somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 A common answer to men struggling with women is just to be confident and internally validated. But how does one do that when women continually show and or tell you that they don't like you (not dislike, just not liking) or simply don't give a damn about you? Even though it's a horrible thought, I keep seeing myself as a dog desperate for an uncaring masters attention. I'd be happy with a pat on the head, but those are few and far between.
Rinnix Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Have you considered that it could be the type of women that you are attracted to?
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 The vast majority of girls I liked have been your ordinary nice girls. I don't go after mean/stuck up girls. Is there something more you mean by that?
Cee Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Internal validation should be your first priority, but if you need external validation, find it among your friends, family, and colleagues. My male friends kept me going through years of dating hell. They insisted I was a catch even when I got rejected by many dates.
betterdeal Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 (edited) You show respect for their feelings, feel a little sorry for them missing out on a great catch, but accept that they just weren't ready for such an awesome guy in their lives at that time, and you move on. If you were to offer a bum $50 and he refused it, that's his problem, not yours, right? Edited April 30, 2011 by betterdeal
cerridwen Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 (edited) It's hard to suggest changes with such limited info but... remember when some LSers posted pictures of themselves for rating? I saw your pic and SD, you're a good looking guy. Based on looks alone, I wouldn't hesitate to set you up with one of my girlfriends. Off the cuff, just try to date age-appropriate, don't keep thinking of yourself as short (5.7 is not short!), and know it's sometimes just a numbers game. Edited April 30, 2011 by cerridwen
onjhi Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 When women show that they don't like you we should pretend that we also don't like them and we just have to hide 2 or 3 days from them and again they will like us
Enchanted Girl Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 In response to your first post, fake it. I was bullied all growing up. I have no self-esteem, so I fake it when people mock me. Even though inside I am shaking and feel like I'm going to pass out or cry, on the outside, I try to act like I don't give a **** and like I'm super confident and think whoever may be mistreating me at the time is worth less than me, even though I don't truly believe it on the inside. Because I was stuck in a similar cycle most of my life where I'd get into social situations and act like the nerd/loser because I had been treated like that most of my life and therefore get treated like that again. >_< Ugh, tough cycle to break though and you can only do it by faking it on the outside. The vast majority of girls I liked have been your ordinary nice girls. I don't go after mean/stuck up girls. Is there something more you mean by that? Do you have girls who are not attracted to you and are your friends who can get to know these girls you are attracted to and tell you if those statements are true or not? Hormones often get in the way of good judgment and I've known many guys who thought they liked nice girls, but were really going after girls who use guys. I could see it because my hormones weren't blinding me to the truth. And it works in the reverse. My boyfriend can tell when a guy is attracted to me and my friends can tell when a guy is using me even when I can't see it. They help me stay accountable when my heart and body are telling me stupid things. And help me make better choices in the future.
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 Internal validation should be your first priority, but if you need external validation, find it among your friends, family, and colleagues. My male friends kept me going through years of dating hell. They insisted I was a catch even when I got rejected by many dates. Yeah that's a great source of validation. The only people who have ever told me that I was a good catch were my parents.... You show respect for their feelings, feel a little sorry for them missing out on a great catch, but accept that they just weren't ready for such an awesome guy in their lives at that time, and you move on. If you were to offer a bum $50 and he refused it, that's his problem, not yours, right? Thanks for trying to make me feel better. It's hard to suggest changes with such limited info but... remember when some LSers posted pictures of themselves for rating? I saw your pic and SD, you're a good looking guy. Based on looks alone, I wouldn't hesitate to set you up with one of my girlfriends. Off the cuff, just try to date age-appropriate, don't keep thinking of yourself as short (5.7 is not short!), and know it's sometimes just a numbers game. Heh, I got scored as a 6.5 and my height is a 5.6 So that averages to a 6.05 ------- My main issue is that I know if stopped trying to communicate with the girls I know, I would simply never hear from them again. I also tried to have a text fight with a girl I really like and she was completely unemotional. Monday I had lunch with her and a mutual girl friend. I hadn't seen her in five months. Last year we spent a ton of time together and this year we had winded it down to just talking and texting. I had to go to a class at 12:30 and I wanted to be with her until then. But around 12 she decides that she has to go do homework and takes off even though her next class isn't until 2. The other thing that really bugged me was that I had tried to set up a class outing for the people in my dance class to go to a salsa club. I had four girls telling me that they wanted to go. The day before the outing I confirmed with three of them that they were going to be there. Know how many showed up? Zero. It's the feeling of being worthless that damages my self-esteem.
