How do you be confident when women show you that they don't like you?

[Mrlonelyone]

That's true to an extent sumdude.

 

You need to try to be more arrogant...but not too arrogant. The meaning of the word arrogant if you look it up is just unearned confidence. You are not "lacking in confidence" you are just normal. In that you need to earn confidence.

 

You need to learn to really truly think you are so good that your farts smell like potpori and your feces is frankenscents. You have to gain a bit of overconfidence and arrogance weather you have earned it or not. That will allow you to suffer rejections and setbacks better than someone who needs to earn their confidence.

 

Like you said you could just keep trying until you get lucky... Which would be easier for you to do if you had a touch of arrogance.

[Mrlonelyone]

That's true to an extent sumdude.

 

You need to try to be more arrogant...but not too arrogant. The meaning of the word arrogant if you look it up is just unearned confidence. You are not "lacking in confidence" you are just normal. In that you need to earn confidence.

 

You need to learn to really truly think you are so good that your farts smell like potpori and your feces is frankenscents. You have to gain a bit of overconfidence and arrogance weather you have earned it or not. That will allow you to suffer rejections and setbacks better than someone who needs to earn their confidence.

 

Like you said you could just keep trying until you get lucky... Which would be easier for you to do if you had a touch of arrogance.

[somedude81]

Interesting, so I need to learn how to become arrogant.

 

And that's just faking confidence.

 

That's what Enchanted was talking about a few pages back. Being completely scared but pretending not to be.

 

So what is the best path to arrogance that I fool the harshest critic, myself?

[orangelady]

Not sure about that. An average girl, yes. An ugly one, no.

 

Agreed. Maybe with a 60 year old fat, bald janitor. Maybe.

[orangelady]

Interesting, so I need to learn how to become arrogant.

 

And that's just faking confidence.

 

That's what Enchanted was talking about a few pages back. Being completely scared but pretending not to be.

 

So what is the best path to arrogance that I fool the harshest critic, myself?

 

Don't play games with your own mind. Seriously. The problem is with the world, not you.

[A O]

So wouldn't getting a girl count as an achievement?

Yes.

 

I'm guessing is all it takes it one lucky break then getting confidence from that. Then it would be easier to get the next girl. And the key is to just don't stop trying.

You're right about everything accept the 'luck' part. Any new endeavor anyone chooses to engage in (and master) is simply a matter of trail and error and perseverance. Luck according to those in the know is simply preparation meeting opportunity. But luck in the manner that I feel you're using it to suggest that whomever you eventually land will have more to offer you than you to them. Now that's not the mindset of a confident person, thus, we're back to square one - confidence and how do we acquire it and apply it in a dating sense. And the answers to those questions I have already mentioned in earlier posts.

 

So what is the best path to arrogance that I fool the harshest critic, myself?

Arrogance is confidence out of control. If you're a reasonably good actor you may be able to feign it otherwise you haven't a snowballs chance. Arrogance is unattractive be it real or fake.

 

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[orangelady]

Mastering these interests (as well as your studies) is what truly builds confidence.

 

 

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Not really. I know guys who are so good at what they do (be it computers or games or writing) but still lack confidence in themselves and lack social skills or even being good with women.

[A O]

Not really. I know guys who are so good at what they do (be it computers or games or writing) but still lack confidence in themselves and lack social skills or even being good with women.

Everyone knows people like this. Their problem tends to be a narrow focus, spending far too much time on one or two (or many similar) interests They are not well-rounded. In this situation, which is similar to what the OP is facing, they need to broaden their interests.

 

Don't play games with your own mind. Seriously. The problem is with the world, not you.

And while you're here, agree with the first sentence but not the second. In regards to the latter - the world will not change for the OP. He has to change to get whatever he wants out of it.

 

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You'll have to fake it until you make it.

Faking aka playing games will at best, attract like-minded individuals. The odds are low of a meaningful relationship developing from this.

 

 

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[orangelady]

Everyone knows people like this. Their problem tends to be a narrow focus, spending far too much time on one or two (or many similar) interests They are not well-rounded. In this situation, which is similar to what the OP is facing, they need to broaden their interests.

