atmosphere Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Hi all, I've been with my boyfriend now for 7 months, we tend to see each other over the weekend (typically if he comes to mine he'll stay for one night, if I go to his, I'll stay for two nights) and occasionally once during the week (we live about an 1.5 hours from each other). Most of the time, we get on great when we're together, we're quite different but conversation isn't too much of an issue. My problem is, that he hates the phone. HATES it. Due to this, the only time we communicate is when we're together, over email or via text. In contrast, I'm not a fan of text messages and love the phone. I have told him this, but to no avail. And to be honest, when I have spoken to him on the phone, he's not himself, he's far quieter and considered in comparison to when we talk face to face. After 7 months, I would expect myself to be on the way to developing really strong feelings for him, and when I'm with him I sometimes have these flashes of quite intense feelings, but for the most part, I still feel like how I did when I first met him, I've always felt comfortable around him even from our first meet and this has not changed. I do miss him when I don't see him, but I just have never really felt that I could pick up the phone and talk to him. Our longest conversation on the phone has been 10 minutes, compare that to the conversations with my best friends and exs and the longest with them are anything between 2 - 5 hours. So I suppose what I'm wondering is whether this under-development of feelings is due to us not communicating a lot or whether he's just not right for me?
OliveOyl Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I don't know why your feelings haven't developed more fully, but I recall an author stating that the ideal amount of together-time between couples is about two hours daily. (This was in a book about maintaining/restoring healthy marriages.) I personally prefer to be in touch with someone I'm seeing on a daily basis. I don't think a few texts a day would be enough for me. The guy I'm dating now is 45 minutes away and we both have kids/custody issues so our time together in person is more limited than we'd like. Have you considered online chatting/instant messaging? I am not a big phone person myself and neither is he. This is basically the way he and I have been keeping in touch in between seeing each other in person.
Pfiend101 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I think a few texts a day is fine. I dont think you should communicate too much. Could cause things to get boring.
Recommended Posts