ScreamingTrees Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I can totally relate a lot of the time, man, although it's been much different for me overall, I've been much happier but I still feel pretty invisible from time to time..
Dust Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 My main issue is that I know if stopped trying to communicate with the girls I know, I would simply never hear from them again.. It’s pretty much the guys job to be the aggressor when it comes to starting things with a girl. If you haven’t started and entered the romantic phase of the relationship don’t expect them to be hooked on you. I also tried to have a text fight with a girl I really like and she was completely unemotional.. Sounds immature, and it would have made her immature to get emotional. Monday I had lunch with her and a mutual girl friend. I hadn't seen her in five months. Last year we spent a ton of time together and this year we had winded it down to just talking and texting. I had to go to a class at 12:30 and I wanted to be with her until then. But around 12 she decides that she has to go do homework and takes off even though her next class isn't until 2.. If you spent “a ton of time together” and you never made anything happen with that kind of opportunity it probably never will. It’s fine if you keep trying but don’t be shocked when you keep getting the same result. Most girls I’ve dated and had serious relations with has been after little or no time. The other thing that really bugged me was that I had tried to set up a class outing for the people in my dance class to go to a salsa club. I had four girls telling me that they wanted to go. The day before the outing I confirmed with three of them that they were going to be there. Know how many showed up? Zero.. A random outing is hard to arrange. Random people from a dance class have a high likely hood of being flakey. Any one who’s ever thrown a random get together knows this to be true. It's the feeling of being worthless that damages my self-esteem. You’ll always feel this way if you base your worth on what other people do. Stop looking for some one else to provide your happiness. Learn to love yourself, because even with a beautiful and faithful wife you’d be miserable in your current mindset.
AD1980 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 The word "confidence" when it comes to dating is such a horrible overused cliche and annoys me.. If you're good looking as long as your not a social retard women will flock to you..if you're unattratcive women will not flock to you because you're "confident" like some people try to tell you..
Dust Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 The word "confidence" when it comes to dating is such a horrible overused cliche and annoys me.. If you're good looking as long as your not a social retard women will flock to you..if you're unattratcive women will not flock to you because you're "confident" like some people try to tell you.. This is BS. Women take other things into account like Fame, Fortune, Success, Strength, Wit, Passion, Creativity etc. Confidence and being yourself may be cliché but it’s the only way.
AD1980 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 This is BS. Women take other things into account like Fame, Fortune, Success, Strength, Wit, Passion, Creativity etc. Confidence and being yourself may be cliché but it’s the only way. How many guys have fame and fortune? not many Women are just as shallow as Men they just arent as honest about it as Men
betterdeal Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Thanks for trying to make me feel better. Try it! What have you got to lose? Thing is, being able to respond to a rejection gives you confidence. You know there's someone out there who thinks, "he's an alright guy - I knocked him and he rolled with the punches" and that make you feel good. You take that good feeling with you wherever you go next. You see another woman you're interested in and she senses that good feeling in you, et voila! a virtuous circle. You've turned women down, even if you don't know it yet. Women will turn you down. Women will be interested in you even if you don't notice it yet. If you like yourself, that's a great recommendation to other people to like you. It's all a bit like Brownian motion. Get out of the sediment and start colliding with the other particles.
Wolf18 Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 How many guys have fame and fortune? not many Women are just as shallow as Men they just arent as honest about it as Men When an unattractive woman is really confident, it just seems over the top and most men just laugh. Guess what, women are the same. The only difference is that a woman's definition of unattractive is a lot broader than a man's. Even the ugliest girl can hook up with a guy (good look guys even, if it's a slow night) whenever she wants.
betterdeal Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Jesus H, the self-pity club is out in force. Deal. With. It.
thatdog Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 There's more to it that JUST confidence, but it certainly goes a long way and in my experience is probably more important to women than looks. To my knowledge I know 3 guys that have had a LOT of luck with women. All of them are overweight-obese. But they are all confident, outgoing, fun and have pretty much 0 fear of rejection. My best friend in high school lost his virginity at 14, had his first 3 some at 16 (I knew both the girls they were HOT), and by graduation had easily slept with more women than I probably will my entire life. he was 5'9 and weighed over 100kg most of which was fat. Another mate of mine was 145kg at one point and I saw him pick up 3 girls in 1 week. He recently broke the 200 mark (yeah he is a manslut). Obviosuly these guys seem like freaks of nature bu the fact is the provide encouragin examples that pretty much ANY guy can have some success. If you lack the looks you just need to make up with CONFIDENCE and CHARM.
