TragicAlliance Posted April 29, 2011 Posted April 29, 2011 Being that my outlet for emotions is writing, I've come to learn a lot about myself through the prose that I create. Ever since I was a teenager, I've vented my words through poetry. It turns out that I'm rather lousy at expressing myself directly... but when I scribble it down in metaphors and symbolic lyrics, I can be truthful and people can immediately understand what I'm trying to say. I'm 22 now, and have a collection of over 200 poems that have come as a result of my various musings and venting. With my most recent break up, I found myself in the process of composing a long fiction with mine and my ex's characters being the main focus. I found that the more I focused on the storyline, the more my ex's character was the one I focused more on. His character developed a very detailed plotline, very detailed characteristics... in fact, he was the protagonist and my own character was the antagonist. I wrote one chapter of that story, and ran into a proverbial wall. That was 3 weeks ago. I told myself I would revamp the first chapter and proceed from there... but I have not since touched the story. I get the feeling that this is my mind trying to tell me "You're trying to get over this; you're trying to move on." And while I seem to fail miserably at the No-Contact rule that everyone preaches and dotes on... Maybe I AM making progress. I dwelled on this story for so long, and suddenly I can't find any motivation for it. Albeit I'm shooting myself in the foot constantly by disobeying NC, perhaps even with a wounded foot I'm still managing to stagger forward. I guess I've got a long road ahead of me... made even longer by my strange inability to go NC. But it's looking like I might be trying to make it to the end of the path.
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