nowwhatnow Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 after my ex bf of 2 years broke up with me i was devastated, my world came crashing down. i was too heart broken to really say anything to him, so i wrote him a letter and he was touched but he said he needed his space. and i gave it to him. after a regretful birthday text on my end i vowed NC. it has been 7 months of NC, 9 since the break. after this i couldnt stand living where i was so i came upon an opportunity to move to the other side of the world - and i took it. i never told him i left. throughout my experiences i have gone through stages of wanting him back, not wanting him back and many ups and downs. but i have finally come back to a state of normalcy. and i have been at this state for a few weeks now. i still have 2 months until i return home but i have decided that i want him back - even though he dumped me. its been bothering me with not knowing what to say - i know i have time but i am looking for suggestions. i do not want to look desperate; i want to show him that i have grown and he has grown and i want to try again. but he is the one who broke up with me so i know that my chances are quite slim. how do i show him we are different now? how do i show him it will not be the same relationship as before? thanks for your help LS
Fufu Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 If he is the one who initiates the break up, he has to be one to initiate the sincere contact and action. And, he has to be the one to also feels and realizes that this relationship is can be rebuild.
iceweasel6 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 @nowwhatnow It seems like you have thought about things over a long period of time (and distance) apart. First, your ex is not a mind reader. So you will have to let him know of your intentions, but it has to be done in a manner than is sensitive to him and his potential current situation (he may be in a relationship). Overall, you want to simply let him know how you feel about him, and why, and that you would like to reconcile. There is nothing wrong with letting him know how you feel. It will be up to him to decide if he want to move forward. Be prepared for things to not work out the way you wish.
Author nowwhatnow Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 @fufu: i understand where you are coming and i thought this over for a while and i dont really want to play games. i have decided that this is what i want. if i dont tell him i will regret it, even if he rejects me. @iceweasel6: i have thought about this for a really long time. i just do not even know what to say. i still have this lingering feeling, like fufu said, if he wanted me back he would have contacted me already - but then i think that maybe because of the distance he decided not to bother until i come back. i can never know what it is until i contact him
Fufu Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 (edited) If you are so keen on telling him your feelings (Which i am strongly against, unless right now you are still with him and if you guys are quarreling, communication is key.) You can ask him the ultimatum question, Do you want to be with me still? If he says no, move on. If he says, I don't know, I'm still confused. Move on too because you wouldn't want to be with someone who doesn't know what he wants in a relationship. You have to think of by contacting him, what can you get out of it? Whenever we break NC, we are back to day 1 of heartbroken feelings when our exes left us and we will start to neglect the important things in our lives and start over analyzing will they reply us, how will they feel about my contact, will they see hope/chance/reconciliation. What if they ignore us for days/weeks/months.... Going NC is not playing games, however putting your emotion well-being at risk and yourself constantly in the past is playing games with yourself. You have done NC for 7-9 months and if you are still feeling hurt, why not think "What have you not done enough to help yourself to move on?" Is it because I am still putting him on a pedestal everyday of my life? is it because I focus all my energy on him more than myself? Is it because I have not done enough to cease all contacts from him? (Example, facebook, twitter, myspace, phone records) Is it because I feel that without him my life will never be happy and meaningful? If I can't move on from my previous relationship completely, I will only blame myself for not doing enough and not doing my best. Our exes only hurt us once when they broke up with us for real. The rest of the time, we are the ones hurting ourselves. Going NC helps us to gain ourselves back, our self-esteem back. This is your life, you are a separate entity from your ex-bf. Why let another person decides your life and future? It's your life, you are the driver of your own life. Do what's best for yourself. "You want to be actively chosen and not settled for." "People who want to be with you will be with you and will not resist being with you." Not being with you just because of distance is purely BS in my opinion. Edited May 1, 2011 by Fufu
2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 As a failsafe you could try a little dipping of the toe in the water to see how things are his side, if he responds positively then it is more likely (stress more likely but not certain) he is keen to hear from you and you can slowly take it from there, otherwise if you get a negative or no response you can then move on and know he isn't interested but at the same time saved yourself hearing too much about what you might not want to hear. 2011
Author nowwhatnow Posted May 4, 2011 Author Posted May 4, 2011 im gonna do. i decided. when i get back im gonna ask to meet up at a neutral location and just do it. i have to. i wish i could just do it now and get it over with. the problem is the longer i am waiting the more i am fantasizing about us being together and focusing on how i will spend the summer getting him back. when in reality i know this is setting myself up for failure. i can tell that i am no longer progressing in this thinking. i know i am going backwards but i can not help it.
Recommended Posts