Need to stay strong here

[kbme311]

I really need to stay strong so if I post my story and where it is now - maybe you guys can 'shout' at and make sure I keep no contact.

 

I dumped this guy that I was seeing for four months. The relationship was dysfunctional in that he had severe intimacy issues, he was disrespectful, he chased other girls and he told me what I wanted to hear but didn't act on anything I asked. I was not getting my needs met.

 

Some of the stuff he said to me was very hurtful.

 

He rarely wanted sex as well (I suspect he may be gay but in denial)...

 

So WHY am I even considering taking him back??? What is WRONG with me?

 

He isn't going to change, I know that and he told me that he doesn't 'do' relationships.

 

Getting over this relationship has been very painful as I really liked him. He just didn't reciprocate my feelings.

 

He texted and called when I finished it but I ignored him and texted him saying it was over and to stop calling etc He didn't so I sent him a message on facebook being very clear about why we didn't work (I was very polite and didn't drag up stuff he had done) I wished him all the best in his future and stuff.

 

It was very painful but I started learning salsa, am finishing my novel, decorated my bedroom, am starting an art class etc I am trying to move on and was doing ok...

 

Then I get a text asking me to call. I ignore it but it bugs me so the next day I text and say "What do you want?" He doesn't reply so I get worried but eventually get in contact a few days later.

 

At first the conversation was very awkward but he tells me that he was looking for me on facebook and couldn't find me (I'd blocked him) and was just wondering how I was. We split up at the end of February this year and this was the end of April. We haven't seen each other since the split or spoken apart from a couple of texts.

 

So I start to babble because of the awkwardness of the situation and we end up talking for an hour!! He eventually says he needs to get off the phone but he will top up the credit on his phone and call me again.

 

He was telling me that his sister and her friend were asking after me etc He kept saying he would call again.

 

WHY do I want anything to do with him!? He treated me like crap and I was doing so well. It's been two months and I was starting to do other stuff apart from think about him 24/7. I haven't slept in 2 days and I feel like a zombie.

 

I went to his facebook page (big mistake) and caught up on this particular girl and his 'friendship' I know he has a major crush on her.

 

One part of me is aching for him to tell me that he's into me and wants a committed relationship. The rational side is saying well firstly, he might be gay; secondly, he was cheap, thirdly, he doesn't want to settle down, fourthly, he has no ambition and a crappy job, fifthly, he has no respect for me or anyone else and the list goes on...He's a relationship disaster.

 

I can't see the relationship going anywhere as he was incapable of compromise. He was selfish to the core and immature.

 

ETA

 

What should be my next step? Should I text him again and ask him to stop contacting me? Should I wait for him to call and speak to him about not contacting me again. (my phone doesn't block numbers) Should I ask him to tell me honestly what he wants and why he's contacting me? What should I do??

 

Please help.

Edited April 30, 2011 by kbme311

[Kodo]

I really need to stay strong so if I post my story and where it is now - maybe you guys can 'shout' at and make sure I keep no contact.

 

I dumped this guy that I was seeing for four months. The relationship was dysfunctional in that he had severe intimacy issues, he was disrespectful, he chased other girls and he told me what I wanted to hear but didn't act on anything I asked. I was not getting my needs met.

 

Some of the stuff he said to me was very hurtful.

 

He rarely wanted sex as well (I suspect he may be gay but in denial)...

 

So WHY am I even considering taking him back??? What is WRONG with me?

 

He isn't going to change, I know that and he told me that he doesn't 'do' relationships.

 

Getting over this relationship has been very painful as I really liked him. He just didn't reciprocate my feelings.

 

He texted and called when I finished it but I ignored him and texted him saying it was over and to stop calling etc He didn't so I sent him a message on facebook being very clear about why we didn't work (I was very polite and didn't drag up stuff he had done) I wished him all the best in his future and stuff.

