Caligurl755 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Okay so my bf and I have been together for a year, long distance, and yes weve met. Im 18 , hes 17 and lives 6 hrs away. Let me just say that before him, I.was never a jealous girlfriend. Im also the only gf hes ever had. Hes never even kissed or held hands with a girl before me..so hes new to everything. My boyfriend is a good guy, and the best boyfriend..hes never really given me a reason to cheat or be unfaithful to mebut for some reason sometimes I have a hard time trusting him. And I get very jealous. Ive been cheated on by previous bfs and abused, ive been hurt by.every bf..a lot of lying and ungaithfulness and just treating me very badly. I know thats my past and I need to let it go..and I know that hes not like the others, but I cant help it. I get.so scared and worried that hell leave or cheat and break my heart and I.dont want it to happen again, its a horrible experience. So yeah, im a little insecure and frightened. Anyway..my jealousy wasnt bad in the beginning. I wouldnt get jealous at all, but I gradually.startd to get worse and worse. Weve been fighting a lot and have been going through a bit of a rough patch I guess you could say..but tonight my jealousy got pretty bad, I never thought I could ever get this bad. He got a haircut, and it makes him look really different and really cute, I know that girls will notice him more now and it made me so upset to think that, so I was pretty mean and immature and resentful towards him tonight. The only problem we really have is my jealousy..and im afraid its ruining us. Im surprised hes even still with me. I love him very much and I know he loves me. I care so much about him and want nothing but the best for him. I just want him to be happy. I want us to be happy together. I just want to be the best gf I can be again. Hes so sweet, always tells me that fights won't change anything and that I make him so happy when were not fighting. He.said he knowd im the one and that he cant wait for the day that he gets to marry me. I want to spend my life with him too but I need to change and make things better, because I really dont want to lose him. I love him so much, hes the best thing thats ever happened to me. How do I stop being so jealous all the time constantly worrying if hes gonna leave or cheat? What do I do to save us?
PelicanPete Posted May 2, 2011 Posted May 2, 2011 Well my ex and I did long distance at points through our relationship, we started dating around your age and my ex was also the very jealous gf. Always afraid id cheat or leave because I am handsome and a lot of girls flirted with me. Ironically, she ended up leaving me in the end for another guy. I never led any of them on and turned them down right away but she was still skeptical and that didn't feel too good. With hindsight, the reason she was so jealous was because she was a very insecure person. She didn't really have any idea of what she wanted to do with her life or a firm of idea of who she was. She was constantly comparing herself to me, and when she couldn't fit my mold it would stress her out. Because of that she had low confidence in herself, and she essentially took it out on me. Over time her insecurity and clingyness became taxing on the emotions. I was there for her but it wasn't enough, it was an internal battle she had to fight herself. It got to the point where I couldn't tell her any of my problems because she made it about her. Constant complaining with excessive clingyness is not a good combo. At the end of our relationship I needed her to support and be there for me, but she left me instead. Don't be discouraged, it's very common to get jealous in a LDR. A lot of times it just takes time to build trust. You have to try to identify and openly talk to him about your jealousy and why you are jealous and what you are afraid of, so on so forth. After you feel you've found some common ground and negotiated ways to have both of you feel better, you have to take a leap of faith and trust him. It won't be much of a leap the longer it goes. After this if you are still having trouble several months down about jealousy and trust, you guys need to spend some time apart and grow independently so that you can establish a better sense of what type of person you want to become. It would be tough, but if you don't your relationship would probably end up something like mine. If you guys both really love each other and are meant to be, you'll get back together.
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