Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Sorry a little OT here, but i really don't get this. It's NOT ok to tell your SO that you think she would be beautiful even with a few extra kilos? or that you think she is already beautiful and doesn't need to lose weight? I've said this before to SO and I know sometimes it actually upset them but I was never told why. can any of you girls enlighten me please? I dont see a problem with it, it also depends how it was phrased. Id love for someone to see me as beautiful wether bigger or smaller. Theyd likely take offense if they are unhappy with there shape.
thatdog Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Theyd likely take offense if they are unhappy with there shape. But why? Isn't it nice to get external positive reinforcement from someone you care about? I've never been unhappy with my shape until recently because all my GFs have said they love how I look. Now i'm in a relationship where my gf started criticizing my appearance. I'm changing now but I don't think this R is going to last much longer :/
Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 But why? Isn't it nice to get external positive reinforcement from someone you care about? I've never been unhappy with my shape until recently because all my GFs have said they love how I look. Now i'm in a relationship where my gf started criticizing my appearance. I'm changing now but I don't think this R is going to last much longer :/ Never change for someone else. The only person who could get me to change is myself. Your past gf's loved your physical traits, why settle for someone who doesn't find you just as handsome? Im sure you look great as you are
Eclypse Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Firstly Rinnix: you're a total babe As for me I'd date myself I guess. I'm fairly tall and am lucky enough to be blessed with a muscular physique that doesn't need much working out to maintain. I have sharp features and a dark complexion (I'm white but tanned). Mentally though.. Eh. I can be quite insecure and needy. I complain a lot and get moody. My girlfriend calls me grumpy as a nickname sometimes. I'm also a messy eater and tend to be messy in other aspects too. She doesn't mind though, she said she enjoys cleaning up after me and being the responsible one in the relationship (huzzah! I won the jackpot with this one )
Disillusioned Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I notice many people using numbers to rate themselves & others on a scale. 1-10 scale. When you look at yourself according to your rating, would you date yourself? Do you find yourself above or below average in regards to physical appearance? Do you find yourself attractive? Do you believe that you have many traits that people would be attracted to? (Character too.) I notice many people are shallow in what they want in a partner in regards to appearance, yet they have flaws themselves. Take a look, would you date yourself? I'm my own worst critic, but overall I'm happy with *most* of myself. I have physical & character flaws yet, I've chosen to accept them. They give me character. So yes, I would find that I am a catch. I think that I'm perhaps a bit higher then average looking. I have added a photo album of myself too for those curious. What about you? Would you consider yourself a catch? I think you're reading too much into physical appearance, and very little into personality requirements. What I hear you asking is: would you rather date someone who's very good-looking but with a disagreeable personality, or someone who isn't that good-looking but treats you like the best thing that ever happened to them?
Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 I think you're reading too much into physical appearance, and very little into personality requirements. What I hear you asking is: would you rather date someone who's very good-looking but with a disagreeable personality, or someone who isn't that good-looking but treats you like the best thing that ever happened to them? Hm, well I would have liked to reedit the thread, but it's not possible. I see what your saying, I should have added some more focus on character too. Character can make someone 100x more attractive. However, I do notice that people are too busy looking at someone's outer appearance to even get to there character. Which is why I was asking people if they would date themselves on a physical level, as people have high standards.
Nexus One Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) However, I do notice that people are too busy looking at someone's outer appearance to even get to there character. Which is why I was asking people if they would date themselves on a physical level, as people have high standards. The problem with that question is that if you ask that to straight people, then they probably can't answer that question very well. Additionally, like I mentioned earlier, men tend to overestimate their looks as research has shown that that is some male biological mechanism. So that's why you can get skewed answers here regarding people's own looks, at least from straight men. The way I solve this is to look at the boyfriends of women that are my type. For example the boyfriends of celebrities that I find attractive and then compare their boyfriends to my own looks to see if I can roughly compare or am roughly better looking. I wouldn't be able to say this precisely, hence I'd have to do it crudely. Edited May 1, 2011 by Nexus One
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Either I'm missing the point of this thread or some don't understand self-promotion. Isn't this thread about positive vibes about self?