 

It was very painful but I started learning salsa, am finishing my novel, decorated my bedroom, am starting an art class etc I am trying to move on and was doing ok...

 

Then I get a text asking me to call. I ignore it but it bugs me so the next day I text and say "What do you want?" He doesn't reply so I get worried but eventually get in contact a few days later.

 

At first the conversation was very awkward but he tells me that he was looking for me on facebook and couldn't find me (I'd blocked him) and was just wondering how I was. We split up at the end of February this year and this was the end of April. We haven't seen each other since the split or spoken apart from a couple of texts.

 

So I start to babble because of the awkwardness of the situation and we end up talking for an hour!! He eventually says he needs to get off the phone but he will top up the credit on his phone and call me again.

 

He was telling me that his sister and her friend were asking after me etc He kept saying he would call again.

 

WHY do I want anything to do with him!? He treated me like crap and I was doing so well. It's been two months and I was starting to do other stuff apart from think about him 24/7. I haven't slept in 2 days and I feel like a zombie.

 

I went to his facebook page (big mistake) and caught up on this particular girl and his 'friendship' I know he has a major crush on her.

 

One part of me is aching for him to tell me that he's into me and wants a committed relationship. The rational side is saying well firstly, he might be gay; secondly, he was cheap, thirdly, he doesn't want to settle down, fourthly, he has no ambition and a crappy job, fifthly, he has no respect for me or anyone else and the list goes on...He's a relationship disaster.

 

I can't see the relationship going anywhere as he was incapable of compromise. He was selfish to the core and immature.

 

ETA

 

What should be my next step? Should I text him again and ask him to stop contacting me? Should I wait for him to call and speak to him about not contacting me again. (my phone doesn't block numbers) Should I ask him to tell me honestly what he wants and why he's contacting me? What should I do??

 

Please help.

 

 

I honestly feel like I could write your ex's side of the story. I honestly do. My 15 month relationship ended for similar reasons.

 

Look at other aspects of his life. Has he fixed them? In my case I had neglected my ex, but I'd also been avoiding going out with other friends (due to study). I'd just want to go home and be lazy after studying. And I didn't pay attention to the damage I was doing.

 

Perhaps he will change if you give him a chance? You seem very keen on him. Perhaps giving him a little back at a time would help? It prevents him from getting to complacent and comfortable and thus repeating his mistakes.

 

Sounds like he needs to prove himself definitely. In a way this could be the motivation he needs. He sounds too comfortable. He's drifting with his ambition because he's too busy weighing up what he has so far with what he may have. It's leaving him indecisive.

[kbme311]

I honestly feel like I could write your ex's side of the story. I honestly do. My 15 month relationship ended for similar reasons.

 

Look at other aspects of his life. Has he fixed them? In my case I had neglected my ex, but I'd also been avoiding going out with other friends (due to study). I'd just want to go home and be lazy after studying. And I didn't pay attention to the damage I was doing.

 

Perhaps he will change if you give him a chance? You seem very keen on him. Perhaps giving him a little back at a time would help? It prevents him from getting to complacent and comfortable and thus repeating his mistakes.

 

Sounds like he needs to prove himself definitely. In a way this could be the motivation he needs. He sounds too comfortable. He's drifting with his ambition because he's too busy weighing up what he has so far with what he may have. It's leaving him indecisive.

 

Yeah it's definitely laziness on his part. No he hasn't fixed other parts of his life. He works in a crappy job and although he's very intelligent won't commit to any course of action. It freaks him out.

 

I would give him a chance if he told me that he wanted a second chance and why but I don't know...is there any point? He's still bugging me though:p

 

Yeah if we got back together which looks highly unlikely right now but let's say we did, it would probably be about six months of constant trying on his part before I accepted the relationship as back on.

 

Would he make six months worth of effort for little old me? Highly doubtful;)

 

I'm changing my number as telling him not to contact me isn't working and I keep breaking no contact to argue with him:laugh: