orangelady Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Women want you to not need them. As soon as you don't need them, you'll find your success will increase. Also, remember that you are trying to figure out whether you like them, don't be too quick on that trigger. Nope, personally I do want a man to need me.
TouchedByViolet Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I think the answer to your question is 2 parts. Upon initial rejection, your mind needs to be set for indifference. Realistically you don't know these women very well and so you shouldn't really commit your feelings to what they think. Without putting your feelings forward you can't feel hurt when someone shows disinterest. Indifference toward negative outcomes translates to an outward confidence. The feelings you write about are completely normal. You are a human being with certain needs and it is natural to have negative feelings based on outside factors. I think you should continue talking to women, trying to setup events, going on dates, etc. It will probably never become easy for you but if you keep trying one day things may work out. Meanwhile keep yourself busy with activities you enjoy and maintain an attitude of personal growth. These things will improve your quality of life and your confidence too.
PJKino Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 The whole confidence thing is overused,if a womens attracted to you at first sight then shell give you a chance to prove yourself if shes not no amount of confidence will magically make her into you
sagetalk Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Nope, personally I do want a man to need me. Maybe after 4 months of dating, yeah, but we're are talking about first few encounters.
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 I hear you. Tell me more of your background. 1) Where do you live? Rural or city? Population? 2) What is your occupation? 3) How much do you get out? I'm a full-time student living in a big city in southern California. What do you mean by get out? Don't take it the wrong way, I give a damn about people. To the extent, that they're healthy and nothing bad happens to them. I guess I'm talking about two different types of caring. I try to show interest in peoples lives if I regularly interact with them. People have continually told me that in order to get women, I need to listen to them and try to form a connection. But when I get closer to somebody and talk to her more, it kind of sucks when they start opening up to me, but never want to know anything about me. It's like they just want to talk at me. The other aspect is common courtesy. Would it really have been that hard for the people I invited to text me, "sorry can't make it." Women want you to not need them. As soon as you don't need them, you'll find your success will increase. Also, remember that you are trying to figure out whether you like them, don't be too quick on that trigger. I try to contain my neediness. Most of the time I think I'm doing a good job. Taking a long time to decide if I like somebody or not is a different issue that I can go on about. I think the answer to your question is 2 parts. Upon initial rejection, your mind needs to be set for indifference. Realistically you don't know these women very well and so you shouldn't really commit your feelings to what they think. Without putting your feelings forward you can't feel hurt when someone shows disinterest. Indifference toward negative outcomes translates to an outward confidence. What's happening when women reject or disrespect me, is that it's telling me that I'm low value and that I don't have any worth. Right now I'm really trying to get girls to like me and getting the opposite reaction just sucks. It's like studying really hard for a test and you end up completely failing. I think you should continue talking to women, trying to setup events, going on dates, etc. It will probably never become easy for you but if you keep trying one day things may work out. Meanwhile keep yourself busy with activities you enjoy and maintain an attitude of personal growth. These things will improve your quality of life and your confidence too. I'll keep talking to women, but setting up events is a lot of work. The best way to have done it, would be to have at least one girl that I actually drove there with. I really do hope that one day things will work out. To a man, a woman he is not involved with has no significance, at least in his own personal life. Only when she is his does she become something much more. I feel like I'm being tricked by the world. How do I make myself believe that women I'm not involved with, mean nothing to me? It's very natural for me to start caring about people I like. Something is not adding up.
Professor X Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Nope, personally I do want a man to need me. I think you want a man to want you, not to need you.
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 ALB, that's a complicated post. So unless I'm able to kiss her etc., her appeal doesn't matter. What do you mean by being drawn in by static and it having no meaning? As I said before, I am trying to connect with girls but how do I do that while tuning them out? I'm confused.
Ross MwcFan Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Good question OP. I'm not sure. But it's something I'd like to find the answer to as well (haven't got time to read the whole topic yet).
LeaningIntoTheMuse Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 When an unattractive woman is really confident, it just seems over the top and most men just laugh. Guess what, women are the same. The only difference is that a woman's definition of unattractive is a lot broader than a man's. Even the ugliest girl can hook up with a guy (good look guys even, if it's a slow night) whenever she wants. Bingo. If a guy is genuinely unattractive, it won't matter if he has a great sense of humor, or a great personality. Women will just pass him by, for the good looking player who has a crap personality. I've said it before - women are more shallow than men.
Darren Taylor Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Even the ugliest girl can hook up with a guy (good look guys even, if it's a slow night) whenever she wants. Not sure about that. An average girl, yes. An ugly one, no.
Mrlonelyone Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Dude if the women just want to talk at you and don't want to hear your problems then they aren't Gf matterial anyway. Just think what being the BF of someone who was like that would be like. You would get tired of the sex after a while... only to realize that you really don't like this woman, and she really does not like you other than for what you do for her. Then you would end it. So just walk away from them. Heck people who just want to talk at you aren't really even friend matterial let along B/G F material.
threebyfate Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I'm going to try one more time with you somedude although most likely, you'll find a reason to reject my advice and that's okay too. Your life. What you need to do is to become whole. How to become whole is to build within you, a baby step at a time. As once described to another member, consider yourself a house. Start with your foundations. Who are you? What really makes you tick? And as asked of another member, what are your values? Are you living up to your values? Do you have a code of honour/self to live up to? Do you treat others the way you wished to be treated? The less you look for someone to make you whole, the closer you'll get to being whole. The more you reinforce and expand your inner self, the more solid you'll appear externally. That solidity will be viewed as the pop culture definition of confidence.
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 Dude if the women just want to talk at you and don't want to hear your problems then they aren't Gf matterial anyway. Just think what being the BF of someone who was like that would be like. You would get tired of the sex after a while... Since I haven't dated at all and have never had a relationship I don't have a clue what GF material even means. And get tired of sex? Are you insane?! I haven't had sex in nearly two years. I can count the number of times I've had sex in my life on one hand. Heck people who just want to talk at you aren't really even friend matterial let along B/G F material. This really seems to be something that all women do. Conversation has always seemed to be 80/20. I don't even really mind that as I like being with women. As long as I get to sleep with her after letting her vent I wouldn't care at all.
Author somedude81 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Wouldn't letting her vent to me satisfy her emotional needs? Even if not, I'd do what it takes as I love the company of women. As long as I get something out of it. For too long it's been only about what the girl wants while I just get used.
Author somedude81 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Yes, temporarily but then she would have no reason to satisfy you since you already gave her what she wanted so easily. Woah. I never looked at it that way. Can you go into more detail and what I should do? If they get the sense that is all you are looking for no matter how much patience you display they'll never give it to you. Also you would feel less hurt if you could distance yourself more from the outcome you desire and put that energy more into the fun of the moment. No, I don't give off the feeling that all I want is sex from women. Actually from what I understand, I don't give off any sexual vibes at all. I tend to hide my interest very well and women have a hard time picking it up. I have a friend about the friendzone that goes more into that area. If you keep approaching something the same way then you can only expect the same results. I'm tweaking my approach with every new girl. BTW I'm 29 now and still trying to find the way that actually works.
A O Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 A common answer to men struggling with women is just to be confident and internally validated. But how does one do that when women continually show and or tell you that they don't like you (not dislike, just not liking) or simply don't give a damn about you? There's more to life than women (and vice versa for the women reading). The more of a life you have outside of pursuing women, the more confident you will be. Whatever interests you have, indulge in them further. Find new ones if you have to. Mastering these interests (as well as your studies) is what truly builds confidence. Even though it's a horrible thought, I keep seeing myself as a dog desperate for an uncaring masters attention. I'd be happy with a pat on the head, but those are few and far between.A bit like a lap dog huh! Try becoming a cat. Cats lead their own lives, they're not so heavily dependent of their masters for their own happiness. .
lino Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I'm 29 I'm a full-time student living in a big city As I see it, this is the biggest thing holding you back. Once you get a full-time job things may improve.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 There's more to life than women (and vice versa for the women reading). The more of a life you have outside of pursuing women, the more confident you will be. Whatever interests you have, indulge in them further. Find new ones if you have to. Mastering these interests (as well as your studies) is what truly builds confidence. I don't know about this. I agree there is more to life than women, but in a lot of things I am extremely confident, sometimes even cocky, but stick a cute single girl next to me I'm done for. Generalized success does not always ultimately lead to success in dating, or confidence around the opposite sex.
Wolf18 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Yeah I also don't agree that being confident and content in your life translates to success with women. Somedudes problem is that he's kind of short and doesn't have a job (this isn't a jab at you buddy, I'm in the same boat). It's stupid advice. Good advice would be, try to get a job and make up for not being tall with muscles.
Author somedude81 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 How would getting a job help? BTW, I haven't been going to school non-stop since I got out of high school. I had a job for a few years then decided to finish up my education. From what I see, the only thing getting a job will do, is limit the poll of women I can meet.
fortyninethousand322 Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 Yeah I also don't agree that being confident and content in your life translates to success with women. Somedudes problem is that he's kind of short and doesn't have a job (this isn't a jab at you buddy, I'm in the same boat). It's stupid advice. Good advice would be, try to get a job and make up for not being tall with muscles. I'm 6 foot tall, and I have muscles, still no dice. I think we all just need confidence. How to get it...now there's the problem.
Author somedude81 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Women respond to status. They are genetically driven to find a male with resources. Such a man can provide for her while she is pregnant and taking care of the child during the earliest part of his or her development. This is when he or she is completely dependent on the mother and her support network. Yeah, I'm in college and plenty of dudes who have GF's are also unemployed. Getting a job isn't suddenly going to make me more attractive. And even though I'm 29, girls don't have a clue how old I am. The last girl who tried to guess how old I was started at 23
Author somedude81 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 There are many components to a man's status besides the obvious success, power, prestige, and wealth. There is also confidence and presence. A man with presence and confidence can always negotiate a better position for himself and his partner within his society. You'll notice the resources are more social and subjective determinations by the society. It is all about how a man ranks against other men. OK, so it's a status thing. I'm aware that it is a battle against other men. Any chance you can address what I wrote about in post #46? Not getting anything I want because I already satisfied her and maybe some stuff about sexual vibing.
A O Posted May 1, 2011 Posted May 1, 2011 I don't know about this. I agree there is more to life than women, but in a lot of things I am extremely confident, sometimes even cocky, but stick a cute single girl next to me I'm done for. Generalized success does not always ultimately lead to success in dating, or confidence around the opposite sex. I hear exactly what you're saying. But being well-rounded, having a myriad of interests allows people to handle the dating hiccups better. Allows them to put these setbacks into proper perspective. Its not going to make someone an instant smash hit with the opposite sex all on its own but neither will it turn them into Johny or Jo desperate either. I think we all just need confidence. How to get it...now there's the problem.Again, confidence comes from achievement and knowing that you're good at something. In a dating sense - no one is born with straight out confidence. But having a background of achievement (and I'm not talking about major achievements here), of being good at something, will transfer over into the dating world in due course. Success at anything rarely comes instantly - dating is no different. OK, so it's a status thing. Status isn't an issue here. Status sure can make life easier for you but most people get by Ok without it. So, if there's a problem here it has more to do with you and how you perceive yourself to be than the outside world. .
Author somedude81 Posted May 1, 2011 Author Posted May 1, 2011 Again, confidence comes from achievement and knowing that you're good at something. In a dating sense - no one is born with straight out confidence. But having a background of achievement (and I'm not talking about major achievements here), of being good at something, will transfer over into the dating world in due course. Success at anything rarely comes instantly - dating is no different. So wouldn't getting a girl count as an achievement? I'm guessing is all it takes it one lucky break then getting confidence from that. Then it would be easier to get the next girl. And the key is to just don't stop trying. Status isn't an issue here. Status sure can make life easier for you but most people get by Ok without it. So, if there's a problem here it has more to do with you and how you perceive yourself to be than the outside world. Aside from the physical shortcomings, I don't really know what it is; other than inexperience. If what I said previously is true, then all I need to do is get lucky...
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