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 In response to your first post, fake it. I was bullied all growing up. I have no self-esteem, so I fake it when people mock me. Even though inside I am shaking and feel like I'm going to pass out or cry, on the outside, I try to act like I don't give a **** and like I'm super confident and think whoever may be mistreating me at the time is worth less than me, even though I don't truly believe it on the inside. Because I was stuck in a similar cycle most of my life where I'd get into social situations and act like the nerd/loser because I had been treated like that most of my life and therefore get treated like that again. >_< Ugh, tough cycle to break though and you can only do it by faking it on the outside. Wow, I never looked at faking it in that way. Faking it is better than just breaking down and crying. The one thing I'm struggling with is how do you fake being outgoing? It seems easier to fake being strong when you are on the defensive. Do you have girls who are not attracted to you and are your friends who can get to know these girls you are attracted to and tell you if those statements are true or not? Right now I'm "friends" with two girls and they are "friends" with each other. One is a lesbian and the other girls, the one I like is pretty geeky, awkward but nice and fun to be around. Lesbian girl knows I like the other girl. What shes told me is that the other girl is pretty much anti-social and spends most of her day doing homework or playing computer games in her dorm. She has never tried to use me at all and has never said a mean thing to me. But her overall lack of concern is what gets at me. I just have a very strong feeling that if I disappeared, she simply wouldn't care. It’s pretty much the guys job to be the aggressor when it comes to starting things with a girl. If you haven’t started and entered the romantic phase of the relationship don’t expect them to be hooked on you. Hmm, so until things got romantic I shouldn't expect her to think about me. Sounds immature, and it would have made her immature to get emotional. It probably is. I have very little experience with girls in a personal sense. I just wanted to get a reaction from her, some hint that said she thought of me as more than a stranger. A random outing is hard to arrange. Random people from a dance class have a high likely hood of being flakey. Any one who’s ever thrown a random get together knows this to be true. It was the first outing I've ever tried to arrange. Everybody in the class is required to do one outing so I thought just to get several people together and have fun as a group. I arranged the whole thing via email but double checked with people in class. I had spent a couple of weeks getting it all set up. And everybody flaked. Wow, that's crazy thatdog. Bunch of obese guys getting laid that much? I wonder how they got their confidence? I knew that if I manged to bag a girl I'd feel like the king of the world. But until then I guess I have to try and fake it.
somethingsimple Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 If you don't find worth in yourself, how in the world can you expect others to find it? If you expect validation from other people especially women, you'll be seriously disappointed. Truthfully, I think most of these girls don't care about you and rightfully so. And you shouldn't care about them either. Emotions such as "caring" is something built upon. Seriously, you are going to get rejected, its just how fast you get over it.
Author somedude81 Posted April 30, 2011 Author Posted April 30, 2011 Truthfully, I think most of these girls don't care about you and rightfully so. And you shouldn't care about them either. Emotions such as "caring" is something built upon. I guess I'm too soft. I really shouldn't give a damn about people.
orangelady Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I guess I'm too soft. I really shouldn't give a damn about people. I hear you. Tell me more of your background. 1) Where do you live? Rural or city? Population? 2) What is your occupation? 3) How much do you get out?
somethingsimple Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 I guess I'm too soft. I really shouldn't give a damn about people. Don't take it the wrong way, I give a damn about people. To the extent, that they're healthy and nothing bad happens to them.
sagetalk Posted April 30, 2011 Posted April 30, 2011 Even though it's a horrible thought, I keep seeing myself as a dog desperate for an uncaring masters attention. I'd be happy with a pat on the head, but those are few and far between. Women want you to not need them. As soon as you don't need them, you'll find your success will increase. Also, remember that you are trying to figure out whether you like them, don't be too quick on that trigger.
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