broken-and-lost Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Hi all So today had a bit of a bad day and lapsed into thinking most of the day about my ex, I've accepted it's over best i can. it's been 6 1/2 months since our break up been NC off and on since the break up, was trying full NC but unfortunately ran into her outside of my parents house and she asked if i wanted to go for a coffee i said yes instead no. We had a decent chat nothing bad but she also reminded me she was never coming back, i know she's been building a relationship with another guy, even tho she won't actually come out and say it but i know he was about as a friend in waiting long before we split up. Anyway my question how long is long enough before you move on ? i was hoping to be feeling a lot better by now but she is still very much on my mind. What time scales have people on here experienced in healing? I had a really difficult couple of years fighting depression which i finally was able to remove from my life,but at the hugh cost of losing the one i loved, so i'm a bit annoyed that i'm still so very heartbroken and wondered what realistic time scales are?? we where together 3 years.
Fufu Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 As long as you can live happily and independently without needing her, you have moved on. Our exes will always be in our mind, but even when we remembered them, it's not defeating feelings anymore. Everybody's healing period is different. I was with my ex bf for 3 years, broke up in October, so I guess I'm also about 6 1/2 months like yours. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Author broken-and-lost Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 hey fufu thanks for your reply sounds like our breakups happened around the same time would you say that you are healed or just in a better place to deal with your emotions and function normally?
Fufu Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I've not completely healed. I'm in a better place to deal with my emotions. I do have ups and downs and inconsistent, roller coast emotions. Though, I know I'm so much better than day 1 of NC.
Username37 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 It's different for everyone. Some might take a few years and some might take a month. I got dumped on May 16th, 2010 after a first love 1.5 year relationship and I started moving on around Dec-Jan I think...I'm in a way better place and I'm seeing someone new and better NC and blocking her on FB helped a lot. You should do that if you still have a way of communicating with her. BTW: I'm in HS, but graduating this year. I hope my advice is still good regardless of my age.
Author broken-and-lost Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 It's different for everyone. Some might take a few years and some might take a month. I got dumped on May 16th, 2010 after a first love 1.5 year relationship and I started moving on around Dec-Jan I think...I'm in a way better place and I'm seeing someone new and better NC and blocking her on FB helped a lot. You should do that if you still have a way of communicating with her. BTW: I'm in HS, but graduating this year. I hope my advice is still good regardless of my age. Any advice is great m8 as i'm trying to gauge peoples feeling on subject
Shadowburn Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Together for 2 very intense years, been broken up for 8 months, with very limited contact and no contact for weeks and months. Still struggling. I too was expecting to be completely over it by now...well, I am not.
EyeAlone Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 It really depends on the person, circumstances of the breakup (did you see it coming or did it blindside you?), if you're in regular contact with them after the breakup, etc. I was in a relationship with a guy for a few months but it took me 5 months to get over him. That was longer than we even dated! Part of the problem was that I did not practice NC and it bit me in the butt. In my next relationship, I was with the guy for over 3 years. However, it only took me 3 months to get over him. This time, I went 100% NC and I had seen the breakup coming.
stopthemadness Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I was with my ex for 8 1/2 years. Been brokeup 9 months with 3 1/2 months of FULL N/C. Iam doing better then I was but iam not over all of it yet. Him and his new person , well her house is down the street from me. REALLY sucks!!! I am not saying I hurt as much as I used too. But I definitely still have bad days . Then it passes and I have a few good days. Dont give your a time line, everyones different. With every day that goes by we are healing a little more each day. Hang in there....
SimonSerenade Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 It's been about 9 months for me, life is a lot easier now and I've processed many feelings in that time, for the longest time I couldn't move on, every day was a struggle but I feel I've gotten through the worst and now I'm at the stage of acceptance and though it's hardly the worst feeling in the world like it was when we first broke up but it's certainly a sad feeling, I'm mainly just processing the fact that we will never be again and we will never raise our child together and give him the life he deserves but this is the life she chose and there was nothing I could do about it and that's the way you need to look at it really and maybe one day she will regret it and come back but who need's the drama, just got to process that and move on good luck mate
shocked_confused Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Hey Broken, I've been apart from my ex for almost 6 months now, dated 5.5 years. I think I still have feelings for him, but I am in a way better place then I was in november, when we first broke up. I think it's normal to have up-and-down feelings at this point, especially if you were together for a good amount of time. No worries, a lot of us are in the same place you are, so you're definitely not alone
Author broken-and-lost Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Thanks for all your responses means a lot to know how other people are coping i've not had Proper NC since this started maybe a few weeks max with lots of low contact, but she seems to be moving on and seems happy, which is great for her and i wouldn't not want to see her happy, i still feel really heartbroken over the whole situation and not as far along as i would have hoped. But reading all your own experiences helps in a way even if it's to tell me that i still need to heal and it's going to take time.
DollyGirl12 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I agree, it can be different for all of us, and I believe circumstances play a big role in things also. Have been full NC with my ex since last Sept. With me part of the circumstances made it more difficult for me because i never got the truth and I really dwelled on everything. I knew the truth, he just did not give me the respect of admitting what he had been caught in. His mother was devastated and his sister wanted to know if I could find forgiveness. I had to finally ask her not to bring up his name anymore. She knew what he did was wrong and she was completely respectful of me when I made the request. The other part of me moved on because how could I ever want to be with someone who would have done the things he did behind my back. It made me completely sick to think about it and I knew I did not want to be with a person like that. That is what I had to focus on more. Again, circumstances!
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