 

And while you're here, agree with the first sentence but not the second. In regards to the latter - the world will not change for the OP. He has to change to get whatever he wants out of it.

 

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Faking aka playing games will at best, attract like-minded individuals. The odds are low of a meaningful relationship developing from this.

 

 

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All this may help OP blend in better but may not attract the right girl.

[A O]

^ ^ ^

Confidence is the issue I'm trying to address here. Attracting the right girl, which is a bigger issue again. is in this instance a separate issue.

 

 

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[Dust]

I think you need to figure out a plan to just do what you know you need to do.

 

The only difference between me and you is I’m not afraid to try. I make moves on women.

 

You on the other hand seem to expect a woman to make the moves on you. This is highly unrealistic especially when considering the women you are trying to date are young college girls.

 

You need to make moves on women you find attractive. When is the last time you were physical with a girl, and in what way? (hand holding counts)(but a friendly handshake, friendly hug, kiss on the cheek etc don’t count)(one of those long awkward hug/embraces counts)

[runner]

I'm going to try one more time with you somedude although most likely, you'll find a reason to reject my advice and that's okay too. Your life.

 

What you need to do is to become whole. How to become whole is to build within you, a baby step at a time. As once described to another member, consider yourself a house. Start with your foundations. Who are you? What really makes you tick? And as asked of another member, what are your values? Are you living up to your values? Do you have a code of honour/self to live up to? Do you treat others the way you wished to be treated?

 

The less you look for someone to make you whole, the closer you'll get to being whole.

 

The more you reinforce and expand your inner self, the more solid you'll appear externally. That solidity will be viewed as the pop culture definition of confidence.

 

this and this works for both genders...i love women who have this figured out for themselves. makes me weak at the knees (as a man)

 

this is the only way to cultivate true confidence. i'm sorry but 'faking it' will only get you so far; eventually you need to wonder what happens when the faking stops, or when you can't sustain the charade any longer.

 

There's more to life than women (and vice versa for the women reading). The more of a life you have outside of pursuing women, the more confident you will be. Whatever interests you have, indulge in them further. Find new ones if you have to. Mastering these interests (as well as your studies) is what truly builds confidence.

 

yep.

[fortyninethousand322]

Everyone knows people like this. Their problem tends to be a narrow focus, spending far too much time on one or two (or many similar) interests They are not well-rounded. In this situation, which is similar to what the OP is facing, they need to broaden their interests.

 

Can you give examples of being well rounded?

 

I mean I'm pretty comfortable with sports, (old) music, current events, political/policy issues, hiking, mountain biking, some nerd/geek stuff too, etc. Is this what you're talking about?

[PhillyDude]

Agreed. Maybe with a 60 year old fat, bald janitor. Maybe.

 

 

Exactly, that's the only type of Guy a UGLY women would be having sex with

[A O]

Can you give examples of being well rounded? I mean I'm pretty comfortable with sports, (old) music, current events, political/policy issues, hiking, mountain biking, some nerd/geek stuff too, etc. Is this what you're talking about?

This is what I'm talking about.

 

We are all playing some role in the dating game. You need to have fun with it otherwise you have truly lost and missed the point. You are trying to find someone to enjoy and share a life with. Getting serious about it will only result in you over scrutinizing your winnings at the end of the night.

The role you need to play is one as close to yourself as possible. Do we need to have fun - absolutely. Do we need to be serious - each to their own.

 

If you can only see your dating life as losses and winnings like a pro poker player then you will always lose more than you win.

To fake is a low odds game. Even moreso when stacked up against the option to improve oneself as a means of being a more desirable prospect.

 

Sometimes you need to fake who you are to get yourself out of the shell you believe yourself to be in. This will help make you realize you always had the personal resources to exist outside of it.

Self-belief appeared to be your problem and you tricked yourself to behave in a manner that you always knew you were capable of anyway. That is my take on all this.

 

 

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[PhillyDude]

I think the OP would feel a lot better if he was given some examples.