Nexus One Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Either I'm missing the point of this thread or some don't understand self-promotion. Isn't this thread about positive vibes about self? Are you pointing at the possibility that OP posted pictures of herself and that "showing herself off" was actually the point of the entire thread? Possible, but you both have boyfriends, so if you're right, then the entire dynamic you're referring to is completely lost to me. Why would she do that if she has a boyfriend and why would you have a problem with it when you yourself have a boyfriend and thus are not in direct competition with her?
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Are you pointing at the possibility that OP posted pictures of herself and that "showing herself off" was actually the point of the entire thread? Possible, but you both have boyfriends, so if you're right, then the entire dynamic you're referring to is completely lost to me. Why would she do that if she has a boyfriend and why would you have a problem with it when you yourself have a boyfriend and thus are not in direct competition with her?Eh? I'm not getting where you came to that conclusion. This thread is about being positive about yourself. As for Rinnix posting pics of herself, yes, that's a form of self-promotion but I don't see anything wrong with it and have expressed as much. Had I been "in competition" with her, I would have posted pics of myself instead of encouraging her to go for it. p.s. I have a husband, not a boyfriend.
Nexus One Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) Eh? I'm not getting where you came to that conclusion. Perhaps I interpreted it incorrectly, but I thought some women criticized her self-promotion. Hence my question, because I don't see the point in that unless the motive for it comes from some type/sense of competition. (from both OP and the women that criticize) Disclaimer: I'm not judging anyone, I'm just trying to understand the dynamics. Edited May 1, 2011 by Nexus One
Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Actually I'm pretty sure more then one person had something to say about me, but it was no the point. I was even given a rate (which I did not ask for, and really didn't approve of.) I was using myself as an example. I do think that I have a lot of good to offer when it comes to relationships. If someone saw it as competition, well that is there issue, but that is not what I intended to do at all. I'm secure enough with myself that I don't feel the need to compete, I can appreciate the beauty of others without getting catty. I thought that regardless of the trolls, it was rather nice to see that people did see that they had a overall great package (Physical & emotional/character) to offer others.
Darren Taylor Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Just to go into a bit more detail than my prior post, I would date myself. Tall(6'2"), dark, handsome, athletic. Sign me up!!
NXS Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Actually I'm pretty sure more then one person had something to say about me, but it was no the point. I was even given a rate (which I did not ask for, and really didn't approve of.) I was using myself as an example. I do think that I have a lot of good to offer when it comes to relationships. If someone saw it as competition, well that is there issue, but that is not what I intended to do at all. I was one of the posters who gave you a rating (7.5), now I don't know if you didn't approve of the number or of being rated. If it's the number well it's just my personal opinion of course, however where I currently live (Spain) that would be your rating compared to some of the really hot women here from all over Europe. If it's the concept of being rated then I'll remind you where it was first suggested on this thread: I notice many people using numbers to rate themselves & others on a scale. 1-10 scale. When you look at yourself according to your rating, would you date yourself? Do you find yourself above or below average in regards to physical appearance? and your reply to my post was: I'm pretty iffy on the numbers game. I get a variety of different rates from different people depending on there tastes. It generally goes from a 7-9. As for being in 'competition' well your OP smacks of competition: So yes, I would find that I am a catch. I think that I'm perhaps a bit higher then average looking. I have added a photo album of myself too for those curious. So I think you're being quite disingenuous here.
threebyfate Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Perhaps I interpreted it incorrectly, but I thought some women criticized her self-promotion. Hence my question, because I don't see the point in that unless the motive for it comes from some type/sense of competition. (from both OP and the women that criticize) Disclaimer: I'm not judging anyone, I'm just trying to understand the dynamics.Don't clump me with others. Go read my previous posts within this thread to get a better feel for my stance. Anyways, back to positive energy. Y'all should try to look to your positives, instead of pinpointing negatives. IMO, that's the main problem with most LS members where they fixate on tiny negatives without looking at the bigger picture of positives, whether it's about themselves, others, relationships or life in general.
Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 @ NXS Wasn't a 8 if "unclothed". Now wouldn't that generally be a 8 in general? I do not understand. Though, I do not argue that there are many beautiful women in Europe. Regardless of that matter, I didn't ask for a rate, but you are entitled to your own opinion. Everyone has different eyes for what beauty is. It's not the number I didn't approve of, it's being rated in general that I didn't care for. I didn't ask people to rate me on a scale. Sure my photo is there, people can think what they want of me. I was asking that when people looked at themselves, do they see themselves as an overall catch? People are often picky in what they want, but they don't take the time to look at themseves and see what they are offering too. (Character + overall package) My post was supposed to state that regardless of the scale, do you find yourself a catch. As said above, many people have different prefrences as to what beauty is, to some you can be a "5" average, and to some you can be a "10" perfection. Perhaps I should have worded my initial post differently, but my intent was never to make competition. I said that I believed I was above average, and well I think I am because I have a warm heart, I'm generous, I communicate well with my partner, I go out of my way to make others happy. I have other good character traits but it would take awhile to list. And I don't think that I'm too bad looking. To me, that as a package is above average.
Nexus One Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Don't clump me with others. Go read my previous posts within this thread to get a better feel for my stance. One second glance I might have misinterpreted what you actually meant.
Jynxx Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Cant believe a great topic which could provide some valuable insight for some people got derailed because a beautiful girl posted pics of herself and some ppl needed to point out her pointy elbows. Such a shame.
johan Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I always thought I'd be good to date. I'm pretty funny and smart and good to have around. I'm clean and take care of myself and I'm above average looking. I'm probably more of a home-body than I should be, but that often has to do with who you have to hang out with. It's in the eye of the beholder, though. What I think of me is distorted by the fact that I can't escape myself. And what you see in the mirror is not what others see when they look at you. The last girl I dated took a pass. That's my most recent objective evaluation, and it wasn't to my advantage.
Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Cant believe a great topic which could provide some valuable insight for some people got derailed because a beautiful girl posted pics of herself and some ppl needed to point out her pointy elbows. Such a shame. I'm just glad that some people really did take the time to post and name there great qualities. It wasn't a complete failure after all. And.. Pointy elbows? Where is this mentioned
Jynxx Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I'm just glad that some people really did take the time to post and name there great qualities. It wasn't a complete failure after all. And.. Pointy elbows? Where is this mentioned You're welcome:) and I thought the pointy elbow was a common term on the internet, but apparently not. Here it is pointy elbows A stock reply to the question of whether a woman is hot. Either the guy is being sarcastic, or he is gay. Guy1: Dude, I would so hit Jessica Alba multiple times until she cried for mercy. Guy2: Meh, she has pointy elbows.
Author Rinnix Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Never heard that term, guess I learned something new today.
NXS Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 @ NXS Wasn't a 8 if "unclothed". Now wouldn't that generally be a 8 in general? I do not understand. Regardless of that matter, I didn't ask for a rate, but you are entitled to your own opinion. Everyone has different eyes for what beauty is. It's not the number I didn't approve of, it's being rated in general that I didn't care for. I didn't ask people to rate me on a scale. Sure my photo is there, people can think what they want of me. True you didn’t ask for a rating, however when you talk about the concept in an OP and then post pictures of yourself well then don’t be shocked if you get one. Furthermore I only really posted that because of some of the other negative comments, if it wasn’t received as intended then my apologies.
Sunstar Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I don't know if I would date myself. That would be awkward I think. Me and myself would probably be friends though.
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