone influential in management, it would be a good way to mitigate drama that can impact on your job security.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 laksjdf;lkasf;ljkaworeiasflkjasf is seriously my answer. This is easily the most annoying thing girls do. Honestly, if I was in his situation and you were behaving in this manner I probably wouldn't attempt to be your friend. Your loss. I like expanding my friend group, but if girls are going to be weird that is their issue. sigh I really just need to let go of this. Care a little bit less that women/girls misbehave sometimes. Anyhow / angry rant.Sounds to me like you might have a problem reading and expressing social cues, body language and facial expression. Women have a pretty good radar for this.
Author tigressA Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 If you feel like the vibe is romantic/flirtatious, then go with that feeling. You're probably right. However, the notion that NO MAN ever wants to be friends with a woman is a LS myth. This guy sounds a bit off, though, unless he's also new to the area and/or is very actively looking for friends. And even then, he sounds like not the best socializer. I have totally had drinks or something with male work friends without any kind of romantic vibe, but the way he asked for your number . . . it's just weird and not friend-like. I don't think he's awkward or otherwise socially 'off'. If anything he seems really...bold. Sort of cocky. That's what added to my suspicion that he doesn't want to be just my friend. He seems like the type who wouldn't see an established relationship as an impediment. I told him up-front that I am LIVING WITH my boyfriend, the first time we really got to talking. He had asked me if I was new to the area, I said I moved here a few weeks ago, he asked who I moved with, I said "I moved in with my boyfriend." It wasn't just a drop I did out of nowhere--it was the simple truth. Of course I wasn't going to lie and say I live alone, or with a friend or family. TBF, there's no high-low stuff going on here. We're on the same level, in the same department.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I don't think he's awkward or otherwise socially 'off'. If anything he seems really...bold. Sort of cocky. That's what added to my suspicion that he doesn't want to be just my friend. He seems like the type who wouldn't see an established relationship as an impediment. I told him up-front that I am LIVING WITH my boyfriend, the first time we really got to talking. He had asked me if I was new to the area, I said I moved here a few weeks ago, he asked who I moved with, I said "I moved in with my boyfriend." It wasn't just a drop I did out of nowhere--it was the simple truth. Of course I wasn't going to lie and say I live alone, or with a friend or family. Yeah, I figured he was that sort of bold, cocky type as well, which is why I thought it sounded 'off' in terms of romance. Socially awkward would be the only exception I could think of, so that's why I threw that out there. If he's one of those overly persistent types, shut it down as soon as possible. Those guys annoy the crap out of me.
dispatch3d Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Sounds to me like you might have a problem reading and expressing social cues, body language and facial expression. Women have a pretty good radar for this. Gave me a good laugh. I'm actually really good at everything above. Haha. Still funny.
Author tigressA Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 I just talked to my boyfriend about it on the phone (he's coming back from a weekend away). He isn't upset with my lack of handling it right then, but he does think I need to nip it in the bud ASAP. He brought up the fact that I started less than a week ago. Additionally, this guy and I aren't exactly working side-by-side--we've had fairly limited interaction with each other, so why would he bother asking for my number just to be "friends" since he doesn't really know me at all? Most friendships don't start like that, not even same-sex ones.
Banker Chick Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 ^^This is what I thought too. It isn't as if you've been working together for awhile so you're really starting to develop a friendship. Guys like this almost view the fact you have a boyfriend as a challenge ... throw in that you're living together and you've just upped the ante. Woulda been funny when he asked if your boyfriend would mind if he called you and you replied "Why? What in the world would we need to talk about?"
mr.dream merchant Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Ah this makes me smile about being single. Naive girlfriends are a headache.
zengirl Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I just talked to my boyfriend about it on the phone (he's coming back from a weekend away). He isn't upset with my lack of handling it right then, but he does think I need to nip it in the bud ASAP. He brought up the fact that I started less than a week ago. Additionally, this guy and I aren't exactly working side-by-side--we've had fairly limited interaction with each other, so why would he bother asking for my number just to be "friends" since he doesn't really know me at all? Most friendships don't start like that, not even same-sex ones. All great points. And, yeah, it didn't seem organic and friendly. Glad your BF handled it well.
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